Cowboy Like Me - Jaylor Lavender Marriage One Shots

darling, the rest of my body, it's yours then

a/n: i'm in my comeback era (maybe)! i've been chasing this idea around for a month or so and i finally managed to finish it, thanks to the wonderful riakipps13. it's admittedly kind of an insane concept, but i hope you'll trust me and stick it out. title is from "the place where he inserted the blade" by black country, new road.

tw: dubious consent, referenced sexual assault

"I mean..." you kind of can't believe the words that are about to come out of your mouth. "We could always, y'know...actually have sex."

Not even Joe's British reservedness can salve the wave of surprise that washes over him. "What?"

You blush, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. "Okay it's probably a stupid idea. But you're going to have to see my cooch at some point anyway when I push the baby out. We've made out before, so it's not like...out of the realm of possibility."

Joe is quiet.

"But obviously if you're not comfortable we don't have to think about it. Sorry, I don't know why I brought it up." Sometimes you are incredibly close, but the distance between you right now blares loudly at you like a fog horn. You start mentally berating yourself until he finally says something.

"I'm not...one hundred percent against it," he starts, "I don't mind talking about it as long as you think you would be comfortable. And you don't think it would change our relationship."

"Oh, I'd be fine, I've fucked guys worse than you. And, no offense, but I don't think there's any risk of either of us catching feelings."

He chuckles. "None taken. And hey, if we do we're already married, which is bloody convenient. "

You don't know where the fierce desire to do this came from. Maybe it's because it'll be the one natural thing about your child's upbringing. Maybe it's because the thought of their life and your privacy being under someone else's control freaks you out. But the fact that you'd even consider doing this with Joe–and the fact that you had the balls to ask him–cements the fact that he is the one. At least in this twisted, fucked up way. There's no one else you'd rather start a family with. There's no one else who gets you like this.

So, a couple weeks and several conversations later, you give it a go. It's not...not nice. You're tipsy, so everything feels slow and warm and a little shiny. You're just in a sports bra and sweat shorts, because it felt pointless to suffer through the uncomfortability of lingerie for someone who wouldn't even appreciate it. The feeling of his lips on yours isn't entirely foreign, which is nice. It's not like you've never wondered what sex with Joe might be like, but in all the weird intrusive thoughts you've had, it never happened this...mechanically. It's scheduled into your calendar as a meeting on a day dictated to you by your ovulation app.

And yet, because you're human, it feels really human, too. Giggles and clumsy fingers and, "it makes me feel better that you're nervous, too." It's been over a decade since you've been with a man so it may as well be your first time, and it certainly feels like it with the awkward shuffling and finding positions, but yes, you're a little turned on (and thank god for that, because even with all the lube in the world this would be a bit of a nightmare otherwise). It's interesting to see how much of sex is attraction and how much is just action and reaction.

Your shorts come off pretty quickly and Joe's stripped down to his boxers, but you're both okay with fooling around a little before those come off too. He wanted it to be fun for you, he said earlier. "I don't want to just shove my dick into you like you're a baby-making machine. I dunno, it just feels rude, even if that's the goal of this." Maybe chivalry isn't dead after all. So yeah, it's definitely one of the weirder things you've done, but it's also nice, in a safe, mundane way. There aren't any butterflies or shaking hands or red-hot passion, but it's comfortable.