I'll Be Here

Invitation to Mundane Life, Part 2

Xiao's heart pounded out of his chest. He couldn't quite catch his breath. He had crushed his wrist in his hand so hard that he couldn't move the fingers on his left hand. The need to shed tears had built painfully behind his eyes, but for the life of him he could not let them out. He had not looked up from the same wooden knot in the table all the while that he'd been speaking.

He was still, even now, fighting off dissociation as the ceiling compressed on him.

Breathe in.

Come on.

Breathe. In.

"Xiao?" Lumine called to him, quiet and a little shaky, but a welcoming anchor to his whirling, spiraling emotions.

His eyes slid tightly shut, but he nodded once to acknowledge her presence.

"What do you see?" She asked. "You're at Wangshu Inn. The walls open up directly to the sky. The sun is shining. You're safe. You're okay." The table creaked as she leaned forward. "You're with me."

She was still there.

She hadn't run away from him screaming.

He had told her all of that, and she was still with him.

Inhale in. Exhale out. Again.

Slowly, slowly, his soul settled back into his body. Pressure was still built up around the bones in his face. He released his wrist, wincing as blood rushed back to his fingers, and pressed his temples.

He could sense Lumine watching him, but he couldn't bring himself to speak.

"Thank you," Lumine said gently. "Thank you for sharing with me. Thank you for trusting me."

Xiao cringed at the unfamiliar praise, but he finally managed to lift his head up and look at her. Some karmic pain stung at him, but after revealing the story of this magnitude, the pain was practically nothing. He rubbed at his left forearm impatiently.

"Thank you," she said again, smiling very slightly, and her familiar warmth was blessedly grounding to Xiao. "Are you fully present?"

"Just about," he answered, just above a whisper.

She nodded, then crossed her arms casually and dropped her head onto the table. "Can I just say that it's incredibly difficult for anyone to hear all of that and not want to give you a hug?"

Xiao winced. "Please don't."

"Don't worry, I know. I won't." Lumine picked up the cup of chrysanthemum tea still at her side and drank it down in one go. "God. I don't know what I expected. I'm sorry I ever dared to challenge your definition of fucked-up shit."

Xiao smiled wanly. "Is there anything you want to say?"

"Yeah, but only if you're ready to hear it."

He shook his head. "Please don't say you're sorry."

"I won't say I'm sorry."

"Don't say it's not my fault."

Lumine scowled, harsher than Xiao had ever seen her. "It's not. I need you to know that you did not get kidnapped because you were asleep, powerful, or hot. You got kidnapped because that motherfucker is a kidnapper."

Xiao huffed through his nose. "I know." He knew this logically in his head; it was just hard to internalize some facts in his heart. "Anything else?"

Don't go away.

She snorted. "Only that the second confession that I promised to tell you is really, really dumb compared to yours."

Xiao stared at her. "In the least self-centered way, I challenge you to find anyone in Liyue, dare I say in Teyvat, that has a more horrible story than mine."