Copper Ridge [h.s]

spirits of the dead

The night, tho' clear, shall frown -

And the stars shall look not down

From their high thrones in the heaven,

With light like Hope to mortals given -

But their red orbs, without beam,

To thy weariness shall seem

As a burning and a fever

Which would cling to thee for ever.

Spirits of the dead - Edgar Allan Poe

***

Day 2

"You're telling me that something was outside of the tent last night?"

"Yes. I thought it was the wind causing a branch to hit against it at first, but it wasn't."

"How can you be so sure about that?"

"Because Adam. A branch doesn't circle the tent only to stop and leave," I say as a matter of fact.

Waking up this morning I did not feel rested at all. Last night's events where still clear in my mind. I might have gotten a few hours of sleep, I cannot really remember, but it was definitely not enough. The first thing I did when Adam woke up was to tell him what had happen. I explained how something, or someone, had been outside of our tent yesterday, dragging something along the outer walls of it. He did not believe me though, he thought I was just still a bit spooked over the forest yesterday and imagined things, but I know what I heard. I might have been scared and all that, but I am not delusional.

"Maybe it was just a curious animal or something. Now come on we should get up and eat some breakfast," he said, giving me a quick kiss on my lips before leaving the tent.

Did he not hear what I just told him?

Being disregarded by Adam is not something new for me. I always try to not let it get to me; I know I am better than that. My mom always told me to not let someone treat me less than I deserve. It is an advice I have always tried to live by, but it is hard. Falling in love can make you blinded, make you ignore behavior that you normally would not accept. At least that is something I have done. I only noticed it lately, during the time me and Adam has had the rough part of our relationship. I do not like that this is who I have let myself become.

No man is worth questioning myself over.

It is those thoughts I had back then that still haunts me to this day. I cannot help but blame myself. During our trip I slowly came to the realization that Adam was not a good person. I would have noticed it sooner if I had stopped worrying so much about helping him and started to worry more about myself. Maybe I am not a good person either. I dream about him sometimes; they are never good dreams. In my dreams, he blames me, tells me what happened is my fault, tells me that I probably wished for that to happen to him. I am not sure I will ever stop feeling guilt about what happened. Maybe if I had tried to reason with him instead of pushing him away in anger he would still be here.

We eventually packed up our tent and left Whatcom Camp around 10. Adam and I had not spoken much I was still a bit upset with him; I wish he would just listen to me for once.

The day was relatively clear, only a few darker clouds were lingering in the sky. The hike to Tapto Lakes was a bit difficult. It did not have any designated trails or signage. The way we went on was steep and full of obstacles such as rocks and roots. We carefully made our way upwards, making sure to watch where we put out feet since an injury this far out would be catastrophic. Eventually we were met with the views of Whatcom Peak and the Challenger Glacier. I made sure to take as many pictures as I could, trying to preserve the moment for when we get back home.