mad at myself (rhink)

we could happen

I'm in Links driveway and it feels like I'm standing on a high dive looking at the water miles below. The whole world is swaying. I could just jump off and trust that the water was deep enough not to kill me, or climb down the ladder back to my normal life. Last chance.

I just sit in my car and think. Should I knock? Should I go away? I decide and open my car door.

My legs are shaking, but I walk straight to Links front door. I sigh.

Should I do it? Yes, I should and with that in mind I knock on Links door.

"I'm coming."

Hearing Links voice makes me want to smash my head into a wall, cry in a corner and hug Link forever at the same time.

I hear Links footsteps at the other side of the door and the door opens. Link is standing there. Unshaved, in his pajamas, dirty glasses and a shocked expression on his face. He closes the door as soon as he realizes what's happening. I'm just standing there, unable to move.

"Link?" I whisper. "Link" harder this time, "Link, open the door!" I can hear sobbing at the other side of the white wooden door. "Link, are you okay? Please let me in!"

"What do you want?" Links shaking voice just breaks my heart.

"I want to talk to you", I answer.

"Why?"

"Because I miss you. I saw your video on YouTube and I want to talk to you. Please let me in, I need to see your face again. I need to know if you're okay."

"Well you really need to listen to me, because I'm telling you the truth. I mean this I'm okay. Trust me." Link says angrily, but then he says in a softer tone: "I'm not okay, Rhett. I need you."

"Please open the door, Link. I'll be there for you. I am with you. I will carry you through it all. I won't leave you. I will catch you when you feel like letting go, because I need you too, Link."

The door opens and a strong smell hits me, alcohol.

Link looks sadder than I've ever seen him. Puffy, red eyes, unshaved chin, messy hair, tears on his face.

"Come in." are the only I get from him before he walks to the living room.

I follow him inside. The alcohol smell is stronger inside. I close the door behind me and give a look around the hallway. The always nice and clean floor looks horrible just like the rest of the house. Alcohol bottles, hair, even vomit.

"Sorry about the mess." Link looks at me with big, sad eyes.

I notice there's no food or plates anywhere. Normally messy houses got that stuff everywhere.

"It's okay. Let's just talk." I say with tears in my eyes.

We talked for more than 3 hours and Link is not okay. That's why he's in the passenger seat in my car. Apparently Link barely eat, got drunk every single day left Christy and tried to commit suicide since I left him.

I try to focus on the road, but my eyes keep peeking to Link. He had fallen asleep a few minutes ago. His eyes are closed and it kind of looks like (and smells like) he is dead. But he's not. Link is here with me, save and sound.

Age 60

"Dance with me." Link looks at me with his beautiful eyes.

"But there's no music."

Link walks to the laptop and searches for a song on YouTube. When he turns around I recognizable the music immediately. We Could Happen by AJ Rafael.

We sing along to the song while we dance around the room.

We've known each other for 50 years, have been in love for 47 and have been married for 21. I'm so happy to be together with the love of my life that I don't care about the past. Our ex-wives, our career, and the problems we had at the start. I don't care. I just want to sing along with my best friend, husband and soulmate: Link.

"I've been thinking 'bout you lately, maybe you could save me from this crazy world we live in. I know we could happen 'cause you know that I've been feeling you. I know you want me to."