The Project ☆ Sirius Black x reader | EDITING

☆𝟏𝟗𝟖𝟎☆

The first snowfall of the year was not welcomed at (l/n) Estate this year. This time of year had become joyous to you, but now a dull and heavy atmosphere hung on the premises of the large manor—it had been that way since Regulus and Dafne's faked death.

"Sirius..." You opened the door of your room after a warning knock. 

He was on an armchair, staring at the falling flakes beyond the window with eyes that needed much rest, covered in a blanket that was starting to fall off his shoulders. You put it back in place and rubbed his back with a low sigh.

"You know you can't stay like this," you whispered, brushing away strands of his hair from his face. "I know it's hard, my love, but you can't."

"I... I don't think I can do it, (y/n)." Sirius' voice was quavering and dry as he looked up at you with a pitiful and tearful look. "He was my brother, and I was never there for him—I left him. I can't even remember the last time I told Regulus I loved him. And now I'll never be able to."

You bit your bottom lip harshly and wrapped your arms around him from behind, leaning your forehead on his shoulder. "...He knew you loved him, Sirius. He knew it very much, and he'd hate to see you in this state."

"I can't not be like this—my brother died!" he cried out, freeing himself from your grasp to face you with a scowl. "How are you so calm?! How can you be so calm—you loved him too!"

"...I have to be." You forced a smile, and a single tear dripped down your cheek. "One of us has to be."

Even if you knew the truth, it really felt like he was dead; everyone around you thought so, and the emptiness that Regulus' absence left in your life was enough to make you mourn. Sirius choked on his tears and leaned his forehead against your chest, crying onto your shirt. In silence, you ran your fingers through his hair and rubbed his back with your other hand.

"I'm sorry I can't comfort you the way I should. I don't know how."

He hugged your waist. You knelt to embrace him properly, covering the two of you with the blanket. Sirius kept crying as you stared at him in silence. It wasn't the first time you were seeing Sirius Black cry out of sadness—it had been common lately—but every time was a horrible, heart-wrenching sight.

"The guilt is eating me alive, (y/n). I'm disgusted with myself. I can't even see my reflection in the mirror without wanting to rip out my skin," Sirius mumbled, gripping onto your shirt like a scared child. "I was supposed to protect my younger brother, but I've just let him die!"

"Sirius! It is not your fault." You cupped his cheeks to align your gazes before pulling him into a tight hug. "Do you hear me? It is not your fault."

Those words were meant for yourself as well. If anything, the guilt was eating you alive. You were ultimately the reason why both Marco and Sirius had lost the people most dear to them—even if it was to save Regulus and Dafne, you had destroyed the people who cared in return.

The snowfall beyond the window became heavier the longer you stayed comforting Sirius. There was nothing else you could do other than be a shoulder for him to cry on, just as he had said he'd be for you too. 

"I—I miss him," he wailed, his cries and words muffled by your shirt. "I miss my brother!"

Choking on the tears you had tried holding back this whole time, you finally gave in and let them stream down your cheeks as quietly as possible. Sirius looked up at you with eyes of shock before wiping your cheeks dry.

"Why are you so selfless..?" you sniffed, pulling his hands away from your face. "Pay no mind to these tears, Sirius. I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around."

"But you're crying, love," Sirius mumbled as he brought his hands back to your cheeks, "and I hate seeing you cry."

You smiled at him with a small frown and kissed his forehead before pulling him back into a hug. "As do I. So please let me be the one comforting you for once."

Sirius nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck and closed his eyes, the remaining tears getting stuck on his long eyelashes. His breathing quivered from time to time but gradually relaxed as he fell into a slumber. 

You're exhausted; you should be the last person to go through this. I'm sorry, you sighed, humming him a low song. I'm sorry I know the truth and can't tell you. I want so badly for you to know he's alive—basking in the southern sun.

"I wish I could've spared you; protected you from this loss," you whispered, slowly moving off the armchair while accommodating Sirius on it.

You stared at his sleeping face, which didn't look as serene as it usually did, and laid another kiss on his forehead before leaving the room. You stopped at the large painting of yourself that had replaced the one of your family at the top of the main staircase and looked at the (l/n) locket painted around your neck with a small frown.

"Does master Sirius need anything?" Mildred asked as you entered the dining room.

"He's asleep, please do not disturb him," you said as you walked to the end of the table. "It's the first time I was able to properly console him."

"You cannot keep doing this. It is taking too much of a toll on you, miss (y/n)," Claude said as he pulled back your chair.

"It's a burden I was prepared to carry." You rested your chin on your hands. "And it's too late to change this situation. Wouldn't it make it worse if they found out the truth now?"

"I hope you know that you have us, miss (y/n)," Mildred intervened as the butler had been silenced by the truth of your statement. "It might not be much, but we'll support you the best we can."

"...As you always have." You smiled at the pair. "Thank you. I think I would've gone mad by now if you two didn't share this secret with me."

The two of them returned the gesture and bowed before leaving for the kitchen to bring the dinner that had been prepared. The door of the dining room opened, and to much of your surprise, Sirius walked in with a tidier demeanor than you had seen minutes earlier.

"...You're out." You stood up, eyeing him as he walked to his usual seat.

"You said he'd hate to see me like this." Sirius sighed as he pulled his chair and sat. "I think I'm just honouring the wish of the dead. Grief is not something anyone can afford during wartime."