Everyone wants to find themselves. Everyone wants that sense of identity that defines them. But where the hell do we find it?
Where to start? My family, they can be judgemental and that affects how I act around them. I'm a people pleaser. Does that mean I don't know who I am because I act how I think people want me to act?
How do you fill up your free time? I often spend time planning trips to places around the world I really really want to go but never actually book it because I'm scared to spend that much time alone.
I know I'm not mentally prepared enough for a realtionship but I can't help but be jealous of my friends who manage to hold healthy relationships with men. I feel like the majority of the interactions I have with men are disappointing and make me believe that the extinction of mankind should come sooner please.
How do we really learn about ourselves? How do I know who I am?
We all find the dark daunting, right? I don't want to assume or anything but taking that step into darkness, into the unknown should scare the shit out of a sane man.
Anti-climactic should be more of a disappointing word. Or climax should be more exciting, something about that feels all wrong.
Am I obsessed with the man or do I just use his face to fill out my life fantasies and now I think that I need him in my life to fulfill the fantasies when in reality he is just a filler?
How much effort is it to have a relationship? Because I can't even have a healthy relationship with my own brain. I feel that maybe I should not be allowed complete freedom in the world.
I know that the idea of ending up in a classic nuclear family seems like my worst nightmare but I also don't want to be alone. What do I want then? Fuck I don't know.
