It hurts [Ziall]

11

Zayn

I was finishing up the last of my homework when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and immediately picked up.

"Niall?" I asked quickly. Is something wrong? Does he want to cut? Did he cut? Did Chance hurt him?

I heard a strangled sob come through the phone.

"Niall, babe what's the matter?" I asked.

"Help." He whispered. I gasped. He sounded so... broken. "I just want to die."

"Oh my god." I muttered, jumping up and grabbing my car keys off the counter. Is he going to try and kill himself? Did he already swallow pills or cut himself to the point of death?

"Niall listen to my voice okay?!" I said loudly through the phone. There were tears running down my face as I ran out to my car. "I'm coming over."

I heard him sob again through the phone and my heart clenched at the thought of him being even a bit upset, much less wanting to die.

"Listen to me okay?" I said, pulling out of my driveway.

"Okay." He answered quietly.

"Did you take anything?" I asked worriedly.

"No." He said. Oh thank god.

"Okay good. I'm on my way babe." I said. "Did you hurt yourself?"

"I-" he sobbed again.

"Shh" I said through the phone, wishing I could be there to comfort him. "Babe it's alright. Did you hurt yourself?"

"Yeah." He sobbed. "There's- there's a lot of blood Zayn."

Oh god. I sped up, driving probably 10 mph above the speed limit until I got to his house.

"Ok Niall, babe I'm here." I said. "Where are you?"

"Bathroom." He choked out. I quickly hung up the phone and ran as fast as I could upstairs and too his bathroom.

I threw open the door and gasped at the sight. Niall was curled up in the corner, shirtless and bleeding from his wrists and hips. I quickly ran over to him and wrapped my arms around his thin body, pulling him into my lap and stroking his hair.

"You're fine Nialler." I whispered to him, as he threw his bloody arms around my neck and cried into my shoulder. "You're going to be just fine."

"This wasn't supposed to happen." He sobbed.

"I know babe." I whispered.

"No you don't know Zayn." He cried. "I wasn't supposed to be depressed it was just an act."

What was he talking about?

"What do you mean Niall?" I asked.

"I wanted your attention." He whispered and he began to shake as he started to cry again. I hugged him closer and planted a light kiss in his hair. "You're always so caring and I've had this crush on you since like freshman year so I just started acting depressed to get your attention."

I pulled away, shocked. This was all fake? Just for my attention?

"Go on and hate me like everyone else does." He sobbed. "I deserve it. I really do. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, I can't do anything right. I wish I could just die."

That was all I had to hear before I leaned in and pressed our lips together, something I've been waiting to do since I met him. I felt butterflies in my stomach as he began to kiss back. I pulled away and hugged him again.

"Niall you have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that." I whispered to him.

"Aren't you mad at me?" He asked. I shook my head and pushed a strand of his bleached hair out of his eyes.

"This is my fault." I said. "If I had just done that sooner, you wouldn't have pretended, and it for sure wouldn't have become real."

"I'm not pretending anymore Zayn." He whispered, looking down at his wrists and the new scabs that had formed, along with all of the blood left behind. "I hate that I'm so weak to the point where I cut myself."

He started to cry again and I wrapped my arms around his shaking body.

"I love you Niall" I whispered. "And I'm never going to stop trying to help you get better."

He looked up at me, his baby blue eyes filled with tears and I pressed my lips to his again.

"Come on, we need to clean these cuts." I helped him up and helped him sit on the counter of his bathroom.

I got a warm washcloth and started to dab at the cuts he had made in his hips. He cringed as I pressed the washcloth to the cut.

"It stings." He whimpered.

"I know baby." I said. "I think you're just going to have to shower."

"Can you come in with me?" He whispered. "I don't want to be alone."

"Are you sure?" I asked. He nodded.

"I'm scared of myself." He said quietly.

"Okay I'll come in with you babe." I leaned in and kissed his lips before undressing myself, then helping him undress as well. I caught him staring at my unclothed body while I turned on the water.

"Why do you have the perfect dancer body and I'm just fat." He mumbled, his eyes filling with tears. I glanced at him, noticing that he was pretty much skin and bones.

I took his hand and pulled him into the shower behind me, the water starting to stain red from the blood on his wrists and legs. I got some body wash on my hands and started to rub it on his hips.

"You're so skinny babe." I whispered, planting a kiss on his neck as I moved to wash off his wrists.

"No I'm not." He mumbled.

"Niall you're skin and bones." I said. "It's not healthy with how much exercise you get dancing."

He hung his head as I turned off the shower and got him a towel. The two of us got dressed and got into his bed, me wrapping my arms around his thin waist and kissing the top of his head.

"Zayn?" He whispered.

"Mhmm?" I muttered into his hair.

"I love you." He said quietly.

"I love you too baby." I whispered to him. "I promise everything is going to get better."

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