The way life goes •

The beginning of my end

When I think back to how life was going it's amazing to think I was alive or that I even let this kind of thing happen.

Knockoff corpse❤️ : I just need time okay.
Me: yeah that's okay

When I looked at his texted it broke me into pieces. The guy I was going to end my life for. The one I was okay with just leaving all of this world near me didn't even want to speak to me. I got out of my bed turned off my light and watched bojack horseman until my eyes got heavy.
~~~
It wasn't like meeting him was even my plan in life. That I planned to met someone I would end up liking during the break I was having with my boyfriend. We met on tiktok. During one of those scrolls through the lives that were going on at that time. And I tapped to watch his.

"Listen I don't make love. I fuck. Hard" the guy I was watching laughed.
Ummmm. What did I join into?
He kept laughing like nothing even happened at all.
I meannnn. That was kinda hot but likeeee.
He read my comment and then looked confused. He tapped a few keys I guessed was his computer and clicked on something. He smiled slightly at whatever was shown.
"Now that's someone I could go to jail if I admitted I liked" he laughed it off and asked for some song request.

This was the pattern for the few days me and my boyfriend were on a break. I'd be in bed scrolling through the useless app and then hed pop up out of nowhere. With no warning til one day things went differently.

When I clicked on his live he was in the kitchen it seemed from the ways the cabinets looked. He was making something and was going on about his day.
"Yeah and I told him a million times about it but he didn't want to listen"
Hey love.
"Hello!! We're making food right now and going on about our days. How was y'all's?"
Well my boyfriend finally said he wants me back so..
"Well that's good Ava! I hope it works out good for you this time." I smiled as he said those words to me. It seemed like he cared unlike anyone else I was telling about what happened.
"Yo what the fuck are you doing?? I told you don't touch my stuff n-" and the live was over.

Now normally I wouldn't have minded but I heard a certain word and then the live ended so I was curious on wtf had happened. During the past few days we ended up becoming mutual friends so I texted him. This is were it all actually started...

Hey you all good? That live ended randomly.

Oh hey. Yeah it's all good I just said something that might get me banned and I just got unbanned so ahh.

Ahhh it's all good I was just wondering.

Me being the stupid idiot I was I kept looking at my phone for him to text back. I didn't know why but I liked him texting me. There really was something about him. Maybe how he acted reminded me on an ex? Maybe it was just him caring it seemed.

I kept going on with my day at work and the night ended. I sighed as I looked at my phone. Still no text but oh well.
I drove home. Changed my clothes and went to listening to one of those random playlists on YouTube and opened Wattpad. Draco malfoy was the best thing I had to read at the time.
~~~

Look I'm I said I'd stop texting you and that I'd give you time but this shit is killing me! I told you I didn't want to lose you and that's all that going on right now! Just please talk to me..
delivered

Now a normal person wouldn't do all of this but I'm me and after watching three seasons of bojack that just so happened to be this dumbasses favorite show and a wake up call for the bpd that might be in my brain. It made sense.. it made sense to try and get him to talk to me. And it definitely made sense because he said he wouldn't do this or drop me but that's exactly what was going on. It hurt.. it hurt a lot.
~~~
Here take my number. I'm never look at my tiktok messages cuz everything is silenced. 057xxxxxxx.

I clicked the number and pasted it to my contacts. What's it gonna hurt if I just keep him number it's not like we'll talk a-

Hey it's Ava from tiktok.

Welp there's no going back now I guess.

Omg hi I'm just waking up.
When I looked at the text I was confused it was a Wednesday and it was already 6pm how's he just waking up?

Why just now it's 6pm? I've always been at work for a little bit?

~
Two weeks. Two weeks and I messed up again. Honestly I don't understand how I told the drunk words he said get to me and I ruined it all once again.

Good morning
Delivered

December 20th
Good morning
Delivered

December 22th
I hope your Christmas week is going good!
Delivered

Because of what seemed to be the words I said my messages weren't looked at. The two month long streak disappeared and slowly it felt like he was gone again when I just got him back.