To be determined (Kiara an JJ)

3. I can't stop thinking about her.

JJ
I can't stop thinking about her. I'm laying on the bed in the guest room of the chateau, it's kind of becoming my own room. No matter how much I try I can't sleep. She was right. It is unfair to just blame her, but making me think it was happening again also was. She must know how I feel. Earlier was 100% to show me she had more power in this game. Is that all it is, a game? Because I'm sure as hell not letting her win then. I keep thinking about what would have happened if she kissed me back tonight. I probably would have gone crazy.

All three of us in the house have a hangover so it's pretty quiet al morning and most of the afternoon. John B goes off to work around 4 so it's just me and Sarah for dinner. I know she is gonna want to talk about me and Kie. But it's me who starts the conversation about her.

"Did Kie talk to you about last night?"
"Depends on what you are going to say," she says smirking.
"So she did," I sigh," did she tell you about the fact that she was leading me on and then walked away?"
"Of course she did," she says smiling. She is enjoying this way to much. "And now. Is your heart broken now?"
"Oh shut up, princess. You know what happened was a mistake and I was just drunk last night," I lie. She shakes her head. Of course she doesn't believe me.
"It's okay to admit you like her," she says genuinely. I know she means well.
"Don't get your hopes up for dubble dates, you can do that with Pope and Cleo," I say. "It won't ever happen," I ad.
"Never say never," she says and I quickly change the subject.

We decided to forget it ever happened, but there is still this vibe between us. I'm talking to Kiara again, but even more flirty then before. One of us is going to break some time and it's not going to be me.

Today she is helping me move. My dad is away for the weekend and I want to be out before he gets back. It's been two weeks after the beach party and things are kind of back as they were. I'm loading up boxes filled with my stuff into the Twinkie and Kiara's car. I realise how much shit I actually have. I walk back inside to get more boxes and find Kie on my bed.
"You were such a cute kid," she says as I walk into the room.
"I see you've found my photo albums," I chuckle. I enjoy being friends again. Maybe pretending it never happend isn't the best option, but it works for now. We go trough a few albums and at some point her arm accidentally brushed up against mine. A shiver goes down my spine and the feeling in my stomach returns. I look at her and before she could notice I get up and start packing again. Just friends, remember.

About 3 hours later all my stuff is in boxes in our cars. I look at my empty room, only my desk, bed and closet left. The closet I would hide in as a kid, I get emotional thinking about it. She noticed and put her hand on my shoulder. I quickly turn around before I start crying. I know she wouldn't judge me, but I can't handle hugging her at the moment.

I throw my key on the counter and walk outside.
"See you at the chateau I say to her and quickly get in to the Twinkie.

I meet her and the rest of the Pogues at my new house. It's not like I wasn't already kind of living here before, but now it's official. Before getting the boxes in to my new room we drink a beer in the kitchen, my kitchen. Everyone is laughing and teasing each other and I feel so happy about having them as my family.

They all help me move in. Pope and John B get the boxes inside, Sarah, Kie and me take the stuff out and put it where it needs to be put and Cleo is out to pick up dinner. In about an hour every thing is done and we all sit down on and around the couch to eat.

"So everyone is staying over tonight," Sarah says more as a fact than as a question. We all nod. When it comes to sleeping arrangements I worry a little bit. Sarah and John B in their bed and Cleo and Pope on the pullout couch. That leaves me with Kie in my room and my bed. She seems not to have a problem with it. Did she really remove that memory from her mind.
The moment everyone says good night is there and I throw a worried smile at Sarah. She whispers that it's going to be okay.

"I'm going to take a quick shower," Kie says," you don't have to wait up if you're tired."

I walk into the room, my room and take a look around. I'm happy it has all of my stuff now. I change and get ready to go to bed. In addition to my sweatpants I normally wear I also throw on a T-shirt. No half naked bodies tonight. I wait in bed until I hear the shower turn off and the bathroom door open. She gets into the room wearing a pair of shorts she stole from my closet and a red top. THE red top. She must do this on purpose.

"Can you move over?", she asks me and she lifts up the blanket. I nervously close my eyes as the lays down next to me. There is this tension and I can't be the only one that's feeling it. I don't think I can do this. I lay on my back now staring at the ceiling while she turns her face towards me. I can't close my eyes again. Every time I do now I get flashbacks from that night weeks ago.

"Are you okay?", she asks. I move to the other edge of the bed, creating some space between us.
"Yeah of course I am. Good night, I say.
"Night," she answers.