Wij Twee

Chapter 2: April Fools {Zoë's POV}

I was fine.

Back to who I was before, back to my old routine.

Everything was under control again.

Only... 2020 had other plans.

Under control, Zoë? Please try again later. Maybe in a few years.

Every day felt like a challenge.

Milan isn't exactly the best collaborator you could wish for when it comes to a global pandemic.

The way he would forget what should be done just 2 minutes after I asked him.

I'd be washing groceries while begging him to remember not to press the elevator button directly and to please wash his hands in case he did.

I'd be searching for more information while telling him he should never touch his face right after taking off his mask.

It sounded like I was lecturing him all the time and I was so tired of it I started spraying sanitizer on his hands whenever he entered a room so he wouldn't forget.

He'd just laugh at me.

Not that he wasn't concerned but back then—the first days—we did try fooling ourselves into thinking it would only last a few weeks.

As the days passed, reading the news only got scarier and yet, my parents hadn't changed the number of times they call me to see if I'm doing okay.

I felt dumb for worrying about them way more than they'll ever worry about me.

For Milan, something changed when Eurovision got cancelled.

I noticed he started doing everything he could to alienate himself a little more.

At the same time, he started paying more attention to what I had to say.

Those nature is healing posts were bullshit. I couldn't stand seeing them anymore.

That was it for me.

Nature is hurting just like we are and the way most people don't care about it has a huge weight on how we got to this point. To some extent, that brought us here.

It's such a tragedy.

I feel lost, like I'm putting on an act by pretending I'm an expert on what's happening, as if I'm some sort of example to be followed when I'm not.

I'm as clueless as the next person.

I feel guilty for not being able to do more.

Sort of useless, actually.

The things I miss seem so distant now, like I'm never going to be able to do them again.

I miss biking every day.

I miss Amber's hugs and going out for drinks (iced tea, juices!) with Yasmina. I miss Luca appearing out of nowhere to scare me and I miss going to the movies with Jana; I even miss her asking to copy my homework.

I miss being distracted by the things I had to do, the places that reminded me of myself before you, I crave those—they used to help me keep memories from resurfacing, they occupied my days.

Here—this bedroom, my bed?

A constant reminder.

Every corner of this entire place, if you want to know the truth.

Sometimes I have the sensation you will enter a room and I keep staring at the door, waiting for it to happen.

I promised myself I would not let my mind wander and overthink about where you were and if you had been going through it all alone.