A Tanuki's Life (Paused)

Chapter 33

Tom sat at the kitchen table with his parents and told them everything that had happened in the last few weeks. He couldn't look them in the eye, he was so ashamed of his failure.

They didn't say much, just listened, occasionally giving a nod, or a horrified gasp. Tom had to fight not to burst into tears. Saying everything he had experienced was like a punch in the stomach. But he stuck it out to the end, not sparing a single detail.

When he was done, he looked uneasily at his parents' faces. Millie had gone white as chalk, but her eyes were dark and reserved. Alan sighed heavily and looked like he'd aged a few years.

He rubbed his forehead with his paw, opening and closing his mouth as if he didn't know where to begin. "My God, that's..." He hesitated, searching for the right words. "That's awful... I can't believe it." He shook his head in disbelief. "Why didn't you call the police?"

"What good would that have done me?" Tom replied despondently. "Redd is far too smart to let the cops catch him. He was probably far away by the next day."

Millie looked up and stared at him. Her eyes were suddenly as cold as ice. "I warned you about that," she growled softly. "I told you to stay away from foxes!"

Tom winced. "I know. But he wasn't like that at first! He was the most charming and loveable guy I've ever met." The tanuki bit his lip, he was so close to tears. "I...I couldn't have known...that this would happen."

His father blinked sympathetically, but his mother snorted relentlessly. "You should have known! All foxes are the same! Cunning and selfish. They only think of themselves!"
Tom flattened his ears. "That's not true! Redd is-"

"I don't want to hear anything more from this Redd!" she interjected sharply. "You should never have moved to this town. I was against it from the start, but you wouldn't listen to me! You're just stubborn as ever!"

Alan put a paw gently on her shoulder to calm her. "Honey, please-"
"No!" she hissed at him before turning back to her son. "I told you it's dangerous in Bellington - that you can't trust everyone. And what happened? You got tricked! By a fox!"
She spoke the word fox with disgust. "How could you be so naive?!"

Tom balled his paws into fists and had to fight not to raise his voice. "I was in love," he explained with a trembling voice. "I also have feelings. Is that so wrong?"
Millie's eyes narrowed. "You're a grown man, not a teenager. You shouldn't have let your feelings guide you!"

Tom said nothing. He was aware of everything she said What did she want from him? That he turned back time and undid everything?
"Why are you angry?" the tanuki asked. "It's my problem after all, my own fault!"

Millie opened her mouth, but Tom forestalled her: "What should I do? I know I did so many things wrong, but I can't change it now!" His mother was silent for a while, then sighed heavily.

"Tom, you are my son," she began, sounding exhausted. "How many times do you think I've worried about you? You don't know how difficult it is for a mother when her own child moves to a strange city all alone." Her eyes were desperate. "And now I have to know that you have lost everything. Of course I feel responsible for letting you go to this town!"

Tom flattened his ears and looked away. He suddenly felt like, that he shouldn't have returned. Inwardly he had expected such a reaction from his mother, but now he felt even more miserable than he already was. He was an absolute disappointment.

"We should all calm down now," Alan interjected calmly. "There's absolutely no point in arguing about it. What's done is done. You can't change the past, you can only learn from your mistakes."

Tom blinked at his father in relief. He was glad that at least he wasn't blaming him. But that was to be expected of him. His father was always more calm than his mother.

"What's more important," Alan continued, "is that nothing worse happened to him and that he came back safely." Millie looked at Tom and then at her husband and sighed. "You're right. Let's leave this topic alone for now."

Tom was glad that this heated discussion had come to an end. Nevertheless, this uneasy feeling did not let go of him. It was like he could hardly breathe in here. He stood up. "I need some fresh air," he announced quietly and left the kitchen without waiting for an answer.

He stepped onto the terrace and took a deep breath of the cool winter air. Then he pulled his pack of cigarettes and his lighter out of his pocket and lit one. After a few puffs, he slowly calmed down again.

His thoughts raced. What now? Since he has no more money, he had to live with his parents for a while. He was glad he could stay with them, very glad, he had no idea where else to go.

But after that argument with his mother, he wondered how long he could live with her under the same roof without them getting in their hair.
Tom sighed heavily when he imagined the next few days - no, more like months.

Okay. New plan.
He needed a job so he could earn money again, so he could move away.
Where? He didn't know that exactly. Maybe he would stay in Sunnyville, but he was sure he would never set foot in Bellington again.

The tanuki shivered. First he needed to rest a bit before he would plunge into the next adventure. He had to clear his head. Get rid of all the bad experiences he took with him from the city.

This might take a while. The wound was still fresh and it will definitely leave a scar.

Later Tom ate something since he hadn't eaten all day and then decided to go to sleep. He was terribly tired and longed for a soft bed. For the next time he was here, he could use Jason's old room - or rather, their old room that they had to share until Tom had moved to Bellington.

Now Jason and his fiancé had their own house in the neighbor village. He visited his parents regularly and promised to come by tomorrow as he couldn't make it today because of work.

When Tom entered the room, it seemed pretty empty. His old bed with the small bedside table next to it, the spacious wardrobe that the brothers had shared and a desk with a chair were the only things in here.

The tanuki put the suitcase and backpack on the floor, shuffled towards the bed and collapsed onto the soft mattress. He would clear out his luggage tomorrow, he was far too exhausted to move any muscles.

Outside the sun was setting, orange-red light poured in. Tom rolled onto his side and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He scrolled through his contacts and stopped at Redd's number. He stared at it spellbound, wondering if he should call him.

Despite everything he had done to him, a part of him longed for the fox. He wanted to feel his fluffy fur again, smell his unique scent of mint and paint, look into his beautiful golden eyes that twinkled like stars in the night sky...

Tom narrowed his eyes like he could banish all the memories that way. He shouldn't think such nonsense. It was over with Redd - forever.
He bit his lip. A sob escaped him, then more and more until he lost control of it.

Tears that he had held back for so long were now streaming down his cheeks. He hated crying over that bastard. He hated that he was so fragile and weak. He hated this unfair life. He would never be the same again. All that enjoyment of life was gone. This goddamn city had changed him. Redd had changed him.

Tom put the phone down, deciding against trying to call his ex.
Why should he? He didn't need him. He could live without him.

He repeated these words in his head like a mantra until he fell asleep.
Still, he had kept Redd's number.

Just in case.