Love stronger than death (TanZen/ZenTan)

[1]

The metallic taste never left his mouth once during the whole battle. He could feel his legs ache with pain, stretched out and overworked muscles scream in agony, and his breath hitch, a small ‘wheeze’ leaving him with every breath. Blonde locks swayed in the cold night wind, eyes warily scanning the area around him for any kind of movement. Where did his opponent go?? He couldn’t even seem to hear the demon. There was a loud ringing sound piercing his ears, and making his head ache. He could feel the pain in his skull increase more and more every second, his back growing warmer, because of his body slightly calming down from the adrenaline, and from all the sweat gathering under his uniform. Finally, he managed to get his breath to be steady once more, the small ‘huff’s his nose made coming out as puffs of white smoke. Tonight was a particularly cold one, and he could feel his toes, and the ends of his fingers grow numb from all the coldness. His heartbeat speed was increasing by the second. Something was not right. Something- something was wrong. Why did the one he fought suddenly leave? Why did it leave him on the battlefield like that? It wasn’t normal for demons to simply abandon their prey like that. The blonde pressed his lips together in a thin line, his senses calming down slowly. Now that he could hear clearer; the demon was there. Why was it waiting? Why didn’t it strike him down when he was in a state of panic? Why didn’t it take the chance? It wasn’t right. No. Not at all. Something was surely,,, terribly wrong.

Then- it hit him. Like a slap in the face. Almost literally. The overwhelming pain in his legs. And then - the warm, yet painful feeling on his forehead. There was a huge slash across the side of his forehead, right above his eyes. Blood ran down, getting into his eye and flooding his mouth. The taste of blood, the smell, hell, even the texture of the liquid - he was all too familiar with it now and yet- and yet it felt quite weird to have this much of it on his hands. The tendrons in his legs got cut, releasing a huge, shooting wave of pain spreading up and down his legs. It reached all the way up to his ribs, making him gasp as he fell forward, into the thick layer of snow. He felt the rocks and sticks beneath the - what seemed to be - a puff, of white, cold snow. The truth is - it wasn’t a puff at all. It didn’t save him from the fall by any means. He felt the sharp, hard objects hit and stab him, a new wave of pain erupting from his chest and stomach all the way back to his spine. The agony traveled all the way down to his pelvis, and spread around his already pained and swollen legs. He felt weird warmth spread across his entire body, along with another, agonizing wave of pain. It was pure torture to breathe at this point, let alone move at all. He… can’t do it, can he? Even after all the hard training, he went through. After all the shed tears, blood, and sweat- after lifting logs and rocks until he couldn’t feel his arms anymore, after swinging his sword ‘till his arms felt like they were falling off, and even after that, after running and jumping until his legs gave up on him, after training and polishing the one breathing technique he could use even more, to an even sharper perfection, after practicing godspeed move ‘till he passed out, after working on building more muscle, after almost drowning just to grow his lung expanding capability to it’s best, after- after all this- he still couldn’t defeat a demon with a lower moon rank. He really was a failure, wasn’t he? The blonde thought as he wheezed for air, even though even a slight sip of the cold air made his lungs feel like they were getting pierced with thousands and millions of tiny, icy spikes, even though a simple, quiet groan made him cough up yet another, small puddle of crimson red blood, even though a simple move of his fingers in an attempt to grip the handle of his katana made an unbearable wave of pain shoot through his entire body - he still tried to get his breathing under control.

‘Stop crying, Zenitsu! Stop running away!’ - he could almost clearly hear his grandfather yell at him as if it was the good old times. When he still wasn’t a demon slayer. Not yet.

But,, there is nothing he could do now. Not without his legs. The tendrons in them got cut all the way through... An unhealable injury. No matter how hard he would try - it wouldn’t bring any results. He knew it. He knew it so- why did he still try to bring himself up? Using his katana as a way to support himself. He used all the strength he had left to try and lift himself up, biting the insides of his cheeks to stop himself from letting out an agonized screech. Shakily, he let out a long sigh, the air from his mouth turning into a white, almost transparent cloud, before disappearing. He could feel how he was losing more and more strength in his legs. They were going numb from his knees, all the way down. The only good thing about this was; that he will feel less pain. Suddenly, the katana slipped on the snow, and Zenitsu fell face-first into the cold puff of snow. He choked back a gasp of pain,eyes wide and full of tears as he wheezed in a painful breath, a loud, long, squeaky sound escaping his lips every time he exhaled.

It hurt. It hurt so much. But- he cannot afford to disappoint his friends,- no. His family again. Not again. He was already a failure. And he knew it! He knew he was a total freak, and a total mistake! And yet- Inosuke, Aoi, Kanao, Nezuko, Genya… Tanjiro. They treated him so kindly. Like- like he deserved all this love. But he knew. He knew that he didn’t. So- why? The question has been haunting his mind for so long.. And he still doesn’t have an answer. Even after years. After so long..

Agh! Stop weeping, Zenitsu! Now is not the time to cry! He has to get up. He has to return- to thank everyone before he dies. He cannot end like this. He has to find out what happened to Tanjiro. What happened to his friend.. Best friend, even.

To his lover.

Finally, after what seemed to be hours,, he managed to get his breathing under control. It hurt. It still hurt so much. But he has to keep going. For everyone. Because even if he thought otherwise,, even if he doubted it - they were there, back at the butterfly estate. Waiting for him. Even though he didn’t know why. He didn’t know why would anyone wait for someone like him. Someone useless. Someone talentless. Someone weak, annoying. Someone who failed to protect the person he loved the most. And so, he used his sheathed katana to pull himself up. He relayed on it to not slip again as he let out a shaky breath, the air coming out of his mouth in white, fluffy clouds. He looked around, trying to find the direction he came from. It was hard - not only because he was in the middle of a forest, but also because it was winter, and it was heavily snowing. A few coughs escaped him,, and his mouth felt dry, well, at least until he tasted the metallic taste, with a hint of sweetness to it. The blonde groaned slightly as he felt the crimson-red liquid run down his chin, and stain his uniform more than it was already stained. He could hear how it hit the snow and melted it. He tried to take a step forward, but to no avail. His legs had literally given up on him, making him fall backwards, onto his back. His katana has slipped away. Zenitsu choked back a gasp as an ungodly strike of pain caressed his bones, blooming in the middle of his spine and spreading its roots all the way up and down his body, reaching every fiber that he could still feel. Zenitsu wheezed and gasped and coughed as he had laid on the ground, his body shaking not only from the cold, but also from the overwhelming pain that just wouldn’t go away. Why? Why does he have to die in such a gruesome way? In such a painful,, torturing, and terrifying way? He could barely move at all anymore. The snow was making his body stiff, and he could barely feel his hands at all anymore. He couldn’t feel his nose, or his legs. Neither his ears, and he was sure that his lips were beginning to grow purple.

Ah, so this is how it’s going to end? He will freeze to death, in the middle of a forest, where no one will even find him? Of course. A pathetic and terrible way to die for a pathetic and terrible person. He wasn’t even able to find out what had happened with Tanjiro. He was so useless during those years that they were apart. He didn’t even find a single clue. All he had left from the brunette were his earrings and the sweet, old memories they had together. Zenitsu stared up at the sky blankly as he felt his body grow more and more numb, the pain slowly disappearing. Now that he thinks of it; it’s kind of nice. Not feeling any pain anymore. Not feeling anything anymore at all. Maybe he was actually lucky to die this way, huh?

Ah,, he was growing tired. His eye lids were growing heavier.. Tanjiro… Will he forgive him? For not arriving on time? All he could think of was the memory from the last time they could have met.

But they didn’t.

Because he’s stupid.

And wasn’t fast enough.

It was all his fault, wasn’t it?