The Burning Shrine Spirit

Chapter 1

My earliest memories were of being a wee little kit

We were living within the alleys of the city humans would walk pass our alley a lot.

I had six other siblings and I was the oldest

My mother had called me 双尾 Shuāng Wěi Two tail

Because of my two tails she had said it was a mutation and that humans would either hate me or cherish due to it
She didn’t want to take any chances and neither did I

I don’t remember my father at all but he was most likely to be another stray.

My mother couldn’t take care of us so me being the eldest had to take some of the work load and make sure my siblings were fed.

I remember being incredibly hungry as I watched my siblings eat but I couldn’t eat myself

I couldn’t bare to they needed it more then me.

Mother had once said

“Despite me and 双尾 going out everyday and feeding you guys everything we can find your still hungry…..”

I think she had felt guilty

I could see it in her yellow eyes

She felt sorry that we were born as lowly strays and not wealthy high end family

I remember traversing through the markets weaving through legs of humans and mingling with the crowd.

I remember the sharp smell of fresh fish and meat buns in the market

How they always made me hungry.
Sometimes acting cute would be a enough

Humans would reward me with a fish head perhaps and a whole fish on good days

I remember desperately wanting to have the fish for myself but I remembered I have my siblings to fee and what would my mother say?

Sometimes mother and me would bring enough food for us but more then most times it wouldn’t be enough.

I remember being chased by the dogs and getting bit
I remember fighting the strays for scraps of food

The Winter was the worse but I bared it
Cause I loved watching my siblings playing with the snow without a care
But the cold was cutting and sharp.
The good times where few and small during the Winter.

Food was hard and scarce
My mother always looked scared as she looked at me and my siblings
The other strays had called me all skin and bone

During the Winter our pelts were the only things keeping us warm but without the food in our bodies the sharp wind cut through our scrawny bodies and hollow bones as hunger gnawed at our muscles

I remember staggering through the snow carrying two of my siblings as my mother carried three

I was tired I couldn’t carry my little brother 修补 Xiū Bǔ Patch I remember his little whines of pain as he staggered through the snow behind me

I had told him to hurry up

I knew if we didn’t we would freeze outin the snow
Maybe it was because of the cold ebbing away at my  muscles but i didn’t hear it until it was too late.

I had heard the tell tale sound of a body hitting the snow

I turned around and I remember my heart dropping into my stomach
I could only stare until I heard my mother yowl and I saw her orange pelt bound through the snow.

I watched as she shook 修补

I remember my body moving in its own and bounding after her.

My siblings pitiful cries and yowls covered the pounding in my head
修补 wouldn’t wake up.

I remember being so hungry

I felt sick

I felt so filthy when me and my siblings dug our claws into 修补 body

I hated hearing the sound of ribs crack and crunch as we tore his flesh

It was warm and tasty

But I felt so sick

I could still feel his blood on my teeth
It was the first time I ever felt full

That was the first death

When the snow had melted and the birds had come back it was easier to find food and shelter as we no longer had the cold nipping at our fur

But I had lost my appetite for the big fat pigeons that my mother had brought home

I don’t think I could ever hear the crunching of bone and feel the tearing of flesh normally again.

In late Spring and early Summer my siblings had gotten older and were getting curious of the outside

Mother never did like that
She said we were to rambunctious and hard to find if we went missing

Looking back on it I would’ve agreed

especially with what happened then

I didn’t like dogs

Never did and never will

I was bringing back a full salmon the day it happened

The little abandoned shed we stayed in was a good place for shelter and mother knew my siblings wouldn’t stray to fat from it.

Well that’s what we thought
My sharp ears flicked as I heard the loud sudden bark of a dog

No not a dog

Dogs

But why would there be dogs so far out of the city?

Humans loved dogs didn’t they?

So why were they here?

Perhaps they were strays or hunting dogs?

I guess curiosity did kill that cat cause next thing I knew I was running towards the howling and barking

But as I drew near

I smelt it
The metallic smell of blood

Not any blood

月神 Yuè shén Luna’s blood

月神 my younger sister had gotten into a scuffle with the dogs

I could do nothing as I helplessly watched her fend off the dogs

I was a coward

I was scared.

I would never be able to forget the look of betrayed in her yellow eyes when she saw my retreating on the wall.

That was our second death.

Middle of Autumn mother had told me that Winter would soon arrive and cover us

I shivered at the thought of what had happened to 修补

Mother had said she would return and that she needed me to make sure my siblings didn’t wander

I thought back to 月神

I promised her I would keep them safe
And with that she left like the wind

It wasn’t until mid day did I start to worry

She still hadn’t come back and my siblings were getting restless and hungry

Despite wanting to go scavenge myself I couldn’t leave my siblings

My senses sharpened as I tried to hear any signs that our mother was back

In the distance I could hear the noise of panicked horses whinnying

It wasn’t until later did I find out from 
胖猫 Pàng Māo Fat Cat that we had our third death.

The next few years weren’t easy for me
I had to scavenge and hunt for my siblings

They were getting stronger and could hunt themselves and no longer needed me.

They started to grow distant to me
Perhaps I had mothered them for to long that they started to feel irritated with me

I would never know
And neither do I want to know what drove them to attack me

风步 Fēng Bù Wind Step my third youngest sister had pounced on me one day

I didn’t notice until her claws had dug into my weak flesh and stained bits of my gray fur with red.

I was hurt

My emotions and body felt pain
Why was my very own sibling attacking me?

When mother died I naturally became the leader of my litter

But it seems like my siblings didn’t like that and felt the need to challenge me for my place.

I was a brittle and weak little thing
I had not eaten like my siblings neither did I ever had the time to play

Several of my siblings attacked me and I could no longer defend myself.

They had exiled me from my own home.
And here in the streets I wondered

Was it worth it?

Was it worth caring for them?

And I find myself answering

No

It wasn’t and that if I had the chance to love again
I would never love them