Healed!

Rain to Storm

Where did it all start? Have no idea when things started to fall apart. I scream for a help but I have no voice, it's lost in all this noice. In the start it was all warm, sweet, a fresh start!. A new book, new pen was all I had then.  Choices never forced, instead never named. The feeling of not growing started there, when I was questioned for my will and wish, felt wasn't responsible enough, for who knew me being me was just enough. It was rough for I remained in a place that was for me tough. Hate the thought of calling myself weak, but no I am not for I at least realise that it is not what I want. I don't want to prove anything to this world, I don't want to tell this world I am capable of ruling it, if I am someone's or something's worth, I just want to be me!. Why is it so hard for people to understand that world doesn't revolve around others accomplishment and there is no point in proving we are capable of achieving that accomplishment, just be yourself it's enough, when you have achieved that then you are ruling this world already.

I once had raised a voice, of taking arts as my pre university choice. But was suppressed by the accomplishments of my relatives near and far. Today I am entitled as a science student. And here I remain something that is not me. Me who sees a ray of sun and behind it run believing in it there is a story hidden was forced to choose to sit in dark. It is tough to be honest I am having my lowest scores of life, the fact that it affects me proves I haven't always been scoring less, but an indicator that I am not there where I am supposed to be, no I am ain't justifying my failures or giving reasons but I see myself doing neither anything wrong. Yes I am in dark but within me always existed hope and through hope I brought light to life and today I have something accomplished something apart from science apart from grades, scores showing that I am so not in the place me I meant to be, showing I am unique in my own way for I do stand apart from the crowd I currently live in. With the tears of blood I write I regret not listening to my gut and making a choice based on my age and not trusting me to myself.

Today I am sick, there are dark clouds surrounding my smile, I sink within myself I am surrounded by a stink, now by whom I was forced are itself agreeing that what I had for myself chosen was only the best. Folks anyone of you reading this please trust yourself, you are way more than you think, chose your gut not what you are told just ask yourself if you are right you will have your answer. Nothing is worth loosing peace of mind and happiness not even people telling "this is the so called age of struggling to have a bright future" when you will have no light within you what will you see? Go against few calls, stand against those talks. I so wish I would have stood in the next line taking another form. I so badly wished it was the way, I sometimes feel let's repeat everything and this time my choice.

And that's how rain turned to storm....