Nick and Charlie: University

Part 6: Goodbye

TW: Suicidal behaviour

(Nick's POV)

I guess it's fitting, I'll die today as a choice I've made for myself, now I've decided that's what I want to do and figured out how I'm going to do it I have this strange overwhelming sense of calm. Like reaching the end of a marathon and you can see the finish line. I'll be gone but Charlie will carry on, that's what's important, yeah.

I don't want to do it, but it's no longer a case of what I want, I hurt Charlie, I let mum down, I cannot deal with University, so what's the point? I'm on the bus heading into town, there's an old style American diner that I like to go to when I'm sad, I'd like to go now, for a good last meal. I've gained a fair bit of weight the past twelve months, I don't like that, it doesn't really matter now I'm going to die, but I feel like it's just another thing I messed up on, Charlie noticed, he'd look sometimes, never passing comment or judgement, but I know he noticed.

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(Charlie's POV)

I keep calling Nick but his phone is clearly turned off, surely he wouldn't do something so stupid.. would he? I'm terrified because Nick's been my whole life for four years and I honestly couldn't imagine how to carry on without him so thinking about losing him... No, unthinkable. We had to find him "Where are we going?" I ask Tori "His room, we have to start somewhere" she answers. We arrive at his room to find Ben passed out on the sofa "BEN!" I startled him awake "Who- what" he said falling onto the floor "Oh, Charlie why are you in my room?" I pushed him onto the sofa "It's Nick's room, now where is he?" Ben was disoriented and very drunk still "He was getting food I think? But he's been gone since I went sleepy, now shhhhhh, I'm tired" I walked to the door, "Food... THE DINER! Come on!" And I ran off down the corridor.

"So why are you convinced Nick will be at a diner?" Tori asked "It's his favourite spot, we were supposed to go on a date there but instead he had that party" I answered. We arrived at the diner about half an hour later and it was basically empty "Dammit" I say, suddenly a waitress approaches us "Are you Charlie?" She asks, "Yeah, why?" She takes a piece of paper from her pocket "A boy left this for you" I immediately opened it.

'Char,

I'm not sure if you will even get this, but if you do I wanted to explain why I'm doing this, I don't think I need to explain to you what it feels like to live your life for someone else, knowing I've hurt you is just too much to bare.

It's not just that though, I don't feel like Nick Nelson anymore, I feel like the person you fell in love with is dead, and I'm just what's left, I don't know anymore, just know I love you, that's the only thing I'm certain of anymore.

Yours now and always,
Nick.

I can't do this, I HAVE to find him, I will not lose him.