The Darkness Between Us || [C.L.]

// e i g h t

The next morning was spent in a hungover limbo, floating between consciousness and dreams. It wasn't until past noon that Nina woke up for real, greeted by the heavy weight of Charles' arm over her stomach. She lay for a while, the events of last night replaying in her head. Try as she might, the inescapable truth was that Nina was herself, and there was nothing she could do to make that disappear. No matter how much therapy, no matter how much love or support, she would always be herself. And that meant she would always be haunted.

It wasn't long until Charles stirred, a tired moan escaping from his lips as he pulled Nina closer and planted a kiss on top of her head.

"Good morning." He yawned, eyes still unopened.

"Good morning." Something about his thick voice made the thoughts vanish, replaced with only a smile. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept pretty good, but I did have this dream where I was in a zoo and there was a monkey chasing me, and all these people were watching and laughing, but the monkey wouldn't go." He moved closer once more, this time placing his head on Nina's chest. She wrapped her arms around him, holding him as tight as she could without hurting him. She would have been happy to stay like this all day, tangled in comfortable silence, but after a few minutes Charles rose to go to the bathroom and get a glass of water. He returned, passing the cup to Nina, who happily took a big gulp.

"Is there anything you would like to do today, ma cheri?" Charles asked, sitting back on the bed, his hand on her thigh.

Nina's response was quiet, almost pleading. "I just want to spend it with you." With each moment that passed, she was aware that their goodbye was drawing closer. There was no guarantee that they would see each other again - in fact, it almost felt like there was no way at all. She wondered when the best time was to discuss the future properly, but she figured it best to wait for him, scared of coming across too eager or perhaps entitled for even thinking she deserved that conversation.

She cleared her throat, realising how pathetic she had sounded. "Like, we could just order food and watch films or whatever."

Charles paused, a grin slowly growing on his face. "Shrek 2?" He suggested, knowing that Nina would immediately be on board.

She nodded. "A perfect suggestion."

They made their way to the living room, both wearing nothing but t-shirts and underwear. Charles stopped at the kitchen to make them both coffee, whilst Nina threw herself on the couch and watched him. He was beautiful in the intimate moments, with flushed cheeks, parted lips and touches so gentle it was hard not to cry. He was more beautiful in the mundane moments, when he didn't realise anyone was watching. He would whistle to himself and frown at how the milk splashed onto the side when he poured it from a height. He would smile as he stirred. He would swear when his fingers brushed the side of the hot mug, pulling it away and shaking it in the air, then acting as though it didn't hurt anymore, even though it did.

It wasn't long until he found himself back by her side, both of them idly sipping their coffees, staring out the window and watching the city breathe. There were so many people, each with their own lives. Nina wondered what they were doing and what had led them to where they were now. How many were running late for a meeting? How many were on their way to collect a parcel or maybe making their way to a lunch date with a person they hardly liked, but kept seeing because they were too scared to be by themselves? How many people had their own Charles, or had lost them? How many would cry that night, or have sex, or stand in the aisle of a busy Tesco Express, deliberating which ready meal to microwave?

"What do you think of?" Charles asked, his eyes still focused on the world outside. Nina found herself wondering the same.

"If I wasn't here, what do you think you would be doing now?"