he was the one • winterwidow

⊱ eleven ⊰

- goodbye / bo burnham -

Not knowing if he would ever see Natalia again after the attack was painful enough for James.

Not being able to remember her face, hair, or even touch on his skin was even worse. He had loved her more than anything: that was the worst part about it all. James Barnes was not a man of love, but a closed-off person who seemed a threat to others with his naturally intimidating look.

They were like copies of each other, being the only ones to open up about their true identities, something the Red Room had completely stripped away from them.

Of course, James had been ready for that day. It had been something he had been dreading practically since the day he was assigned Natalia. It was inevitable, but neither of the two had expected it to happen so soon. They had only been together a mere few weeks, but Romanoff had made him feel human. He was still being controlled but she had started to break his hypnosis, Hydra quick to notice this and shut it down.

Which was what led him to where he was now.

He should've known that the plan wouldn't work. Natalia was the most skilled woman James had ever met, as if she were a literal godsend of marksmanship. It was no wonder how she stood out amongst all the others, she was basically built to kill like a Black Widow. No matter how well she was at the job, a task like that was a suicide mission.

Graduation was something every successful Black Widow was endure eventually: there was no stopping it. Not even someone like his Nat was capable of such, not to mention the additional serum that would make her forget his entire existence.

It hurt him severely to leave her there; it was her safest option. If he had stayed any longer, he would've been put to sleep again. James could never risk that. He had sworn he would find her.

I'll always find you.

How could he break a promise like that to the woman he had learned to love?

One way to get away from the Red Room while making sure Natalia was safe was to run. Europe was the best option, preferably an island somewhere south. The least likely place they would look for him would be Europe, they had programmed him to always head for America, where he was found by Hydra originally.

He'd made his way up to the helipad, using a false mission as an excuse to take a jet to Greece, having found a wanted job option there. One thing James had been used to in his many years of being on the run was always having a stock of burner phones. The one he had taken with him from his room was the untraceable technology that had made an informed call to S.H.I.E.L.D. James knew that they wouldn't make it in time to stop the serum or process, but it would save Natalia.

Her safety was all that mattered.

That phone was quickly made scattered pieces on the iced over ground beneath the aircraft, having met its fate on the impact that James had thrown it. There was only one thing that he hadn't thought through, curse falling past his lips as he glanced from the glove box to the sky ahead, repeating the action until he pulled harshly on the handle and removed some gloves from the contents.

He would keep the name Bucky, no one knew about that nickname but Natalia. Even though now she doesn't even know what he looks like. He shook the thought from his head and continued with his new plan. James had decided to only change his name if he was in any immediate danger. Bucky Belova would be his pseudonym if necessary: both words ones that Natalia would recognise.

Black gloves now covering both his ordinary skin and metal one, he ran himself through that explanation if it ever came to it. "Raynaud's syndrome" would excuse the unusual layer in the warm weather of Greece.

James shook a knife out of his sleeve, sitting well in his leather covered hand, taking a mental note to never shake hands with his left hand as he moved the blade over to his dominant hand. After each swipe, James clasped the tugs of hair in his palm and threw them out of the same window that he had the burner phone.

Soon enough, he couldn't recognise himself. James never knew who he was when Natalia wasn't there.

He would find her again.

Even if it was the last thing he ever does.