𝘉𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳'𝘴 𝘉𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 || 𝘈.𝘛

41

The Day After The Breakup

small trigger warning- panic attacks and substance abuse!

''Alex, if you don't fucking open this door, I swear to fucking god I will kick it down!'' I can't even process Matt's threat through the door of my LA house as I stumble through the dark, empty walls of the hallway. 

The mix of the alcohol and weed rushing through my system makes it hard for me to walk in a straight line, so I hold my hand out to the wall to steady myself as my aching head tries its best to direct me to Matt's voice. 

''Alex, open it!'' Jamie's voice is the next one I hear and when I turn the corner of the tall walls, my door is coming into view. From the thin plates of glass on each side of the structure, I can see the boys all standing outside. My eyes squint at the lights from outside shining into my house but nevertheless, I continue to drag myself through the now illuminated hall. 

Matt's heavy fists against the door are creating a pain in my head like no other the closer I get, and when I finally make it to the door, I pull it open as quick as I can to stop that deafening noise. 

At first, I'm faced with silence. My blurry eyes can't even focus in on one thing at a time, but with the greatest effort, my vision fades in and out of tired focus on Matt's face- who stares at me with disgust. 

''Jesus fucking christ.'' He mumbles with a head shake before he's pushing me back into the house, almost knocking me off my balance before I catch myself against the door. After him, Jamie and Nick both follow and I shut the door behind him. I have yet to of said a word. 

''You cheated on her?'' Matt is grabbing me by my arm and I try my best to follow. 

''I'm sorry.'' Is the only thing I can muster out as Matt drags me through my halls. 

''You're disgusting.'' Matt responds and I sigh disappointedly. I fully agree with him which is why I can't even argue back. 

Being far too gone to even notice where Matt has pulled me to, I huff when he's pushing me, a small sense of relief rushing through me when I realize he's pushed me onto my couch instead of pushing me onto my stone floor- like I'd imagined him to. 

''What where you thinking!? She's my fucking little sister, Alex! Why would you do that?'' I'm shaking my head whilst avoiding his eye contact, not like I could even make eye contact with him right now. 

''I'm so, so sorry.'' Again, it's the only thing I can even think to muster up. 

I can't tell him about the deal. It'll ruin everything. If I tell him, he'll do something and Colin will allow Luke to press charges. I can't let something like that ruin Brielle's life. 

''You should be! This is going to ruin her, you prick. And all for what? A shag with Megan?'' Nick chips in and my heart breaks at the disappointment in my best friend's voice.

''She won't even speak to us now, Alex! She's our best friend and you've driven her away.. do you realize how selfish that is?'' This time, Jamie is the one to speak and where Nick sounded disappointed, Jamie sounds disgusted. 

''All this time, she's been so fucking selfless. She quit her job to go on tour with you, for god sakes!'' Matt paces in front of me whilst I let each of them take their go on me. ''She's done so much for all of us and you've just gone and thrown it all away like that.''

Although a great part of me is entirely relieved that I haven't actually willingly cheated on Brielle, another part of me is heartbroken. I'm heartbroken that I'm having to put so many people around me through this sort of pain. 

''I swear I'm sorry.'' And again, it's the only thing I can spit out through my liquor-tasting tongue. I'd say sorry a million more times if it meant that they'd believe how much I hate what I've had to do. 

I feel sick to my stomach. I don't even know how much I've drank, except that I started yesterday as soon as I got home from mine and Megan's first stunt, passed out, woke up hungover and grabbed the first half drank bottle I could see. 

''Sorry means nothing, you've already done it now.'' Matt's voice is now at a quieter volume to before, but it's that phrase that breaks me. 

I break down. 

The tears that have come and gone over the past twenty four hours spill over the waterline of my red, stinging eyes and my chest puffs up and down in a desperate attempt to catch the hot air around me. 

''I'm sorry.'' I repeat again through my hot flush of heavy tears and lost breath. Under my breath, I repeat and repeat the same phrase. 

I'm sorry.

I don't even notice how Matt has sat down in front of me and how his hand has come to rest atop my shoulder. 

''Get him some water.'' I hear him say to Jamie and Nick as the palms of my hands come up to cover my wet eyes, my elbows resting against my shaky knees. 

''Breath.'' Matt says annoyedly and I'm so thankful that he's there in the moment, I know he's annoyed but he's still trying to help. 

I repeat a sincere apology through my breaths but it gets hard to repeat it again with the way my neck begins to ache at the way I'm gasping for air and crying at the same time. 

''You're okay.'' Matt's hand is still on my shoulder and I nod at his reassurance before I try to take one deep breath. The breath is interrupted by a few shudders, but when I do it again, the shudders aren't as evident. 

''I know you're my bestfriend, but I think you're a fucking idiot at the moment, Al. You need to sort yourself out.'' Matt is telling me when I'm calming down, my breaths now easier to catch than before. 

For the first time in minutes, I bring my hands from my eyes and look up. Jamie and Nick stand in front of me and Matt sits beside me. 

''You really need to sort yourself out, for the sake of Brielle.'' Nick nods in agreement to Matt. 

Matt stands up to meet Jamie and Nick in front of me before he speaks. 

''Listen, Alex. I don't know what possessed you to do this but I know you're not like that so whether it's you doubting yourself, or getting into these habits.'' He refers to the drinking and drugs. ''You need to stop it now if you're wanting to get Brielle back. You're lucky she's the type of selfless person to give you a second chance. Coming to you as your bestfriend, I hope that's the case for you, but coming to you as Brielle's brother, I hope she respects herself enough not to come back, Alex. What you did was fucked up.'' Matt says honestly and I nod my head in understanding although my heart breaks at the idea of not getting Brielle back. 

Like any other time tonight, I can't muster up an answer, so I just nod. Without saying anything, the boys leave. 

And like they'd wanted me to, I sort myself out. 

First, I sleep. I wake up, I shower, I clean up, I eat and most importantly, I think about everything. 

I think about how there's no way I'd be this so distraught over someone that I don't love, which leads me to one outcome. 

I love Brielle, so much that it physically hurts. 

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a/n- i love how much the lyrics of the song add up to this chapter

also i apologize to colin, im sure ur a lovely man irl xx