SCRIPTURIENT REVIEWS | OPEN

❄JOURNEY TO STRIKE FRIXSS | VERNE ❄

Book title: Journey to Strike Frixss

Author: Neored4

Reviewed by: v-XVIII

Chapters Read: 5

Cover

The cover feels so distant from the story. It doesn't convey the same vibes as the title and what the blurb says. It also doesn't really convey the genre that you said the work is. If it's fantasy horror, give the cover more fantasy and horror vibes. Right now, I would think this is some contemporary piece about camping or something. The text also doesn't suit the background and so it doesn't feel cohesive and just looks like an image with text slapped on it.

I highly suggest getting a new cover to draw readers in. If you're not sure about your own graphic designing skills, feel free to request a cover from any Wattpad graphic store. I would even refer to our own community's graphic shop: Brilliant Brushes.

Title

The title is fine. It's functional, it tells us what the story is going to be about and gives off the idea that this story is going to be fantasy adventure type of sorts. I do think it's a bit boring because of how direct it is? And also because it doesn't exactly convey horror in my opinion. I would suggest changing it. Maybe perhaps find a theme or an important object in your book that you can use as a title. But it is functional so, if you don't have any ideas, it's fine to keep it as it is.

Blurb

The first paragraph is fine. It's a good hook and establishes the setting clearly. However, it does have a grammatical error. I would rephrase the first paragraph as:

Humanity has been forced to hide behind walls in cities to survive from the Frixss—monsters that savagely kill and devour anyone they see.

Could also be reworded like this:

Humanity has been forced to hide behind walls in cities to survive from the monsters that savagely kill and devour anyone they see: the Frixss.

Either way, just change the "have" to "has" because humanity is a singular word, not plural.

As for the second paragraph... I would say you can remove the "The story" part to make it a bit more direct? Or to make it more correct you could change it to "This story". I feel like this part in general could be rephrased to feel more immersive rather than feeling like a short summary of the setting. I would rephrase your second paragraph as such:

In the southern part of the continent lies Kranic City, a city wherein *short description of Kranic City*. Here, students are taught the use of weapons and elemental stones, *description of what elemental stones are*. And finally, once they have proven their skill, they become soldiers for the city, protecting the peace and doing various missions to help the city (*changeable to whatever you think is the point of the missions*).

By rephrasing the description as more of a "this is what this is" rather than a "They do this here, they do that there" it becomes more of an immersive blurb mainly because you refrain from the use of distant words such as "The story". If you're going for an epic adventure vibe though, using something like "This story follows" can actually work as it gives the vibe of an epic, or a folktale which are forms that many old adventure stories took.

Then for the third paragraph, the first sentence is fine. It's informative and leaves a mystery, though I do wish you gave a little hint about what was the horrifying thing? Are they monsters? Or something else? Like so: One day, they get information about there being other cities in the northern part of the continent, but the informer also tells them something else. [Monsters of unknown origins and blah blah blah have been found wandering the north.] *aka insert your description of what that horrifying thing is*