nails like god | georgebur

all of the sudden, i can't breathe

"Can I use your bathroom?" George's eyebrows raise, like he's trying to look more like a puppy begging for food.

Wilbur answers immediately, "Of course."

George stands up, leaving his phone abandoned. "Thanks. I'm just going to take a bath."

"That's fine." Wilbur repeats. He doesn't want George to feel like he has to ask, but Wil would be lying if he didn't find it endearing. Wilbur likes having someone else around. He thinks it's good for him, caring about another human being like this.

George gives a smile in return for Wilbur's kindness. He says 'thank you' again under his breath, but Wilbur doesn't hear. George says thank you a lot, so much he's had to refrain from saying it as much as he feels he needs to. It's been ingrained in his head since he was a child is all.

Stepping into Wilbur's small bathroom, George finds solace in the fact the bathtub is clean. It might be because Wil hasn't used it in a while, but George can't tell based on his fluffy hair.

George turns the knob labeled with a red line. His mother loved hot baths, and she always ran George's, so he does too. He finds the right temperature before straightening his posture to look around the room.

There's lotions, face cleansers, and toothpaste littered on the sink's small counter. Based on the rest of the home, it's almost hard to believe Wilbur is so into hygiene. George thinks about his skin, which is dry and scattered with blackheads. He doesn't want to look so unhygienic, but George can't bring himself to care enough to fix it.

George turns, noticing dirty clothing on the floor near the door. He's tempted to pick some up and inspect them. He's curious about Wilbur's fashion sense, but George concludes that would be far too weird.

Going back to the bathtub, George decides the water is filled enough for him to sit inside. For a moment, he feels dirty for taking off his clothes. He's never taken a bath or shower at a stranger's house, getting naked here almost feels illegal.

George finally lowers himself into the tub, relishing in the way his skin burns at the water's steaming touch. If he lifts a hand, he swore he could see steam floating off of it - the same way a freshly brewed coffee would look.

He sits there for a few beats. He's listening to the white noise surrounding him. It might be a fan somewhere else in the house, but George hasn't paid attention enough to know for sure. George peers beside him, reading the labels of shampoo and conditioner on the bathtub's tiny shelf.

He also finds body wash, which he's quick to use. George doesn't like focusing on his figure too much when he's cleaning up. It makes him feel insecure.

George puts a moderate amount of shampoo in his hands, rubbing them together before massaging his head with it. He realizes he needs a haircut. George, when he's finished, brings his hands down. He looks at the amount of hair he's accidentally pulled away from his head. It appeared to be enough to make a tiny wig, maybe for a mouse or bird.

'That's concerning, isn't it?' George asks himself. He should Google that later.

George lays back, washing his hair. He wonders when the last time was. He doesn't want to know.

After this, George lathers his head with the conditioner. He knows to let it sit for a while, so he fidgets by biting at his nails to pass the time.

George can't help but think about his situation. A stranger's house? Who is he, the common whore? George wants to laugh. Really, he's more like a homeless person someone else has allowed inside for a few nights. But he's not homeless. He's also not the common whore, but for Wilbur, George may consider it if he thinks hard enough.

With that thought, he chuckles to himself. The brunette gets most of his entertainment within his own mind.

George is inpatient. He dips down into the water again, washing away the conditioner. He's clean. He lies there before taking a deep breath in and submerging himself in the water.

There's a strange calm under water. You can't see, you can't breathe, you can't hear. George likes it. He likes being completely removed from the world, even if for a brief moment. George thinks Heaven is at the bottom of a pool, because that's where he feels the most at peace.

George feels his head hurt, as if to remind him he's under water and cannot breathe. Whenever George does this when he takes baths, he has the urge to stay under. To stay and drown and never come back up to see the world again.

And yet, every time, George lifts his head and gasps for air.

George gets out of the bath wondering if he'll drown next time.