novaturient (bxbxb)

chapter 9 : midnight rain

Chase POV (again, kinda cause it's 3rd person but you get it.)

Things have definitely taken a turn for the better. And if Chase has to be completely honest, it would be easy to give all the merit to Matias but lately he's been learning that lying to yourself is just as bad as lying to others. And no one wants to be lied to.

So yeah. He has tried. Very hard. He's still trying every day to do better. Sometimes, during the times of day when the sun is glorious and its warmth can be not only seen, but felt, he thinks he's doing a good job. And just as positively, when shade sets in, giving the sun a break or when the moon wakes up and they switch places, he still acknowledges the fact that he's trying. Despite it being so hard. And somehow that's enough. Because it's more than he ever gave himself. And it feels like the start of something valuable.

He's spent more time with his friends these last days. And not through partying. They did what some may call "quality time". Sitting around Kayla's apartment, getting a sugar rush from eating so many sweets and binge watching shitty horror comedies.

He still hasn't told them about Matias. He's not ready. And they are suspicious of him and his newfound interest in doing things differently. Despite their attempt to hide it as much as they can and act as if everything is perfectly fine, cause that's what people do when they don't know how to help sometimes, Chase can still see it. The multitude of questions hanging by the tip of their tongue. The ones that are left unsaid because he can tell that they wouldn't really know what to ask exactly.

It's like a domino that's just waiting for the right moment. In all fairness, he doesn't mind their silence and the fact that they ignore the problem instead of addressing it. Because he also doesn't know how to tackle this. All of it. So silence is exactly what one needs sometimes. Well...that, and shitty horror comedies.

When it comes to Matias, they've enjoyed their time together. And they spent so much of it. Nowadays he's rarely alone. And something about that feels very unfamiliar, yet way more safe.

He's either with his friends, laughing and having the time of his life with their silly ventures, other times he's just with Betty, where they actually talk and get to know each other more, however weird that may sound.

Because there's been a rupture between them and it seems like even though they know each other's past and being, they have a hard time understanding the Chase and Betty of the present. Their newest faces in this world are maybe, not as acquainted as the older versions of who they were, as we all change every day, inevitably. 

And most of the time he's spent with Matias. It's a unique dynamic, Chase cannot deny that but he loves it. He loves feeling cared for through the small things Matias does for him like messaging him at lunch time and asking if he's eaten, what he's eating, even sending pictures of his own meal. 

There's a feeling and a type of attachment that Chase has never had the privilege of experiencing before, despite the fact that he still acts like a brat sometimes, refusing Matias' affection. But truthfully, he doesn't quite understand himself yet. Not even the feeling nor their exact relationship status. Matias says the whole dynamic of submission and domination doesn't have to sound serious. So he doesn't really refer to it with those terms. He says they have a relationship, just a more special one.

Chase supposes he can understand that much. And within this context, exclusivity doesn't seem as hard as he thought it would. It's surprising how it's so easy for Matias to occupy most of his thoughts, day and night.

And he's really tried. Truthfully tried more than he's ever done it. But it's only been three days. And he's a creature of habit. So today is harder than the rest. He tries to ignore that though, you can't build habit in only a few days. Rough patches will come. And they will go and come again. And maybe our attitude towards them build those habits. How we deal with those circumstances shapes our reactions to them and our resilience.