These Violent Delights

Chapter 26: Smoke, Earth, & Rust

WARNINGS: Vomit & angst.

—

You were paralyzed.

You watched helplessly as Kylo hurried down the last stretch of the seafront overlook, taking two stairs at a time and disappearing down onto the shore. When you could no longer see him, reality struck you to your core. This was happening whether you were ready or not. The Knights of Ren were about to murder the Kanjiklub, and the Resistance was here—your family was here.

Organa had let you down, but what if your team didn't forget about you? You knew they weren't here to rescue you, but what if they had the chance? They'd take you, wouldn't they? They had to. They have to take me, you thought, dizzy as your head pounded, stumbling side to side. You groaned. You felt weird, hot yet cold, as your stomach churned. You tried to swallow the bile rising in your throat, but then you realized—it wasn't bile.

You were going to be sick.

You bolted away from the Stormtroopers, attempting to make it to the nearest trash can, but they mistook your abrupt departure as an endeavor to escape. They forcibly grabbed both of your arms and pinned you between them. While you didn't want their hands on you, ultimately, it wasn't such a bad thing that they stopped you, seeing as how you proceeded to throw up all over them.

They jumped back, disgusted noises coming from their helmets as you scrambled away from them. You lurched forward and found the nearest bush to empty the rest of your stomach in peace, heaving more times than you could count. When nothing else came up, you wiped your mouth, deciding you couldn't eat another muja muffin for a long, long time.

With a moan, you slowly stood up straight. Behind you, the Stormtroopers shuffled their boots reminding you of their presence, and all of a sudden, it dawned on you—you knew you couldn't escape Cantonica, but you could at least go searching for the Resistance. If the X-wings were already here, ground support must be close. You just had to get through downtown first.

Turning toward the Stormtroopers, you slapped on a face of humility. "Excuse me, gentlemen, but I really don't feel well. I think I'm going to be sick again, and I don't want to vomit all over you," you mused, gesturing toward the Stormtrooper desperately trying to shake off your lunch. "Do you mind escorting me to the nearest refresher?"

All six of them exchanged glances, presumably deciding which lucky one got to take you. But you didn't have time for them to rub their collective shared brain cells together to figure it out—you had to go, and you had to go now. Teetering, you grabbed your stomach and faked a groan. They all stumbled back, and you threw in a phlegmy cough—just for good measure.

A modified voice spoke up. "Fine, follow me, Prisoner M421."

You glanced up at him and gave him a weak smile. "Thank you, sir."

"Yeah, yeah." He grabbed your arm, leading you down the steps to the courtyard. "No funny business, or I will be forced to stun you."

You limped away with him, clutching your stomach. "Me...funny business? I would never."

He grunted in response, leading you back into the plaza. You discreetly raised your chin to assess your surroundings. Save for a few stragglers running for shelter from the chaos unfolding throughout the city, it was completely empty. You heard blaster shots erupting between the Knights of Ren and the Kanjiklub sounding off in the distance, spiking adrenaline in your veins. With the knights occupied and Kylo, Hux, and the rest of the First Order on the shore, you actually had a chance to at least find your team.

"Ah," you groaned, pointing a shaky finger at the nearest shop, Bubba's Butcher House. "They have a refresher. I will be right back."

You tried to move away from him, but he held on tighter, jerking you toward him. "Five minutes, Resistance scum, or I will come in there looking for you."

You gave him a solemn nod. "I am a speedy barfer, sir."

With one last squeeze, he let you go. You hobbled inside and looked around at the empty shop. Everyone had fled, except for Bubba the Butcher crouching behind the counter. You loudly asked to use the restroom, making sure your Stormtrooper friend could hear you from outside, and Bubba, the poor bastard, pointed a trembling finger to the back.

You continued your bogus groaning as you ambled down the corridor, but the second you entered the refresher, you straightened and ran to the sink. You splashed water on your face, then washed your hands and rinsed out your mouth. Then you circled around to scan the room, your eyes locking on the window near the top of the wall opposite the entrance.

You went for it. It was narrow and oblong, but if you could fit, it would spit you out on the side of the building between shops. You stacked a few cargo boxes underneath it, quietly removed the screen, and pulled yourself up through the window. It wasn't all that graceful, and you definitely had to work to shimmy through it, but you could have cried when you found yourself on the ground of an empty alleyway.

You clambered to your feet and remained hunched down, trying to orient yourself. Air support still whined overhead—TIE fighters now joining the symphony of engine battle cries—and you heard blaster shots coming from multiple different areas. You had no idea where your team would be, but you followed your best instinct and sprinted to the left, the opposite direction of the shore.

You followed the alleyway, turning right, turning left, getting as far away from the First Order and Kylo as possible. It must have been ten minutes of straight cardio before you had to stop, your heart bursting through your chest. You could see the edge of the city from where you were standing, but even after all that running, you were still downtown. You leaned over, cursing to yourself.

All those fucking muffins, you mused, panting, were just to make me fat enough so I couldn't run away.

Breathing through your nose, you stood up straight and leaned against the cool stone wall. You were in a similar alley from where you started, except this part of town felt less fancy, less refined. Endless amounts of trash and empty freight containers were scattered along the dilapidated walls on either side of you. Doors lined each building, some of them open, some of them cracked. The only one that was sealed shut was a red door, which also didn't have a handle or a control panel to get inside.

You tilted your head, curious. That's strange. Just then, the door burst open, and you crouched down to hide behind a bag of trash. You peeked around it, trying to see if it was still ajar so you could slip inside, but a man was in the way, awkwardly trying to zip up his pants. You lifted your eyes to his face, and every cell in your body froze. "Drox?" you blurted, getting to your feet and revealing yourself from behind the trash. "Is that you?"

Drox jumped, his hand flying to his chest. "Fuck, you scared the ever living sh—" Then, his eyes widened, and his jaw dropped as he walked forward, stumbling over some boxes. "Baby."

You went to each other. Arms wrapping around you, he squeezed you and held you, filling your heart to the brim. You laughed and clutched onto him, taking deep breaths as you dug your nose into the crook of his neck. His jacket smelled like smoke, rust, and earth—he smelled like home.

"I thought I'd never see you again," you choked out, pulling away with big, fat tears in your eyes. "I thought you were dead."

"I thought you were dead!" he yelled, and you quickly hushed him, looking both ways down the alley and pulling him behind a stack of boxes. As ships soared overhead and shots pierced the air from the shore, you held your finger up to your lips and told him to whisper. "Sorry—I thought you were dead," he repeated, much quieter now. Stunned silence passed between you, until he looked you up and down and cracked a smile. "Damn babe, fuck the First Order and all, but you look hot in that uniform."

You rolled your eyes, lightly shoving his shoulder as he whistled under his breath. You had missed this playful banter, but now was not the time for him to ogle you.

"Drox—not now," you said, swatting him away as he slithered his hands up your sides, gripping the smallest part of your waist. "Zeven and the team, are they okay? Did everyone get to safety after the evacuation?"

He nodded quickly. "Yes. Yes, we are all okay."

"Oh, thank god," you said, exhaling as though the world had just been taken off your shoulders. "Where is Zev? Is she here with you?" You gestured to the door behind him. "Is she in there?"

"No, uh..." Drox hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck as his face scrunched up in apprehension. "She isn't with us at all, actually."

You blinked. "What the kriff does that mean?"

Drox sighed. "Look, I wasn't gonna say anything, but nobody can find her." Once he saw the panic unfold on your face, he held up his hands to signal for you to hold on. "But I am positive she evacuated D'Qar, okay? We were on the same shuttle and everything, and we don't suspect foul play, since a speeder was missing the next morning, same with her bag. The General is labeling her a deserter."

Your heart raced in your chest. That didn't sound like Zev at all, but you didn't have enough time to keep asking him questions about something he knew nothing about. "Okay, okay," you said, giving him a reluctant nod. "You guys already found a new home base?"

He lifted a cocky brow. "You really think we didn't know Starkiller was set to destroy the Ileenium system? We planned ahead of time and moved to—"

"No," you murmured, your hands shooting to his mouth, stopping him from continuing. "Don't tell me. He will find out if you do."

After you lowered your hands, solemnity flashed in his eyes. "You mean, the Supreme Leader? Organa's son?"

You nodded, and his piercingly concerned gaze made you drop your eyes, stomach twisting with guilt. You and Drox had technically been in an open relationship, although you always preferred it just be the two of you. While you knew he had been with other people here and there, you had remained loyal to Drox...until you met Kylo.

"Hey, what's wrong?" came his worried whisper. He brought a hand to your face, lifting your chin to look at him. "Is he hurting you?"

You hesitated but ultimately nodded. The lump in your throat did not go down easily. "Yeah. Not so much anymore. But he has hurt me. A lot."

Drox glanced left and right. "Where is he now? Is he here?" he asked but then immediately shook his head. He grabbed your wrists and started to back away. "Doesn't matter. Fuck him. Come on, I'm taking you back with me."

You resisted his movements. "I can't, Drox," you said with a sad, soft breath. "He has Force-compelled me to stay. I can't go with you."

"Force-compelled?" he asked, and heartbreak unfolded on his face when you nodded. He looked down at his feet, taking a moment to respond. "Babe, I'm...I'm so sorry. About this, about everything. I didn't want to leave you, but we had no choice."

You bit your tongue. You wanted to tell him he had no choice, but Organa did. And she chose to sacrifice you to her monster of a son. "I know," you said, voice laced with restrained emotion. As blaster shots inched closer to your position, you glanced warily over your shoulder. "Look, you have to go. Once he has the crystal, he's going to come for me, he'll—"

Drox shook his head, putting his hands up to cut you off. "Wait, you mean the heirloom the Master Codebreaker had?"

You nodded. "Yeah."

A slow, satisfied smile crept over his face. "We already got it. Maz Kanata beat him to it right before air support arrived."

Your jaw dropped. "Maz got the crystal? How?"

"Slipped on a wetsuit and approached from the eastern shore, away from the bucketheads and Ren's ghouls. She paid the Codebreaker a fat sack of credits and told him to dock. Poor bastard had no idea Ren was waiting for him, but I'm sure he'll square up with the First Order somehow. The guy's loaded." Drox glanced down at the databand around his wrist, frowning. "Ah, I gotta go. Maz should have delivered the crystal to Chewie and Organa by now."

Your heart dropped. "Wait, Organa is here?"

"Yeah, she's—"

"Where is she?" you asked, heat crawling up your throat and stinging your cheeks. You stepped toward the red door he walked out of. "Is she in there? What is this place? Is she—"

"Whoa, babe—calm down," Drox said with a nervous chuckle, stepping in front of the door and blocking your view. Cautious eyes searched your face. "You okay? I know that look. You want to kill someone."

Your heart raced in your chest. You knew you didn't have time to give him the whole story, but you couldn't stop the bitterness from slipping through your lips. "Did Organa tell you how I got taken?"

"Uh... no?" He gave you an odd look, releasing a confused noise as he scratched his head. "She didn't have to. We all saw it—we were all there. You were captured by Ren."

"Yeah, because she set me up. She put some Force thing in my head to—" You stopped, your entire being vibrating at your realization. If she had put the Force-beacon-radar-thing in your head, she should be able to remove Kylo's Force-compulsion that was keeping you from escaping Cantonica. "You need to take me to Organa. Now."

"But, I thought you said—"

You glared at him. "Drox."

It only took half a second for Drox to nod and spin around, knowing from past experiences if you took that tone with him, he did not have much time before his balls were compromised. Grabbing your hand, he led you down the alleyway as you both walked in a crouched position, tense and alert. It only took minutes to get to the very edge of town, where the last row of shops backed up to a line of trees. Hovering behind a holobulletin board—ironically plastered with a First Order wanted sign for the crystal—Drox looked both ways before hushedly urging, "Go, go!"

Both of you sprinted across the street. Heart racing, the cement below you morphed into dirt as you slipped through the thick of the forest. No one was around—Canto Bight was a ghost town as the battle raged on—but you still felt nervous, like eyes were on you. But nobody stopped you as you ran through, allowing you to emerge on the other side of the trees and into a tight clearing.

You came to a halt when you saw your shuttle. It looked exactly the same. Your safe haven. You took a step closer to it, head spinning with deja vu as Resistance fighters ran past you, darting up the ramp to prepare for takeoff. You heard Drox say something, but you didn't absorb the words. Your eyes were locked on General Organa as she emerged from the ship to approach you.

Clasping her hands in front of her, she gave Drox a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Drox, help Chewie in the cockpit, please."

"Yes, ma'am." He looked at you, gave you a kiss on the cheek, and whispered, "I will come back for you."

You nodded at him, but your eyes didn't leave Organa, even as she moved aside to let Drox by. "It's nice to see you again, General," you said, voice as cold and hard as your expression. "Haven't seen you since you took a field trip into my head."

She had the audacity to look regretful. She said your name. "I know you're angry—"

"Angry doesn't even begin to cover it," you seethed, hot tears burning your eyes as you tried to take a step onto the ramp. Thanks to her son, you were physically unable to, and you glanced down, jabbing an aggressive finger at your feet. "But you have the opportunity to make things right, to fix this."

Leia gave you a knowing look as she took a few steps closer, stopping in front of you. "He Force-coerced you to stay."

"Yes," you said through gritted teeth, shifting in agitation. "Help. Me. Now."

She put her hands up. "I wish I could, but it's not that easy. It's—"

"You put a Force contraption in my head, General. I'm sure you can figure out how to take one out."

"That was Luke, not me. He and my son...their powers are far greater than mine," she said, lifting her chin as her jaw tightened. "I cannot remove Ben's Force-compulsion. I'm sorry."

Through the rising emotion in your throat, you could only manage a whisper. "Can't, or won't?"

She broke eye contact, and you looked at her face. Really looked at it. She appeared older than the last time you saw her. Tired, with guilt etched into the deep lines around her mouth, and something else, too: a detached hardness, a look you had seen in Kylo's face a million times. It was unsettling, it was unfiltered, but above all, it was telling.

"It's not that you can't...you won't, right?" came your small, wounded voice as tears impeded your vision. "It's true what he said, isn't it? You want me to stay with him, to bring him back to the light."

Leia's lips pressed together, turning down into a frown. "I'm so sorry it has to be this way," she murmured, following up with your name. She leaned in and grabbed your hands, giving them a squeeze. "Truly, I am."

Without another word, General Organa let you go and climbed back up the ramp into the ship. You watched the sway of her long, gray coat trail behind her until her frail form disappeared, an emptiness opening up in your chest. Next, the numbness. You welcomed it as you turned around, walking stiffly back through the trees. You didn't need to see the shuttle leaving without you. Not again.

"Babe, where are you going?" Drox yelled from behind you, his boots clanging on the metal ramp. His footsteps became frantic when you didn't respond. "Babe!"

The hand around your arm stopped you in your tracks. He spun you around, gripped your arm, and yanked you toward the shuttle. You let him pull you closer to the refuge of the Resistance, just for a moment, hungry for a taste of something you'd never get the chance to digest. But just as he stepped on the ramp, your body came to a stop involuntarily. You swallowed the pain that threatened to break down your walls of self-preservation.

"I can't," is all you said, throat aching from suppressed emotion. "I'm sorry."

Drox turned around and looked down at you with desperation. "What are you talking about? Didn't Organa fix the Force thing? Get on the shuttle!"

You shook your head. "No, she won't. So, I can't."

Outrage flashed in his eyes. "She's making you stay with him?"

You nodded, watching as a range of emotions flickered across his face. Anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, all expelling from his body in the form of an explosive exhale. "Fuck, fuck," he breathed, running his hands through his hair as he paced on the ramp. "This isn't—"

A burst of footsteps erupted behind you. Stormtrooper footsteps. The sound of them set the panic in your veins aflame, plucked you straight out of your pity party, and placed you in the present. They're here. The hair on the back of your neck raised. Which means Kylo isn't far behind.

"Drox, it's okay—we don't have time for this." Heart hammering, you reached as far as you could to grab his hands. "You need to go. If he finds you here, he will kill all of you and make me watch. Please, just go."

With a stubborn shake of his head, Drox's lips pressed into a hard line. "No. I won't leave without you. Not again."

You glanced anxiously behind you, panicking when you saw streaks of white slinking through the forest. You turned toward him and tried to push him up the ramp. "You don't have a choice. They're coming!"

Pain distorted his features. Other fighters were yelling at him from inside the shuttle, but his eyes were stuck on your face. "I failed to protect you," he said, voice thick with emotion. He cupped your face and said your name. "I'm so, so sorry, baby."

You leaned into his palm, warmth expanding in your chest at the way he looked at you with such concern and affection, and love. You swallowed the three little words you had always wanted to say, had always wanted to hear as they began climbing up your throat. But the Stormtroopers were shouting and moving in on your position, and you didn't have time. It was almost too late.

You gave him a firm shove. "Leave!"

After a moment of agony, Drox planted a kiss on your lips, holding onto you like it was the last time either of you would be alive. You closed your eyes, remembering the days you spent wrapped up in those arms, those lips, being held and touched and fucked and cared for. Then, he pulled away, and as the two of you soaked each other up for one last moment, those three little words rushed through your lips before you could stop yourself.

"I love you."

Surprise flickered across Drox's face. His fingers dug into your arms, and with a pained smile, he pivoted, running up into the shuttle to leave you. The ramp closed behind him, the ship teetering from side to side as it lifted off the ground. That emptiness began to gnaw at you again as you watched it ascend straight up and up and up until it was just a minuscule dot in the sky. You fell to your knees, refusing to look away, refusing to accept the sting of rejection coursing through you.

He didn't say it back.

As tears silently flowed down your face, chaos encircled you. Soaring TIE fighters. The clatter of armor. The parade of footsteps. The chorus of shouts. Their derogatory names for you. But you didn't listen. You didn't even react as their rough hands pulled you up. You went limp in their grasp, the words you would never hear ripping through your soul.

I love you, too.