Arashu's Gift

Chapter 27

Thane wasn't used to feeling hope. Wishfully thinking of tomorrow wasn't part of his life. On the contrary, for years all he had felt was the sickening nostalgia of yesterday stored away in the few nice memories he consumed like a vital element. However, the last months had given him two big reasons to hope again: the reunion with Kolyat and his relationship with Shepard. It seemed like a cruel joke by the gods with death upon him. Or perhaps it was a colossal test to overcome, for he must survive the mission at the other side of the Omega 4 relay and be the subject of a miracle to heal him of Kepral's Syndrome to even begin to taste the sweetness of such prospects. His long-held apathy fought to recover its old territory in his heart, while that shy fresh air was slowly pushing through deep within him, making him believe again. Thane chuckled.

Seated at the table in Life Support supporting his chin on his joined hands, he breathed in as deeply as possible, reaching the painful limit that always seemed to close his airways. He felt his chest burning and that too-familiar stabbing feeling in his back. Suddenly he was aware of his reality. This dream, Shepard's kisses and Kolyat's voice calling him father once again, were nothing more than just that. A dream. Perhaps he hadn't awakened completely but instead fallen into a cruel daydream, showing him all that could be if time wouldn't slip through his fingers like grains of sand of the desert. Maybe all this was nothing else but a lesson from the gods, showing him all the time that he had lost avenging Irikah's death. He had allowed guilt to dictate his path and, in the process, he had abandoned his son. Every sweet encounter with her, the Siha in human skin who had found him on the Dantius Tower, meant nothing but a constant reminder of his ill-spent life. Perhaps this reunion with Kolyat was to show him his son didn't need him anymore, for when he actually did, he wasn't there. Thane let out a sigh and closed his eyes.

He decided to leave Life Support in an effort to clear his mind. As soon as he was in the hallway, he heard Kasumi's voice at the other side of Port Observation's closed door. Was she weeping? He entered the men's restroom and purposely remained perfectly still, sharpening his hearing.

"Don't tell me that ..." he heard Kasumi's voice say at the other side of the wall. "But Keiji ... I can't destroy it. I won't!"

Thane pondered what to do. His first instinct told him what he had just heard was a classic episode of solipsism. He remembered Kasumi's graybox and inferred the rest. He knew too well what she was feeling at that moment. The big difference was that she as a human was consciously choosing to lose herself in the memories, whereas for drell, it was almost impossible to escape a memory once it was triggered.

He went out of the restroom, turning to the door of Port Observation. He raised his hand to the lock but regretted it halfway there. He took a step back and was beginning to turn around when he heard the chime of the door opening.

"Don't just stand there, silly," Kasumi said, smiling under her hood.

Thane looked at her and, hesitantly, he took a few steps inside the room. She was sitting on the L-shaped couch with her legs flexed against her chest.

"I know what you'll tell me," she said, wiping her nose. "Don't waste your advice on me, Thane."

He held his hands behind his back, walking towards the window. The vast space splashed by stars and the superb quarian ships immediately captured his attention.

"It's a miserable existence," Thane said, thinking out loud. "For memories, as real as they may feel, are just that. Memories. Past."

"But now you have Shep to comfort you," Kasumi said, amused.

Thane turned his head towards her at his left. Kasumi held his gaze with a mixture of challenge and mockery on her face under the shadow of her hood.

"Don't think I haven't realized what's going on between you two," she said, smiling. "I'm happy for you, Thane. Honestly."