Since You've Been Gone. (boyxboy)

Chapter 14: That one sentence

"It changes everything."

☆

"Ow! What are you doing? I thought you were supposed to be making it better?" Jasper winces under the not so caring hands of Thomas.

"Just keep still. I need to make sure all the glass is out." He says as his head leans in close to Jasper's wounded hand, as they were sitting opposite each other at the small kitchen table.

Jasper snorts a laugh at the way Thomas was getting in close. "Do you need glasses or something?"

Thomas looks up at Jasper, raising an eyebrow. "I'm meant to wear them, but I don't like them."

"Wear them next time." Jasper says with an eye roll.

"Why? Do you think I'll look sexy in them?" Thomas grins.

"So you can fucking see what you're doing." Jasper laughs.

"Just stay still." He huffs. "I still need to check for glass."

"It was just a bit, I've pulled it out already." Jasper complains, with Thomas finally conceeding when he realises that Jasper is probably right.

"Ok, just keep it still while I clean it." Thomas lays the hand face up on the table, ready to be dressed.

"Just whack a plaster on it." Jasper says with irritation. "I don't need a massive bandage. Actually, just give me the box..." He reaches across the table, to pull at the green container.

Thomas holds out his hand and grabs at Jasper's wrist. "Let me do it." He insists. Jasper looks at the long fingers of Thomas, wrapped around his wrist, before his eyes slowly gravitate towards Thomas' face. The guy's eyes looked pleading. As if he were on the cusp of begging. "Please, just... Let me make it better."

The look in his eyes was so pained, that even Jasper who was oblivious to most things could see that this was more than just about a stupid cut. "Tom, what's really going on? Because you say you want to take care of me. You say you want to make things better..."

"I love you."

"What?"

"You heard me." Thomas swallows hard. The words etched into his mind, ever present on his tongue, always in danger of spilling out, had now finally been spoken once again after all these years. "I love you...I'm still in love with you."

Jasper instantly retracts his hand. "You can't. You can't love me. Not now. Not ever."

"I know Jas. I know. I have no control over how I feel, but I know I mustn't act upon it." Thomas stands up from the chair, turning his back to Jasper. "I shouldn't have said anything." He hears the chair behind him scrape on the stone floor. He expects a torrent of words to spill from Jasper's mouth, about how ill timed the truth was, how he had missed his chance, how it was just too late. But instead he hears the slam of the old door behind him. Thomas turns to see the space where Jasper had just been. The atmosphere goes eerily quiet before Thomas is distracted by the faint sound of a thump, coming from outside.

He hurries to the door, pulling hard at the handle to get it open. The door swings back to reveal the source of the noise. "Jas..." Thomas fast approaches Jasper, who is relentlessly kicking the front tyre of his uncle's four by four. "Jas, what are you doing? You're gonna break your foot!"

"Don't tell me this now. FUCK!" Jasper speeds up the kicks until he seems to run out of steam. He reaches out and places a hand on the car to lean on to catch his breath. He turns his head to look at Thomas.

"I didn't mean for it to come out. And it doesn't change anything. "

"It changes everything." Jasper interrupts. "I could just about take it. The suggestion, your fucking riddles, The idea that you cared. I could tell myself I would be reading too much into it if I thought too hard, but you had to fucking spell it out didn't you. You had to tell me you love me. You had years to tell me and you tell me now when I'm..." Jasper drops his head in defeat.

Thomas dares to take a step forward. He cautiously takes a hand to Jasper's sleeve. "Jasper, like I said. It doesn't change anything. You are still getting married. All of that is still happening."

"But I love you too Tom." Jasper lifts his head up to look Thomas in the face. "I hate you because I love you."

Thomas emits a small chuckle. "No, Jas, you love Beth."

"But not in the way that I love you. "Don't you get it? It's always been you." Is all Jasper says.

Thomas pulls away. "I don't understand. Can't you just hate me? You should hate me for saying it, now of all moments."

"Because I needed to hear it." He takes his uninjured hand to Thomas' face, allowing himself the moment to enjoy Thomas' coarse stubble under his palm. "It's like a toxic closure."

Thomas closes his eyes, enjoying the touch. Knowing that it was all he would ever get, but reluctantly accepting it as his punishment for staying away too long. "Another place, another time right?" Thomas says, opening his eyes, not realising how close Jasper had become, now only a fraction away, the proximity too close for it to be just as friends. "Jas?..." he begins.

"Just one last time...please." Jasper begs as his hand which was on Thomas' cheek, moves around to the back of his neck, pulling him in closer.

"Jas, you're not thinking rationally..." Thomas utters, voice deep, as he hones in on Jasper's lips, so close. He knew he wasn't really fighting it. Whatever this was, on some level, he wanted it too...