Unforeseeable

Chapter 23

We sit in silence for a moment, the heaviness of my story hanging in the air.
"Quinn.... I..." He doesn't continue. All the time I pictured this moment in my head I was crying. Yet, now there were no tears. I felt almost like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
"It's okay, Levi." I lean forward and kiss him. He doesn't kiss me back and his lips feel cold against mine. I pull away quickly and stare at him in horror. "You don't want me anymore." I wait for him to reply for a long time. He doesn't. I stand up with sharp tears stinging my eyes. I guess I'm going to cry after all. "Is there something wrong with me now? Do you not want to play with a broken doll?" I'm shouting at him, furious and hurt. My heart has swollen up in my chest and my bones are on fire. I grab an empty glass from the coffee table and throw it. It hits the wall with enough force to smash it into a million little fragments. "Talk to me!"
"That's not it." His words are so quiet and the intensity of my screaming feels suddenly foolish. A wave of sadness sweeps over me, my anger dissolving as quickly as it rose. Once it's gone all I'm left with is sadness and exhaustion. I lean against the wall across the room and slide down it, the tears are rolling down my cheeks.
"Then what's wrong with me?" My words are so shattered.
"You only want to be with me because I remind you of him." I open my mouth but no words come out. His eyes meet with mine, and I can't break away from the despair in his gaze. "That's been it all along, why you were so weird around me. I was always him in your eyes. Never Levi. You used me so you didn't have to face the fact he was gone."
"No.... you were always different from him. I know he's gone, I've been dealing with that for months. I'm ready to move on. I want to be with you." His face is painted with a frown and I stare at him with wide desperate eyes. "Levi, please."
"I like you, Quinn. I really like you. I have since the moment I saw you."
"You didn't even know me."
"I wanted to."
"Do you still?" He nods.
"I think I'll always want to. Even after I have seen every inch of your being I will want to know you more." I stand up and walk over to him. I straddle his lap and rest my head in the crook of his neck. His hands slide around my waist and meet behind my back. We sit listening to the clock ticking on the wall. Despite that constant reminder of time passing as normal, it feels like an eternity.
•••••
My eyes flicker open and the light seeps in. I make a sad animal noise and curl into a ball, pulling a blanket over my head to block the glow. The blanket feels soft in my fingers, not like the scratchy blanket I'm used to.
Where am I?
I shoot upright, eyes flicking around the room in panic. My heartbeat slows back to normal as my memories catch up to me, I sigh and lean back into the sofa. I must have fallen asleep on Levi. I glance up at the clock, it's about nine at night. I stand up and stretch, my body shuddering as I wake myself up a little bit.
"You're up." Levi walks into the room and I rub my eyes.
"Kinda." The smell of freshly cooked food grazes my nose and my eyes shoot to the plate in Levi's hands. "Pancakes?"
"For you, sleeping beauty." I flush, and he passes me the warm plate. I practically drool looking at the food. Maple syrup, berries oh my god it was just too beautiful. He laughs, "I'll leave you two alone." I thank him quickly as he leaves the room still laughing to himself.
The pancakes are gone so fast if it wasn't for the sweetness in my mouth I wouldn't have known they were there at all. I stand and walk to the kitchen so I can put the plate in the sink, gazing out the window. The sky is dark and speckled with glowing white stars. There are no clouds, and the moon shines down on the earth with a kind smile.
If I wasn't here, I would be at work right now. I would be being grabbed by sleazy men in a dark room filled with smoke. I would be spending hours showering in burning hot water to try to erase their fingerprints from my skin. Levi saved me from that, at least for a little while.
"What are you thinking about?" I don't even jump as Levi comes up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close against his torso. I don't take my eyes from the moon.
"What my life used to be like. How you saved me from that." In the window I can see our reflection. He stares out at the moon as well, his head leaning on my shoulder. He presses his lips against my temple before whispering soft words into my ear.
"Angels don't belong in hell."
I turn around in his arms and slide my hands up to his shoulders.
"Is this heaven then?"
"Not even close to what you deserve, but we'll get there. We can find a heaven on earth."
"Heaven is wherever you are."
He kisses me, and it's so tender and soft my head spins. I am aware of everywhere he touches me, his hands gliding up my spine playing me like a harp. I walk backwards and before I realise it we fall down together onto his bed.
"I want you to touch me, but not like them." I whisper into the cool air. His hands slide over me like I'm the smoothest stone to ever skim across his body. His lips touch me like I'm the air he needs to breathe and his eyes hold none of the rage or hunger those other men had. The moon shines down on us, causing our skin to glow in the pale light. As we help each other undress I bein to truly understand what beauty feels like. I taste love on my tongue and my eyes swirl with all the colours of the ocean. The air is cool against my bare skin but his hands spread warmth through my blood where he touches me. I feel myself arching towards him and he embraces me like the rise and fall of a tide. A gentle sigh slips from my lips as he loves me like I have never been loved before.