𝐔𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫

This chapter is a flashback chapter based on how Astraea Russ and Greyson Allori met. The flashbacks in this book are crucial to the messages Greyson leaves for Rea. It gives context and meaning to the words he writes. There won't be a lot of flashbacks, but all of them do hold a strong meaning. Thank you, and I love you all.

♫ ♫ ♫

Greyson

February 18th, 1993

I've spent the past two months being tutored by Astraea. She's a sweet girl with an extraordinary personality. In the past week, I've felt myself growing on her. I'm getting attached to her and those addictive brown eyes. I can't get emotionally attached to her. It'll make leaving hurt twice as much.

Tonight I'm supposed to meet her at a restaurant with her brother. She wanted to celebrate my birthday with a full-course meal. I've begun to open up to her slowly. It was my mistake.

I couldn't confront her. I couldn't look her in the eye and tell her one of these days, she'll wake up, and I'll be dead. I can't wake up without the voices consuming my thoughts constantly. I wouldn't want my burdens on her shoulders. She's only known me for two months. It wouldn't be fair to her. I skipped school. I snuck into my father's bedroom drawer and took a blunt and a couple of pills for when he gets high. I went to the small alley near the hospital my mom went to when she found out she was sick. I used to hide here and cry when my mom was lying in a bed, coughing blood.

I feel a sense of comfort here. All the memories flow back into my mind. I spent my eighth birthday here eating leftover cake from my mom's nurse engagement celebration. This place will always have a unique spot in my heart. I cried the most here, and I felt every emotion inside me at once. It felt like the world was tumbling down in front of me. I discovered I was losing the one person who genuinely loved me in this cruel world. My mom is dying, and no one can save her. I couldn't imagine what it was like knowing you were dying and waiting for your time to be gone.

My mom hid her illness for a year. To make sure I wouldn't get hurt. I found out when I saw her pale, cold body on the bathroom floor. I sat next to her hospital bed, engulfed in tears. I couldn't stop crying. If my mom dies, I'll be alone with my dad. I wasn't the child he wanted. I wasn't good at school. I was emotional. I never did sports. I wrote music to release my inner thoughts. Music is my outlet. Without music, I wouldn't be here.

I could take all of these pills and wait for my body to begin to shut down. I don't have people who'd care about my death besides my sick mom, who's dying. Life's not worth living when you have nothing left. And nobody to give you a reason to live.

Before I took the pills, I pondered my thoughts. I heard footsteps approach the small alley. I hoped it wasn't my mom. She's the only one I've told about this place, but I doubt she'd be able to walk from our apartment to here. She probably sent my dad to drag me home. I can hear his antagonizing voice echo in my head.

You're a piece of shit.

You're killing your mother by running away like this.

God, you're worthless.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My mom used to teach me breathing exercises for when I get anxious. They help sometimes. I was praying they'd work. I was expecting a deep voice of my father scolding me. Instead, I heard a soft, pleasant voice call out, "Greyson?"

Astraea.

I poured the pills back into the bottle and turned around. I saw Astraea pause and try to catch her breath. She confessed, "Your mom called me worried about you. I spent the past hour and a half checking every record store. I assumed you were writing a new song." I chuckled. She skipped school to look for me. She folded her arms and kneeled in front of me. Astraea glanced at the blunt in my hand and the pill bottle in my pocket. She asked with a concerned voice, "Greyson. What going on? You've been doing so well in school."