RIGHT SO! guys seriously so much has happen omg im not even gonna worry about spelling or punctuations much in this its literally just a rant on everything so first off i was yk in my thoughts and i realized something which raised this question have any of you all like gone to a doctor and they diagnose you with something, tell you they know for a fact you have it, suggest medication for it, anD NOT WRITE THE SHIT IN THE OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS???? ive been diagnosed with some things (ofc somethings are officially inputted... i think..) and the doctor goes over ways to deal with it but then suddenly theyre like "well you didnt come here for that so ill do the paperwork later" and then i go to a different doctor (cuz the other one left) and theyre like "huh i dont see any reports on this are you sure about the diagnoses?" LIKE WTF?? IVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH SEVERE ANXIETY BUT NOW I EVEN QUESTION IF THATS ON THE DOCS THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME I DEFINITELY HAVE IT BUT IS IT ACTUALLY ON ANYTHING??? i swear i just get bad doctors.. i mean.. i guess maybe bad is a good word since ive even had one remind me i could die at just about any given point.. bro thats so sad omg lets move off that!!
LETS GET INTO SOMETHING EVEN WORSE!! SOMETHING VERY SAD HAHAHA uh yeah anyway for those of you curious i had gotten better!! ....had... its not as bad as it has been though! kinda.. eh ive.. its pretty bad? i just havent given into those urges again not yet... but for what it was worth i really enjoyed when i didnt have those thoughts! actually i was talking with my mom and i guess even though im more open about these things im still pretty closed off on how i feel but i guess my family is still really worried about what i might do which is fair some days even i dont know whats gonna happen.. why does that sound really bad?? oh no.. i mean i dont mind answering anything about how im feeling but if its not brought up i just... dont want to bother people with it?
guys its.. 5:13 AM and like... im supposed to do something at 10 AM.. and i havent slept cuz suddenly insomnia wanted to act up really bad.. wonder if itll last only a week of being this bad maybe a month? anyway one of the last things i wanted to talk about was i have a friend!! that sounds kinda bad towards the friends i have on here but i mean it as in i have a friend that i met not from here yk? then again most of you all have never heard my voice so.. i guess that means they have one upped you guys haha oh god but that also means they HEAR my voice... NOOOO THEY HAVE TO LISTEN TO MY HORRIBLE VOICE WTF I FEEL SO BAD FOR THEM but it gets worse... theyve decided to read all my books on here... i dont have a problem with them read the stories i just.. i still have that problem with my writing some of you probably know and im sure some of you dont but anyway i hate my writing like i despise my own writing with my whole being thats how much i wish it would just vanish maybe even vanishing isnt enough but ive left it all up for so long because... somehow people enjoy it.. somehow.. those exact things i despise keep getting reads each day someone adds at least one of them to a reading list and this isnt me bragging i just dont understand how people keep liking them i cant even look at the titles without cringing at myself! anyway i would continue but like... its 5:40 AM now and... i started writing around 4 AM i.. need to try and get some sleep i doubt i will but hey its worth a try
mochii~
