All She Ever Desired

Chapter One

Rachel stood in the kitchen, staring at her reflection in the mirror of the fridge, trying to figure out what she was going to do. The day was supposed to start off on a good note and yet it had turned out just as horrible as she feared. She wanted nothing more than to go back to bed, take a nap, forget that anything bad was happening for one just morning.
But she couldn't do that, not when everything she held dear was depending on her being there.
So instead she tried to find some semblance of calm amidst all this chaos, and she made her way into the living room where Finn sat on the couch, staring straight ahead, brown eyes empty, lost. He didn't move when Rachel walked up behind him. It was then that she knew that whatever happened today he would be the last person she saw before she left for work. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and rested her head against his cheek. His skin felt cool and clammy under her touch, but otherwise he didn't react to it. She kissed him gently on the top of his head and stepped away, turning towards the stairs.
"I have to go get ready..." she said quietly, barely above a whisper.
Finn only nodded his head in response, still silent. He wasn't really one for words. If she wasn't talking about something that mattered, he never bothered to try and break the silence.
When they were younger he used to always talk so much that it was impossible to keep up with the constant chatter coming out of his mouth, especially during their schooling days.
He could see the pain she was feeling; he could tell by the look on her face that she was hurting so much, that she was suffering.
But like always, what he wanted to say somehow got mixed up with his thoughts that in the end he just sat silent.
Hoping that he would understand that she understood him without saying anything, she smiled weakly.
She loved Finn. She loved him, truly, from the bottom of her heart. But sometimes things were too much. Sometimes she wished he had more to say... Sometimes she wished he was back to the way he used to be.
Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. When she eventually opened them again, she stood up and headed towards the stairs.
As she reached the landing she glanced back at Finn. The thought that he might be like this always made her feel terrible, but right now, the idea of leaving him alone sent her over the edge of fear.
Rachel knew Finn hated the loneliness of silence, especially when he was left alone with his thoughts, but there was nothing she could do... he had to stay inside.
Silently, she turned her attention back to the stairs and climbed it slowly. Feeling tired and sore, she took care not to trip over the edge of each stair.
Stopping halfway up the stairs, Rachel spoke, "Finn, I need you to promise me something..." she looked over her shoulder, catching Finn looking at her from the couch.
"Promise me that you won't leave the house. Okay?"
No answer.
Rachel took his lack of reaction or response as an indication that he agreed and understood, so she continued slowly upward.
When she reached the top, Rachel quickly slipped into her bedroom. With a sigh, she removed her pajamas and walked straight to her closet door, searching through it for something to wear.
She found a black skirt which she slipped on, along with a white shirt and pulled on her heavy gray coat last, for the cold and rain. Once that was done she went into her ensuite bathroom.
Needing a full wake up, Rachel turned on the faucet and splashed water on her face to rinse away the sleep and fatigue. She then looked up to evaluate herself in the mirror that hung in the wall.
She saw dark heavy bangs underneath her eyes, her messy brown hair, and pale face. The usual spark and brightness in her green eyes, was gone, and in its place was something dull and hollow.
Once her evaluation was over, Rachel dried her face on a nearby hand towel that hung in rung near the window on the left side, and began to brush her teeth.
After she rinsed her mouth, she quickly brushed her hair, and pulled it back in a bun on top of her head.
Finally, after applying makeup heavily on her face, Rachel looked at her reflection once more.
For a moment, she just stood there, staring, giving herself one last chance to change her mind and walk away, but she quickly shook her head at the thought and walked out of the bathroom.
Grabbing her pair of flats from the closet, Rachel sat on the edge of her bed to put them on.
As placed the last shoe on, she slowly took out her phone from her coat pocket to check the time.
It was almost 08:15 AM.
There was only forty-five minutes left till the schedule time.
Feeling a knot forming in her stomach, Rachel shoved her phone back into her pockets, grabbed her bag and headed back downstairs.
When she went over to the fridge to grab herself some orange juice, Finn spoke up, surprising her. "Will you be home tonight?" He asked.
Rachel paused, her hand, half way to the glass container filled with orange juice, and took a step back, her head tilted slightly as she studied Finn. "Of course I will be home tonight, silly." She laughed a little bit, though it sounded fake even to her own ears. She grabbed the bottle and walked back over to the couch, grabbing two glasses from a cabinet. She filled both glasses with juice and brought them to the table across from Finn. He hadn't moved at all, hadn't changed position, nor had he spoken since she left the bedroom.
She {placed one of the glasses down in front of him and} leaned over the table, placing her other hand on his knee. She gave his leg a small squeeze, hoping to encourage some kind of reaction.
His eyes flitted briefly at her, then went straight back to the wall.
Looking at him, Rachel grabbed one of the glasses and handed it over to Finn.
He slowly turned his attention towards the glass. He stared blankly at it for a moment before reaching out and taking it.
He sipped slowly at first, seeming to enjoy the smooth drink. Eventually though, he set the glass on the table beside him without drinking any more.
Rachel watched him for several minutes, her heart breaking.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Finn looked over at Rachel and then broke eye contact as he looked out the window. "It's raining again." He mumbled quietly.
"What?" Rachel asked, surprised that she had missed that part.
Finn lifted his hand slowly and pointed out the window behind her. "The rain is coming down harder now."
Rachel followed his gaze, squinting as she tried to see what he was saying. Then she realized what he was pointing at. Sure enough, the dark clouds were rolling in fast and heavy, almost drowning out the bright blue sky.
A slight breeze blew, making the windows rattle.
Rachel turned back to Finn, smiling softly, tears starting to form in her eyes.
She moved around the table and crouched down in front of Finn, who didn't look up.
Rachel reached out and brushed away one of the stray tears from his cheek. "I need to go now." She said softly, looking right into Finn's blue eyes. He didn't respond, but he did lift his arm, wrapping it around Rachel. He pressed himself close to Rachel, hiding his face in her neck.
"You don't have to-"
"No, I do," Rachel cut him off, shaking her head.
Finn let out a sigh of defeat, closing his eyes, unable to fight any longer.
Rachel stroked his hair for a few moments, and thereafter got up and walked towards the front door.
At the doorway, Rachel stopped for a brief second and glanced back at Finn. He remained seated at the table, watching her leave the apartment.
Opening the door, Rachel was immediately greeted with cold air. She shivered and pulled her coat tighter around her body as she closed the door behind her.
For a second, she felt numb to the cold as she leaned against the door, breathing deeply.
With her eyes closed, she allowed a single tear to run down her cheek, and then quickly wiped it away. If she allowed herself to cry further, she knew the tears wouldn't stop.
After taking a deep breath, Rachel walked briskly through the pouring rain to get to her car. Once there, she unlocked it and quickly climbed inside.
As soon as she buckled her seatbelt, she turned on the heater on full blast, and then started the engine.
Turning on the wipers on high, she pulled out of her parking space, heading towards the office.
Praying that the roads weren't as flooded as they usually were on rainy days like today, Rachel drove towards the office.