Did It Feel Good When You Broke My Heart?

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Tw//self harm, suicidal thoughts, underage drinking,

It had been a few hours since Ochako was discharged from the hospital. She had to get stitches in several places on her arms and legs due to her harmful habits and stay for a few days to recover. She was feeling better physically but was more than in pain mentally. Her head hurt and the pain was unbearable.

She had been suffering every day and nothing seemed to help her get better. She was sure she was going to be stuck being miserable forever. She had been missing a lot of school and it was affecting her grades.

She had spent so much time crying and she was tired of it. She sniffed back some tears as she grabbed her wallet and phone off her desk. She grabbed her old pair of sneakers from her closet as she didn't want to go get her usual shoes by the front door and risk waking up her parents.

She was going to sneak out for a bit. Her parents threw away all her razor blades and she badly needed to cut. She couldn't handle her pain alone and didn't want to be a burden on anyone's life anymore.

She opened her window and hopped out, thankful for the fact her room was on the first floor.

It was a cold winter night, but she couldn't be bothered to dress warmly. She had thrown on Izuku's old dark green hoodie he let her have and forgot to take back when they split ways. It was his favorite and she cherished it, even if it didn't smell like him anymore. She had also put on a random pair of pajama pants. She could care less about her appearance. It was 2 am and she didn't care what happened to her. She wanted to die anyway.

Her first stop was to go to the 24-hour convenience store to get a few bottles of sake, and a few bowls of instant ramen to satisfy the hunger in her stomach since she hasn't eaten all day and some for later–that was if she managed not to kill herself and get home safely. She was underage but had made a fake id a few years back for whenever she had a craving for alcohol.

It wasn't a good habit she had, but it wasn't as harmful as cutting her skin since she wasn't addicted to it. She started drinking around the time she first started cutting in middle school. She had read so many things about alcohol and being drunk making people feel relaxed and like their problems disappeared and she decided to try it.

She stole one of her dad's beers on a night when both her parents were working late and took it to her room. She was a lightweight and for the longest, it only took her one bottle to get drunk, by now it took about four. And being drunk did help, she felt her thoughts slow and her body felt tingly.

She usually would end up falling asleep after a while, but she for once felt calm.

After purchasing her items and making her ramen, she left the store to go find a bench near the river her house was by. Despite it being so dark out, the lights of the city across the river and bridge reflected onto the water and it made her feel calm. She popped open her bottle of sake after struggling with the cap for a bit and took a big sip. The taste made her body feel tingly and her brain shut up.

She mixes in the sauces and seasoning to her unnecessarily spicy ramen. She ate spicy food because she liked the way it made her mouth and lips hurt, and right now she needed a bit of pain to distract her.

She hadn't had ramen in a while. Her meals for the last three months consisted of whatever her parents forced her to eat to keep her alive. And she had banned herself from ramen. To keep out thoughts of Izuku.

On their last date they went out to a bookstore and on a walk, and for lunch, she had the same ramen she was eating now. But today was most likely going to be her last day alive so she wanted to do whatever she wanted. Regardless of if she thought of Izuku or not.