Always [AFON Sequel]

Chapter 2: Conflict

There was no sound in the room but his fingers tapping on the table restlessness. He tried not to turn his head to look at the clock but he did it anyway, seeing that another 30 minutes had passed since he last checked the time. He huffed and leant back in his chair, pondering on how to handle this situation.

Sadly enough, Bucky was already used to this situation, what did not mean that it made things any easier. [Y/N]'s shift should've ended hours ago but he was used to her working longer on purpose. He understood that there was a lot to process for both of them and he could see her trying. But it wasn't the first time she was taking extra shifts to avoid being upstairs with him. In the beginning, Bucky couldn't even blame her because it felt weird enough for himself to be back in Oakland in a time he literally just got placed into. The last time he was there it was to hide from the world, not knowing what chaos was awaiting them. Just thinking about the dramatic change in his life made him sigh as he fealt his headache coming back. He was kind of used to the pain, as if his head refused to proceed the whole snap and blip thing. Bucky was sick of the permament changes in his life when he wanted nothing more than to finally rest and live his life like every normal person. Once again, he wondered if his life was destinied to be that complicated.

He pushed those dark thoughts away, not willing to deal with them today and looked at the empty plate in front of him. He had given up waiting for [Y/N] to join him for dinner more than an hour ago and had just eaten his own portion, hoping [Y/N] would join him anytime soon. But she didn't.
"Fuck this..." he mumbled and got up to clean the place. He would not spend his day sitting in the kitchen, waiting for his girlfriend to show up whenever she felt like it. A long run would help him to get rid of all the frustration, the anger and whatever else he was feeling.

As he looked out of one of the big windows, he wondered what Steve would be doing right now and if he should give him a call. It would be good to talk to someone but on the other hand, he didn't want to bother his friend. And even more important, he didn't want to talk to anybody for as long he was in such a bad mood.
And just like that, right before Bucky could went to change, the door to the apartment openend. [Y/N] placed down her things with a sigh, not even looking at Bucky as she came closer, pondering about the day. "I swear if I just talk to one more person saying it's the most urgent and that we have to hurry, I'm going to lose it. I swear-"
For a moment, Bucky just stood there, watching her, wondering how she could just go on as if everything was fine. "[Y/N]" Bucky interrupted her "Where were you?"
"What do you mean? Working. I just-"
"I cooked dinner" Bucky said, none of them realizing that they were having completely different conversations. "I was waiting for you. You're three hours late."
[Y/N] was taking a look at her watch as if she wouldn't know that she was that late, as if she didn't stay away on purpose. Just like every other day. And even though both knew she was lying, [Y/N] raised her eyebrow. "That's weird. I could've sworn it was just one more patient."
"When are we going to talk about it?" Bucky huffed, rolling his eyes at her pathetic lie.
"Talk about what?" [Y/N] said as she headed to the bedroom to get changed. Another way of trying to escape. "There's nothing to talk about."
Bucky huffed another time and followed her, leaning against the doorframe while [Y/N] unbuttoned her shirt. "You're avoiding me, [Y/N]!" Bucky said. But no matter how frustrated he really was, his voice sounded nonchalant. "How about we talk about that? How about we talk about you staying at work to keep your distance and myself, waiting for you, day by day. Us, never talking about this for weeks. How about we talk about that?"
"I'm not avoiding you" [Y/N] said and turned to face Bucky for the first time today. As their eyes met, Bucky felt a pain in his heart, his longing to he with her flooding away all of the negative emotions. And even though it was not noticable, [Y/N] flinched as her own wave emotions crushed over her, reminding her why she refused to look at him anymore. Even though they were standing in the same room and stood so close, there was a huge distance between them. 
"Bullshit" Bucky huffed and pushed himself off the doorframe to get closer to her. The tension lasted no longer than a few seconds but he was already sick of it. "Does this feel normal to you? Like a normal relationship? Being in the same room like right now is such a rare thing" he said, not realizing that this was the very first time a hint of emotions lay in his voice, the ending of his words sounding so sad, yet barely noticeable.
"I was working" [Y/N] said nonchalant as she tried to ignore the chaos of emotions inside her.
Another time, Bucky looked at her in disbelief, even though it was just for a tiny second. "That's all?" he asked frowning. "Listen, [Y/N], if you don't want this relationship, just say it." His own words hurt him , kind of surprised him but he was so tired of hoping, that he was willingly about to give up.
"That's not what I said!" [Y/N] exclaimed with her voice slowly raised as she took a step closer. Even though she could not really feel it in the chaotic wave of emotions, fear rises inside her.
"Then tell me what you want because I don't have a single clue and it looks like you don't want this anymore!" Bucky exclaimed in the same volume. It seemed like he was just copying her emotions by now, his words coming out faster than he could think about them.
"Bucky, stop this!" [Y/N] said even louder. Tears were about to form in her eyes which she tried desperately to fight. She would not cry in front of him. She would not show him her true feelings. She couldn't give in to her emotions once again. "What do you want?" she asked frustrated, stepping back just one step to bring the distance between them that she needed.
"What I want is you, [Y/N]! Don't you see it? I'm tired of waiting for you day by day! But I can't keep on going if you keep on avoiding me." There it was again, the tiny hint of sadness at the end of his words, as if that single step distance was enough to feel his own emotions again, instead of copying hers.
"I'm not avoiding you, Buck" [Y/N] huffed.
"Oh really?" Bucky said sarcastically, also not being able to control the storm of emotions inside himself. "Because that is what all your long shifts are really looking like. For God's sake, this is one of the best medical centers with enough staff. You don't need to take this extra shifts."
"It's my work, Buck! I just can't end the day when I want to. When they need me, I stay."
"You stay every day" Bucky repeated his words and sighed when he realized they were repeating themselves. "Listen, [Y/N], when you don't want this relationship anymore, just say it. This can't go on forever".
"I just said-" [Y/N] said kind of desperate but Bucky broke her off.
"I know what you said but I also know what you do. You might not say it, but your actions tell me something different."
"Bucky, stop!" [Y/N] exclaimed loudly. Desperation was hearable, if the two of them just wouldn't have been so busy with their own emotions. She took a step towards him, as if she was about to touch him, to grab him, to beg him to stay.
"Give me a reason then!" Bucky said frustrated, not seeing what was happening right in front of him. Gone the days he noticed every detail in front of him, where this would've been enough to stop them and to make things right. "You can't expect me to wait for you, day by day!"
"I don't!"
"Oh really? Because-"
This time, it was [Y/N] who cut him off. Because she knew what direction this conversation was turning and it scared the hell of out her. "For God's sake, stop it!"
"Damn it, [Y/N]!" Bucky hissed, their voices rising with every new sentence. "We can't keep on going like that! We need to talk or this relationship is doomed!"
"I told you to stop!" [Y/N] almost screamed in his face as she was taking another step closer, both of them standing too close for the volume of their voices.
"Don't you see what you're doing?! You're ruining-"
"Stop!!" [Y/N] shouted desperately and suddenly, her flat hands touched his chest only to push him backwards. She was not even realizing what she was doing but once she had begun, [Y/N] couldn't stop it. She continued to push him backwards while repeating "Stop it, stop it, stop it!" until Bucky's back touched the wall and there was no way out.
"[Y/N]!!" Bucky almost screamed in her face when he grabbed her hands and pushed them down, holding them in place next to them. Their eyes looked, their breathing was heavy. For a moment, they just stared at each others, the wave of emotions almost visible in each others eyes.