Don't Believe The Catholic Church, They Don't Like Rainbow Six Siege

Chapter One || The Game of Life did NOT Train Me for This !

As all days, this was no different. Waking up to the same smell of eroding garbage bags and old pizza boxes In a junk yard, wasn't exactly the idea Mr. Dudson had going for himself, But when you're In the process of exposing the Catholic Church™️ for crimes against humanity, you have to make due.

Forgiving wasn't a specialty Mr. Dudson possessed for such heinous acts of violence, especially to the severity the church committed. As he gets up from the disgusting mess he's made, that if referred to as a bed, would put the housing market into a frenzy, he feels a sudden whoosh over his head. In complete shock he turns around to view none other then a whole fucking ghost.

"HI BUCKO WELCOME TO THE SUPER SHOW", exclaims this disgusting, and previously not recognized figure.

"Oh lord i knew i shouldn't have eaten those moldy strawberries, seems i've gone into a state of psychosis-", Mr. Dudson mumbles.

"Oh don't worry pal, this is as real as anything, Like Dan Schneiders foot fetish, or the fact you smell like hot shit- when's the last time you showered?", Our new ghost pal says.

"Jeez, you, this magic hippy ghost twat, appears out of nowhere and the first thing you do is crack a joke about Dan Schneider, and make fun of me. Are you sure this isn't some horrible acid trip? I'd even except the plot of a kids cartoon over this being real.", Furiously, Mr. Dudson responds.

"Oh come on now buddy you haven't even let me introduce myself yet, I'm Chetington Paul Connerschmitt Madmax Jr. Open Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B. A. Start Halo West Smith, III, but for your sake you can just call me Chet, I doubt you'd be able to keep up", Chet says while doing the most extra spin and totally awesome backflip EVER.

"There Is no way part of you name is just the Konami code I- you know what, never mind, It doesn't matter, Listen Chet, Frankly I don't have time for these tricky or questionable practices or conduct, code name, shenanigans, so how about you back flip out of here the same way you came, I don't think i'm in the market for a Fairy anyw-" Mr. Dudson is cut off but an entire force pushing him onto the dirty ground.

"I AM NOT A FAIRY YOU TWO TIME, LOW LIFE, NASTY SMELLING, LIMA BEAN EATING, CRIPPLING SEIGE PLAYING, WHORE, IF YOU EVER INITIATE THAT AGAIN SO HELP ME GOD I WILL STEAL ALL OF YOUR VBUCKS YOU VILE, DISGUSTING, MONSTER, RAUGGHHHHHHH" , Chet screams to Mr. Dudson while pinning (😈) him down on the ground, making sure ever ounce of saliva ever produced by his silly little ghost body, goes directly into his face.

Shocked, drenched in spit, and more confused then originally Mr. Dudson replies, "You know, I never knew a whole fucking GHOST could get more triggered then Ben Shaperio at a Tumblr run convention, every day I'm more and more surprises with the things I come across" He wipes the spit off of his face and pushes Chet off of himself,

"Once again Mr Konami code, I think i'll pass on this crossover episode." Mr. Dudson gets up, takes a deep breath, and starts to walk away from the horrible bed he situated himself in for the night.

"Fine, FINE." Chet exclaims. "See i wanted to help you, ya know. But if you're not interested on getting to the Catholic Church™️ faster then I'll be on my marry (pun intended) little way." he says passive aggressively.

"You can what?" Mr. Dudson says as he turns around to meet Chets face, but he seems to not be there anymore. He looks around for a bit and nothing.

"Huh, maybe I am more gullible then i thought, to believe I'd have help with my journey was ignorant of me enough, but to believe there was a whole GHOST HERE? I need to get things sorted out." He ponders as he disappointedly walks out of the junk yard to continue back on his journey, Right where he left of the previous night.

• -🗑️- •

Whilst walking out of the junk yard, 6:24 A.M greets you with a glorious splooge of bright sunlight on your face, but Mr. Dudson was not about it today. He squints his eyes so he can continue walking forward but after awhile they fall completely closed. Counting the steps he takes, acknowledging the moves he makes, he falls into a blanked out state of mind, subconsciously hoping that when his mind returns to the front of his head, he'll be somewhere, anywhere that wasn't still walking on the side walk exit to the junk yard.

What seemed like hours of walking was interrupted by the feeling of uneven steps. The patterns, the way his feet partially sank into the floor to bounce back up, none of It felt right. As his eyes open from the previously shut estate, he's greeted by none other then...

"Heya buddy, a pleasure seeing you here Is It not?" Chet ask snakily.

"OH COME ON, FUCK ME WITH A TOASTER WHY DON'T YOU!" Mr. Dudson responds need I say annoyed."I'm not exactly sure why you're upset pal, you are the one standing in the middle of my town." Chet says confused.

"Y-your town?" Mr. Dudson Replies.

Now having a chance to look around, he's stunned, a whole town filled to the brim with houses and buildings made of, paper? In actuality how does a town like this even function?

"Chet, despite the millions of questions i possess In this very moment, I think this one is the most appropriate to ask, ehem. Does wind not canonically exists here? Because i feel like even If i breath out a little to aggressively, this entire place will be nothing but shambles In less then a millisecond." Mr. Dudson asks more sincerely, then he's ever been in his life.

"Go on pal, go try and blow down a house, see what happens!", Chet responds enthusiastically.

Mr. Dudson walks up to what seems to be a Donut shop, and simply just blows. To his surprise the building stays standing. Disappointedly, he goes to blow again, we're talking with the lunge capacity greater then whatever the Big Bad Wolf from The Three Little Piggies was messing with.

"See kid, it's pretty stable, but, you might wanna check your wallet." Chet says.

"My wallet, what the hell does my wallet have to do with this?", Mr. Dudson angrily grabs his wallet to find a note reading :

"For attempted destruction of property, you've been charged $15 AUD, thank you for cooperating with the Paperville Institution Of Crime and Money Management (PICMM)"

Walking back to Chet with an aggravated look, "WHY IN THE HELL WAS I CHARGED $15 FOR BLOWING ON A BULIDING??" exclaims Mr. Dudson.

Sighing Chet responds, "Crime management Is a little different then what you're probably used to, considering where you come from".

"Well no SHIT Mr. Konami Code, I'm from Australia, not the geographical embodiment of a Vincent Van Gogh painting", Mr. Dudson responds sarcastically.

Scoffing, Chet adds, "Whatever kid you look like you need some food, and I could go for a coffee, let's grab some food at the coffee shop you tried to blow down."

"This is the first thing you've said to me that I can agree with, food and some coffee would be nice." Mr. Dudson says, whilst walking inside the quaint little building, merrily seconds ago he tried to destroy.