The Asset: The Beginning and End of the Winter Soldier

Chapter Fourteen

"Shuri will be here soon; Okoye thinks she may be able to have the physical treatment ready as early as tonight," Ayo was saying as they settled in the small clearing in the forest, evening turning quickly to dusk so that they lit the small fire for warmth and light. "And I think it is time for it to be attempted. We have a little more time to finish here. What is left for you to remember that allows the Winter Soldier to still have power over you?"

"There aren't many left," he said, trying to sound casual. "I continued to kill targets deemed dangerous or in the way of Hydra's rise to power, along with bystanders in the wrong place at the wrong time. None of those missions was worse than the ones I've already told you."

"There is still something bothering you, something that you hesitate to say."

"You never do give up," he said, half joking, half irritated. He sat without speaking for a few minutes as he realized irritation was only what he first thought he was feeling. But it was a lie, a cover for what he was really experiencing: the Winter Soldier creeping closer to his consciousness and for a moment he thought of giving in to it. A fleeting moment that made him want to scream at himself in anger for being so weak, for allowing that part of him to take over. How could he be almost ready for a physical treatment when he was still susceptible in his mind? But he could not see that he could make much more progress without a physical treatment that could finally carve out the Winter Soldier's actual personality from him, leaving the nightmares, the memories, the skills even, but no longer a living presence in his mind.

"It's still there," he told her, his voice bland, without inflection. "There's still a part of me that wants to give into it."

Ayo nodded, but she did not seem perturbed. "We have told you that it was your identity for so long, it could be again if you wanted it to be. That you are telling me this is a good sign you are making more progress than you think."

"How can you and Okoye and Shuri say that it can be removed from me?"

"Because it was created in you, placed in you. It can be removed."

"It is me." The iciness crept further, but he mentally turned his back on it, feeling a sense of relief that he no longer had to actively struggle against it. The inhuman stillness did not retreat, but it did not advance either. "It's losing power." His tone lightened, as he smiled slightly. "Or I'm stronger."

"You were able to answer your own question." Ayo radiated pride as she returned the smile. "This is proof that we can finally begin treatment to remove it from you physically. You have come a long way, James."

His smile faded as Bucky remembered a woman he had assisted into office in the United States Senate named Atwood. A campaign marked by death, as always when the Winter Soldier was involved, and also simple political maneuvering that allowed her to gain power. A person who still held that office as he sat in the forest working through the horrors of his time as the Winter Soldier. A person who abused any power she was granted, and one who took pleasure in the ways the Winter Soldier had helped her become Senator. A situation that caused the Winter Soldier to become more prominent in his mind.

"I was responsible for other things, helping corrupt and sadistic politicians into office through lies and murder, causing other forms of suffering," he told Ayo.

The office was not large, certainly not as large as it would be when she became Senator, but she had tried to make it look as official as possible, too official. The office was overdone in an attempt to look intimidating and only looked like the person who owned it was in fact trying to convince themselves of their worthiness rather than everyone else. The lights were dim inside the office while the nighttime city was brightly lit, never sleeping, never quiet. The Winter Soldier stood waiting in the shadowed corner of the office, opposite to the overly large desk, so completely still that the woman campaigning for Senator had not noticed him. She was visibly nervous, frequently glancing at the door, unable to concentrate on the paperwork in front of her. She jumped as the door opened and a man entered, hair a sandy blonde liberally sprinkled with grey, his eyes bright with a strange inner energy. He radiated a calm sense of utter leadership that caused the woman to stand respectfully.