What Led Up To The End

After

I'm still in the bath when I hear something vibrate. I realize it's my phone. My phone was on the closed toilet. I sit up as I get the dizziness once again. The water is splashing into me as I reach for my phone. I look at my lock screen and it's just my finch app other than that nothing. I downloaded it to help me get better, It clearly didn't work.

I look at my phone to see the time. '4:14 am' I read. I've been out since 7:20.

I stand up and take off my soaked clothes then wrap myself in a towel and unplug the bath. I sit down on the toilet watching the water drain as it makes the noise that sounds like a scary monster, sucking its victims blood. God that thing used to scare me. I always thought it was going to suck me under and drown me slowly.

I wish it would do that now.

I stood up while still feeling dizzy, and walked over to the mirror. It was only a few steps but it felt like I was walking towards my discipline, being disappointed of what I saw. I stared into it hoping I was someone else or something else literally anything, but no.

All I could see was myself.

My stupid self.
My ugly self.
My fat self.
Me.

I stare into the mirror for what feels like forever. I try to say something about myself but I can't find the words. I just feel numb. I think for a long time and finally found the right word.

"Pathetic"

I say aloud