david hansel miller was an average british i mean texan man, until one fateful Tuesday afternoon .
daves alram clokc rang, causing him to jump up 8 feet in the air and hit his head on the ceiling . " YYYEEOOOWWCCHHHH " dace yelped, head stuck in the ceilign of the loveb bsus. he grabbed his trusty sledgehammer he saved for moments just like these and beat the everloving shit out of his garfield themed alram clock. "awroight, looks like its anotha chewsday afternoon, innit?" he talked to himswlf like a loser /j before being interrupted by his brothaer tapping him on the shouldsr. "WOT THE FOCK DYOU WONT VINCUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@" dave screnamed at the top of his lguns. vincent took out his dave-proof earplugs, knowing that dave was going to attempt to burst his eardrums once again today, and sighed before turning around to cook radioactive fish and chip salad for breakfast. Dav e looked around precisely three times before remembering that its chewsday. he remembers he has work at the godawful pizza place, so he grabbed his 24 karat gold machine gun ( just incase ) and slid on his elmo crocs and waltzed out of the beat up bus door. on his way to work, he spotted exactly 1472 people ( he counted ) gathered around one person. he couldn't see who it was due to the sheer amount of bald men crowding them, but he felt strangely drawn to it. crusiotiy got the best of him, so he adjusted his greasy neon yellow hair and made his way through tje crowd. he couldn't believe what stood infront of him. there was a slightly balding man wearing a cap and holding mountains of cash. he recognized the mysterious man, remembering his Homosexual son micheal telling him about him back in '83. suddenly, he snapped out of hsi flashbacks when he saw the man walkign over towards him in slow motion. "According to youtube statistics only 87% of people are subscribed." he said, still walking toward him in slow motion. Dave couldnt helieve his eyes. he was so ... H-H-H-H-HOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Hi. i-i-i-im mr beast.." he muttered, twiddling witj his fingies nervousl. dave turned red then purple then blue then neon green and froze in fear and shock, then sped off to the pizza place at the speed of light. while he was running at 72mph, he ran into his manager, phil. fortunately, phil was wearing a knockback 3 thorns 1 enchanted netherite chestplate, so dave got launched around 11 feet in the air and landed face first on the dirt. "mr miller excuse my language but what the FUCK" phil shouted, pulling a comically oversized digital clock out of his pocket and pointing to the current time. dave had somehow been staring at mr beast for 4 and a half hours, so he was extremely late to work. "Lol get pranked" dave slapped his knee laughign, expecting phil to chuckle or snort or hoot or even holler. unlike his prediction, phil did not look happy. dave's grin faded into a terrified look, preparing for what was about to happen for the 3rd time in a row. phil took a machete out of his pocket and sliced open a comically oversized grande matcha latte from starbucks vertically. waves of comically oversized grande matcha latte approached dave quickly, unlike mr beats. luckily, dave wore his comically-oversized-grande-matcha-latte-proof vest today, so he was unharmed. "aw shucks, you got me," phil admitted defeat, walking away sadly. dave waltzed into his workplace, traumatizng approximately 7 people just with the greasiness of his hair. "'howdy fellow coworkers!" dave tipped his cowboy hat to his coworkers, jeremy fitzgerlad and joan madurga. jeremy skedaddled faster than anyone has ever skedoodled before and joan floated away with a comedic sound effect. dave decided to ignore whatever the fuck just happened and confinue on with his day. he tried to work on the animatronisfc to distract hismlef, but no matterbwhat, he couslnt stop thinkign abotu mr beast... maybe homosecuality rreally IS genetic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he glanced around 8 times before thinking of a brilliant idea. he grabbed his old crusty cracked musty destroyed annihilated phone and dialed a certain number. "hello????" the person on the other line said, fsint explosions coild be heard in the backgroudn. "im a little bit busy right now, im truing to rob ronald mcdonalds toe farm supply. call back later!!!!z" dave had bareky any time to respond before they hung up. "atleast she wasn't truing to steal cheese from a bald mans cheesecake house in kennyland" dav ghought to himself. he thougth anout who else he could call. strokign his 3 chin hairs, he had another rare brilliant idea. he dialed up another nunber, waiting for the prson on the otjebr side to pick ip. "hey dhar mann fam"
part toe soon !!!!!!!!!!!!
