The Divine Autobiography

Humans, Gods and Divines

The gods are back in their hell because I have brought superior firepower.
                                                    -The Man
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In the begining, humanity was offered a choice. A divine being offered heaven only for another divine deciding to drag humans to hell. Humanity thought this arrangement to be a bad deal and found a third option.It did not work out as intended. Divine beings are divine while humans are human.

A Japanese boy described the result: "What do you mean the boss is invincible?! No way am I getting in a giant robot" Mankind started off by running away from divine beings. A sensible but shortsighted decision.

On the way from going from being human to entering the human race, humanity stole from the from the divine the power of knowledge. What humans failed to fully understand was they should have grabbed everything the divine had. A job only done halfway always leads to problems. Wisdom is required to temper the power of knowledge.

Humanity had stolen knowledge and it corrupted them. Humans invented the concept of demi-gods or humans becoming gods. Humanity igonred that demi-gods in stories can some times be cruel, vengeful, lusty and any number of undesirable human traits.

In time, a few humans decided to stop simply playing at being gods. They decided to use the knowledge humanity had grabbed like a lootbox from heaven to become divine. It worked but it was tainted by human shortcomings. Thus the sky is still on fire and the selfish became gods. These new gods didn't hate humanity. They were just selfish jerks. They had the powers of a god and used it to make their existence easier. They were busy wasting away in their heaven and all was right in the world until it wasn't.

Humanity did not steal the instructions on what to do with divine power right before it ran from the divine. The instruction manual was too heavy to carry away. A human named after the condition of it's dental work tried to carry it. WeirdJaw, (the English translation,) could not lift it. The box of tools and the books of making fire and pointy sticks seemed far more practical. WeirdJaw returned later with friends but not even the might of WeirdJaw, Lazy and Crazy could move the instruction book. WeirdJaw thought about what to do and came up empty. Lazy wouldn't try because it was clearly too much work. Crazy didn't care either way. Crazy just wanted to screw Lazy. WeirdJaw thought mixing Lazy and screwing was an all around bad time. Crazy was determined to fix Lazy from being lazy. The plan involed screwing the lazy out of Lazy. Crazy always made enjoyable plans. WeirdJaw eventually thought himself to death. Crazy and Lazy did not die screwing. They settled down in a nice suburb and had a chiled named Screwed.

In time, the new gods simply became numb to all the failings of humanity. They gave in to their base desires and pleasures. Humans became damned by the low expectations of the gods. The humans were just humans and not gods, after all. Humans eventually got tired of this considering the human race started with a race from heaven. Humans decided to stop running and the new gods learned they were men with toys. The new gods became the False gods. They also became wraithful after being rejected. The False passed judgement on mankind. If humans were dumb enough to let the False become gods then they were too dumb to live without help.

It was into this world a certain Man was born. That Man decided that humanity should have no more business with divine con artists. Before the end, the False understood the meaning of the phrase 'screw around and find out,' when that Man became Divine. The Man was also very proud of being a man since that was the easiest way to make the other half of the sex was to simply exist. The Man also had a slightly sadistic mindset of life.

The Divine overthrew the false gods but He was not exactly personable. As he grew into his new power as a divine being he kept more and more to his small group of advisors. He became less than human as the new powers nearly consumed Him. Even today, humans rarely agree what exactly happened at the end. What everyone who sat down and wrote what happened all agree on a few key points. There was a blinding light and "Stop screwing around before you find out," bellowed on the wind. The Man who became Divine was gone.

We dont want to find out why he left. We don't want to tempt him to teach us why.