Alexandra and I were in our dormitory alone. It has been a week since we'd be together with just the two of us. I have been busy working with Tom while she has plans of her own.
It feels like last year, where we'd talk in her bed for hours and fall asleep in each other's arms. I missed her, surprisingly.
Winter was in its full force now. And with the Ball in six days, everyone was excited yet spiralling around to ask each other.
My head is in Alexandra's lap. She strokes my hair with her fingers while we watch her make a feather fly in the air with her wand. I feel comfortable in this position. Just me and her in an empty dorm as our dorm mates didn't like us.
"Maybe I should go to the Winter Ball with Tom," I suggest, averting my attention to look at her face.
She raises a brow. "You want to go with Riddle?"
"Yes and you'll take Ulysses, so we can technically go together. I want to dance with you, Alexandra, for hours on end until our feet get sore."
"Me too but why him?" she asks.
I sit up straight. "That's a stupid question."
"He's not your type of lad," she says. "He doesn't deserve you, he doesn't-"
"How come?" I cut her off before she can finish her sentence.
"He's dangerous," She tries to take my hand but I slap it away, "trust me. I've known him longer."
"You don't make sense. Have you laid with him?"
Assuming it was stupid of me, as she had vocalised her distaste for him, yet she did the same with all the men she'd brought to her bedroom.
"I don't hate him because he slept with me. He's a person you shouldn't associate with. And I don't like how he's been with you. Obsessing over this curse of yours. If he is interested in you, would he not ask about more than that?"
She's right and I hate it. My mind goes back to what she said before. About my curse.
I had not explicitly told her about my curse.
"How do you know about the curse?" I wonder, looking her straight in the eye to perhaps catch a lie of some sorts.
She doesn't reply.
"How do you know about the curse?" I get off the bed. "I didn't tell you."
"You thought I would believe you when you said it was hypothetical?" she asks, raising her voice like liars do. "Francesca, don't be stupid."
"Yes, because you only care about yourself and whatever guy you're fucking!"
"That is not true," Alexandra exclaims, eyes watery.
"It's all you talk about. You don't even seem to care about me! Then I'm supposed to believe that you are looking out for me when saying you don't like Tom. I don't care about your selfish reasons, Alexandra!"
"Because I'm the selfish whore, right? The girl who gets rapes in her sleep by her boyfriend because he expects she likes it because she acts a certain way. Is that the light in which you see me?"
I didn't... I never did. She's talkative and liked to be free, but Alex could be a little too much. I hate how I hate her for this, while enjoying her company. I hate that I think of her endlessly, yet also can't keep my mind of Tom.
When I'd just arrived to Hogwarts and people were warning me about her, I didn't judge her. I have no idea why my mind is judging her.
Shaming her.
"Answer me, Francesca!" she yells through her tears. "You're breaking me."
No! I wanted to say. I wanted to hug her tightly and tell her I'd never think of her that way but anger had consumed me in such a violent way, I was imagining the sound of her neck popping if I snapped it.
My head takes control of me. I'm trying to resist but something big and monstrous is pulling my strings. My heart sinks as I nod and Alexandra lets out a sob before she's out of my sight.
Is this what heartbreak feels like?
