are you proud of me, mother? [a jjk ff.]

一

My mother did not want me.

When I was 3 years old, that was the first thing I noticed. Not the fact that I'd lived a life before, and that this was some manga, but the fact that my existence was wrong and my mother most likely did not want me. I didn't care that my mother's existence in itself was wrong and inhuman, or that'd my parents would disappear, or about those ugly creatures that I could see in the corner of my eye.

I only cared about that one thing. I am wrong. My existence is wrong. My mother didn't want me.

That was all I could think of as I held my mothers hand, and let her lead me to the room my newborn brother was in.

I loved my family, but I was wrong. They'd be better off without me. I wasn't needed.

The markings on my mothers head should have been a clue. I was aware that something was wrong. Not able to accept the truth, I simply ignored the warning signs. I don't hear the words being said. 'What?' Is the singular thing which occupies my thoughts, 'Why?' Follows that thought, and this string of thoughts continue, and continue, and continue, until ending on, 'Mother.'

It repeats like an unending poem; the line continues, in such a way that it lures you in. It sings a melody that lures me in, grasping desperately at the chance to be loved; for her to be proud of me.

It is desperate. It is filled with everything, yet nothing at the same time. It is all I can think about until my mother gently touches my shoulder, a smile, which despite the fact that I know it is fake lures me in, "Are you alright, Rei?" Her voice is soft, like the sound of rain. It makes me force a smile for her, "Yes, mama." She smiles, gently picking me up. "Do you want to meet your little brother?" She asks, and I can not refuse my Mother.

I nod my head, watching as she smiles, gently ruffling my head. She pushes the door open, and, despite not having read the manga in 3 years, I ignore their conversations.

People are speaking, obviously, but I do not hear them. I don't want to listen. Somebody leaves the room, and my mother grins.

"Rei," she says my name softly, and I look up, because it is an urge I will never be able to ignore, "Meet your little brother. His name is Yūji."

My brother is cute, that is the first thing I notice. He has tufts of strawberry-blonde hair, and my father smiles while holding him. "Hi," I say, "I'm your big sister."

Yūji beams at me, and I find I cannot hate him for being loved more. He is so loveable, and I can't blame him for being wanted. My eyes water, as my father puts my brother back into his crib.

He looks at me, "What's wrong, Rei?" I stare at my father, sniffling, "No," I shake my head, "Not wrong. Yūji is cute." My father smiles, and takes me from my mother. He kisses her cheek, "You should rest, dear. It's been a long day for you." He turns around, and can't see the smirk on her face; it is cruel, and evil.

He never sees them.

I always do.

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Hi~! It's the author here.

I'd just like to preface something; the oc is slightly inspired by my own mommy issues, lol

On a serious note, though, this story will contain gore, su¡c¡dal thoughts, mental breakdowns, and the majority of the content warnings for JJK. I'm not the best author, and I do know alot of people don't like 1st person, but it's really all I know how to write in~.

Uhm, my writing schedule will not be consistent, sorry. School is really stressful.

Still, I hope you enjoyed! Please give me criticism!