Falling Together

To-Sua Part 1

Maisie.

Dax climbs into the car and I wipe my eyes. I was trying really hard not to cry but as soon as I got in the Jeep I couldn't help it. I sniffle and hand him the keys.

He looks at me for a second, but clearly realizes I'm not ready to talk and starts the car and pulls away.

"Come here." He says. And holds out his hand to me over the center console. I wipe another stray tear away and stare at him. "I'm serious. Come here." He says again motioning for me to scoot closer to him. I'm too drained to argue and Dax has a way of making me feel better so I scoot closer to him and he grabs my hand entwining our fingers. I lay my head on his shoulder and continue to sniffle quietly.

I reach up with my free hand and turn the air on full blast so the cold can calm me down.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asks gently.

I shake my head no. Maybe it wasn't as obvious as I thought. 

"Maisie.."

"No. I heard him loud and clear. And so did you." I say cutting him off. I only chose Dax because I thought he would be a safe space. The last thing I want is another lecture about what people think is best for me or shoving down my throat how I should feel. Its me and my body, and my mind. Nobody knows it better than I do. Not the shrinks or the doctors or my dad, and not even Dax

"He didn't mean it Maisie.." Dax says gently.

"Yes he did Dax." I say sadly looking up to his face. "You know he did."

Dax frowns but doesn't say anything else. I just lay back against him and close my eyes.

Dax.

Maisie fell asleep almost as soon as we pulled away from the house. I wanted to tell her that Noah loved her. That he was only saying what he did because he thought it was what's best for her. But I know she already knows all those things.

It's a long drive from Lotto's house to the trench and Maisie sleeps soundlessly the whole time. Having her head on my shoulder makes me feel good inside. I know she doesn't sleep well. We text a lot through the night about how sleep eludes is both.

When I finally pull into the parking lot and put the Jeep in park I can't help but want to turn the car around and keep driving just to avoid waking her up.

I would be completely happy with staying in the car and letting her sleep wrapped around my arm and holding my hand but I know Noah and the guys won't be too far behind. Before I wake her up I kiss the top of her head gently and hope that it sends her some comfort.

"Maisie.." I call her name gently. I don't want to rock her or yell because I don't want to chance waking her up in a panic. Instead I call her name again and just run my thumb over her cheek with my other hand.

She stirs gently and stretches a bit. She looks around at her surroundings groggily before grunting and turning to bury her face back into my arm.

I chuckle and squeeze her hand as I lean into her. "Come on beautiful. It's time to wake up."

Maisie takes a deep breath, lifting both of us up a little. She pulls away from me to stretch and the instant cold I feel of her being gone makes me want to pull her back into me.

She rubs her eyes and looks out the window again. "What's this place called again?"

"To-Sua Ocean Trench." I say smiling as I look out over the grass in front of us. "It's beautiful. When we get past this grass area, there are little huts sprawled out that people like to hang out under. Then there's a trail that leads down to the trench. You'll love it."

Another deep breath. She just stares.

"Hey.." I say, getting her attention. She turns to me slowly and slumps back against the seat. "Noah is trying his best, you know. He's always been your protective big brother. It's not gonna change now." I say trying to sound like it's a positive thing.

"I know. It's just... He can't protect me. Not when the only thing wrong with me is myself." She says frustrated. "I know the only reason I'm upset is because I'm tired and I'm having a bad bout of anxiety. He doesn't understand that I can separate the anxiety of that night and the anxiety of everyday life. He doesn't even try to understand me when I do try to explain it."

"Your right. He doesn't understand." I say looking right at her and being really honest. "But I can tell you that he wants to. I stayed with him after your dad went to New York. I can tell you that all Noah had on his mind when we were waiting to hear back from him was about how he could be a better brother and help you through it."

For a second Maisie looks guilty. I don't want that, but I do want her to realize that all of this, even the crazy overbearing part, is Noah trying to understand.

"Noah always wants what's best for you. Seeing you in pain or sad.. it's hard on him. He loves you Maisie. And why wouldn't he. You're pretty amazing." I say with a smile as I reach out and brush back a loose strand of her hair. "You just need to be patient with him, and he will be patient with you."

"Was he this bad with you?"

I think about it. I remember how much pain I was in and how much I just wanted to be alone. Noah tried everything he could to be there for me but for months I pushed him away.

"He wanted to be.." I chuckle. "But I pushed Noah and Lotto away a lot. I didn't want anyone I cared about around me after.." I say stopping myself.

"Sorry.. I didn't mean to." Maisie said reaching over and wrapping her hand around mine. I just shake my head.

"It's fine. I just mean I kind of wish I had let him be there for me is all. Maybe I would be doing better than I am now."

As we stare at each other I see Noah pull into the parking lot and swing to a stop a couple spaces away from us.

"Just do me a favor ok?" I twist my hand around so I can tangle my fingers with hers. "He's gonna feel bad about earlier. Just try to look at all this from his point of view too, I know it's hard. You know I understand.. I wouldn't be asking you to do it if I didn't think it would be ok, so just try ok?"

She squeezes my hand and looks at me with a small smile nodding slowly.