Atlantis

01 - Cracks

He flipped through the pages of the file, his eyes running over the lines one last time before switching to the catalogue that laid on the table. He perused them with equal interest, nodding to himself with approval. He had just put the pictures down when he heard it.

A shrill, bubbly call.

"Papa!"

His hands stilled halfway through opening his laptop and his face split into a wide smile just as someone crashed against his legs. Pushing aside all the documents, pictures and devices that swarm him, he lifted his daughter into his lap and peered into her beaming face with loving eyes.

"Hi Princess. Did you have a good day at school?"

She bounced up and down as she nodded enthusiastically. "I got five stars for my project! Miss Penelope was proud!" She gave out a toothy grin and he laughed appreciatively.

"That's my girl!" He gathered her close and placed a loud kiss over her head, but she jumped back quickly, eager to keep talking.

"And guess what! Miss Penelope said there is parents day at school next week! She said mummas and papas will come and we will have fun the entire day! No learning!"

The smile on his face faltered at the words and then were completely wiped off when he heard the approaching footsteps. He knew it was her even before she spoke.

"Anu, there you are!"

Anu jumped and squealed. She protested a little when she was lifted off her father's lap.

"Stop whining!" Chastised her mother, though her voice tinkled with laughter as she watched her daughter grimace. "You have to get changed! You refuse to eat until you do!"

"But I was telling Papa about parents day!"

A pause followed the complain. Then,

'I'll fill him in. You go and wait for me in your room. Go!" She gave her daughter a severe look, then a kiss on both cheeks before releasing her. Anu considered for a few seconds, before pulling her tongue out at her mother and running away.

Meanwhile, he had settled back onto the sofa, his eyes fixating the pages of the file he had just kept aside, although they were unmoving. Another pause ensued, this one more prolonged before he heard,

"Akash?"

Payal's voice held a slight, nearly imperceptible tremor as if she was hesitating to address him--which he reminded himself, she probably was.

An invisible rope wrapped itself somewhere in his chest, as it did every time he was faced with the prospect of conversing with his wife. Every conversation only brought forward the side of his life that he wanted so much to ignore, to forget.

Nonetheless, he maintained a gentle, almost formal tone when he joked, "I didn't know preschools did Parents' Days."

Payal gave a nervous chuckle. "It's supposed to be a fun day for the kids. They'll be doing some performances and Anu is already going off about dancing like she did at your birthday."

He nodded, though still not looking at her. Seconds once again stretched into minutes. He waited, then finally heard her voice, tentative and--dread settled in him--hopeful.

"You'll--you'll be there, right?"

He turned the page and read, mostly to have a reason to not reply. At last, when the silence got too uncomfortable, he said, "I don't know, Payal. I have so much work to get done. The deadlines--"

Her entreat hastily broke through his stream of excuses, "it's only half a day, Akash. And Anu is really looking forward to it."

The rope tightened its hold and Akash almost hissed. A restlessness to get out of this situation arose in him, quick and urgent. It hurt him every time he had to do this. Every time he had to choose between making his daughter happy or providing himself respite from a pretence that broke him from the inside.