Ben and Harry

Part 21: The person I am

(Harry's POV)

Despite getting out of the hospital two weeks ago I still can't properly walk unaided, obviously Ben is doing everything he can to help but I hate relying on him like a baby. I take another step forward barely managing to stay on my feet "Harry you're not stable, maybe we should take a break?" He suggests, "No, no breaks, I need to learn to walk again and sitting about won't achieve that" I tell him. I can feel myself getting annoyed at him, I've lashed out at Ben almost daily since I got out the hospital. It's like I sometimes lose control of my emotions just for a few seconds and it's just the worst feeling in the world, all he's trying to do is make sure I'm okay and I make it horrible for him. I'm not sure I'll make it to the other end without fa- and great, I fell, I immediately feel Ben putting his arms around mine "GET OFF ME!" I shout, only realising afterwards how loud I am. Fuck, and now the guilt has overtaken me, "Ben I- I'm sorry" I say barely able to look at him he gives me a broken half smile "I know, don't worry" he returns.

I manage to climb onto my chair and Ben stands in front of me "I'm so sorry this has happened" he says, but it's not what I want to hear, I don't want him feeling bad, and I can't process how to properly put it into words "Let's go to bed" I suggest, fully not caring that it's 1PM, 'bed' has at this point simply become code for 'I-would-very-much-like-to-hold-you-and-pretend-this-shit-isn't-happening' Ben clocks on immediately, "Do you want to walk or for me to push you?" He asks, and the fact he's so attentive and thinks to offer me the choice is apparently too much for me to deal with, my head droops, I try to hide the tears rushing forward "Heyy no need for that, let's just get to bed" and we do, he rushes me to my room and I get in, I look at him and hold my arms out and he laughs "What?" I ask, "Just, it's strange, as fucked up as everything is, this specific part of our life? I wouldn't change it for anything" I don't know how I feel about that, 'our life' he's described this situation as part of 'our life' and I feel the same of course, but I don't know how to express it, I can't articulate my thoughts, speaking was never really a strength of mine, but now? This is way worse "Here" is all I manage to say, and he climbs into bed with me. I immediately wrap Ben in my arms and hold him tight "Hey" Ben says, turning to face me "Don't say sorry" I tell him "Wasn't going to" and I frown, "Oh?" "Yeah, I was gonna say thanks, I never actually in this whole time thanked you for protecting me" I smile at this and pull him into my chest "You're my boyfriend, it's my job to protect you, you don't need to thank me" "If it's a boyfriend's job to protect their partner then I should protect you too" He retorts, "You do, you just don't realise it" at that he looks at me questioningly but decides not to comment.

--

(Ben's POV)

I love Harry Greene more than I have ever loved anyone, he's done more for me in the past year than anyone has or ever would. I think being in love means acceptance, and the past few weeks have shown me the difference between loving, and being in love, he wouldn't say it but I know Harry is scared of what I think about him not being able to walk, the doctors said it's common with coma patients and even two weeks has made such a difference, I don't think he sees it though, and that's what kills me inside.

--

(Harry's POV)

It's Ben's first day back at Sixth Form and I fucking hate it, but I also feel guilty for hating it because I know that's where he needs to be, at least I know he's not enjoying it.

Berry: I miss you ☹️

H: Don't start I can literally still see you from the back of the car..

Berry: yeah but I can't see you

H: So what, the second you can't see me you go to pieces?

Berry: Oh wow, kinda pathetic when you put it like that

H: Not really

Berry: Why's that?

H: Because that's exactly how I feel 😭

Berry: I don't wanna be at school 😭

H: It's important though, you need to make sure you can get to a great Uni!

Berry: Wait, is that why you forced me to come in today?!

H: Well yeah, I want my boyfriend to be able to go to a decent University like he's always dreamed, shoot me?

Berry: You beautiful idiot smh 🤦‍♂️

H: WHAT?! You always used to talk about moving away to a fancy uni when school was over?

Berry: Yeah?! When I was living with my ASSHOLE parents?! Now I live with my favourite person in the world and his super cool parents?! I don't care what uni I go to, as long as we can go together?!

H: Ben, I don't think I can take the exams this year

Berry: What do you mean?

H: We'll talk about it later you should get to class.

Berry: No Harry talk to me please???

Berry: Harry?

--

(Ben's POV)

Shit, I stressed him out, Harry's developed this strange thing since the incident, whenever he starts to stress it gives him an intense headache, the only thing which seems to help is me holding him against my chest and singing him a song, I hate singing, my voice is awful but apparently he loves it, of course he does, he's Harry, he seemingly loves everything about me, to be fair I'm pretty much in love with every part of him too. I want to go home now but he'll stress even more, I'll go at break, try to do something at least.