Letter to a Girl

Chapter 2

(Owen)

hey what part of the periodic table was i supposed to cover again?

(Tessa)

Ummmmmmmm you're only just getting to it now??

(Owen)

I got busy lol Sorry.

(Anna)

Haha you're doing hydrogen through francium, Owen.

(Owen)

Thanks. I'm glad at least one of my partners is nice.

(Tessa)

This isn't how you'll be all semester right?

(Owen)

That depends on how many parties I'm invited to.

(Anna)

You went to a party on a school night? Fancy boy over here.

(Owen)

I have many friends.

(Tessa)

No Anna, he crashes the after parties of the football team to fool people into thinking he has a social life.

(Anna)

Ah okay that makes much more sense.

(Owen)

Tessa if you bothered to crawl out of your anti-social lair every so often, you might actually have fun.

(Tessa)

I think we have very different ideas of what fun is.

(Owen)

Whatever. I'm going to bed.

(Tessa)

Don't forget to do your assignment first!!

(Owen)

Yes Mom.

Grinning, I closed the group text chat and was about to put my phone away when I got a separate text message from Anna:

Hey should we do Owen's part just in case he drops the ball? Lol

I chewed my bottom lip for a few moments, my mind in turmoil. How would I answer if it was Owen? God, what was my problem? My phone beeped again. Anna had taken the matter out of my hands:

Uh oh, did all the chem talk bore you to sleep? :)

I typed furiously:

Ha ha no still here! You wanna split it up? I can do hydrogen to potassium and you can do the rest?

(Anna)

Yup, that works!

(Me)

But if Owen starts making a habit of going to those bro parties, we may have to have an intervention.

(Anna)

LOL for real, I don't wanna be stuck doing extra chem for the rest of the term!

(Me)

Preach.

(Anna)

I'm gonna get started on that tonight then :) Let me know if you need help with your portion though okay?

(Me)

Will do!

I flopped down on my bed, staring at her text messages for the better part of an hour. I thought of her eyes. I thought of her wavy hair and the way it folded like fox-colored silk over her neck and shoulders. Then I rolled over onto my side and squeezed my eyes shut. It took a few hours for me to fall asleep.

                                                                                               ***

The cafeteria was a hive of activity that afternoon. After I'd scored my lunch, I fled to an empty corner and tried to become invisible. Usually I ate lunch with Owen, but on this particular day he had track practice. Eating alone made me uncomfortable. I felt exposed and vulnerable---mostly to the cheerleaders. And when I say "cheerleaders," I really mean Diane Cross.

I first met Diane in my freshman year. During the first week of school, she bumped into me in the hallway without apologizing and I called back peevishly: "I'm okay, blondie, thanks for asking!" I guess that rubbed her the wrong way, because she had treated me like a slug ever since. And as luck would have it, no sooner had I sat down than I saw the cheerleaders making their way across the cafeteria. They moved in a tight group, like a single organism of long legs and giggling, decked out in their red and white uniforms. I noticed Anna was with them, and in my shock and embarrassment, I tried to make myself as tiny as possible in my chair.

Diane smelled my weakness. She came straight towards me and stopped at my table with a big shiny smile plastered on her face, like sadistic Barbie. The other cheerleaders fanned out around her. Anna was craning her neck and I saw her eyes light up with recognition.

"What's on the menu today, Tess?" Diane asked brightly.

"Spaghetti and meatballs," I said glumly.

"Mmm, that looks great, I hope I get some before---oh, no!" Her hand knocked my pasta plate off the table and right into my chest. I gasped and jumped. The wet plop of marinara sauce would haunt me for years afterward. "Oh, dear, I'm so sorry," Diane drawled, widening her big blue eyes apologetically. "You should go clean up."

She turned and flounced off. Some of the cheerleaders snickered; most of them, to their credit, looked chagrined and they walked off without looking at me. Only Anna hung back.

"Oh my God," she whispered, bending down to pull the sauce-soaked plate off my chest. It came off with a wet popping sound. I wanted to sink into the floor. "Are you okay? Let me grab you a stack of napkins."

The thought filled me with humiliation rather than comfort.

"No, don't bother," I said quickly. "It's not the first time Diane has given me a hard time. I'll wash it off myself." I attempted a smile. "I didn't know you were part of the squad."

"I only started this year." She grimaced. "I might have reconsidered if I'd known they were like this."

"Seriously, it's fine. I'll wash the sauce out in the bathroom and it'll be good as new."

Anna slid her backpack off her shoulders and rooted through it for a moment until she pulled her own sweater out. She handed it to me.

"Anna, I can't," I protested, but she put a finger on my lips and then I forgot how to speak at all.

"I'll get it back from you tomorrow in Chem, okay?"

She gave me a quick wave and hurried away to rejoin the cheerleaders. I stared after her, clutching the warm, soft sweater in my hands. After several seconds---or days---I stood up, avoiding making eye contact with anyone as I almost ran across the cafeteria. Once I was safely inside the bathroom, I carefully removed my own sauce-soaked sweater and rinsed it off in the sink. I wrung it out several times until the water was no longer ruddy. I shoved it in my backpack, not caring if it got the books wet. Then I slipped Anna's sweater over my head. It smelled like her. I felt my heartbeat quicken, and my stomach was full of heat and butterflies.

Since I had never really experienced attraction before, I didn't know how to process the rainbow of dizzying sensations that Anna provoked inside of me, sensations that stirred what felt like the deepest core of my being. So I decided to blame these confusing feelings on the cheerleaders. Particularly on Diane Cross. She had frazzled me and now I was disoriented and reading into things. I was mistaking close friendship for something else. Once I hung out with Anna long enough, these feelings would fade into something manageable. All I could do right now was keep my shit together, and wait for the moment when everything would finally settle down and I could blissfully reclaim my sanity.