Bright Stars, Broken Compass

Chapter Three: Will

I came out here to get away from Sabrina. From the relationship I don't know how to walk away from. But I've been discovered twice now, once by a strange drunk girl, and then, by her.

Now Sabrina is kissing me, a series of feather-light touches from the base of my throat to the hollow just below my chin. She smells like the apple shampoo she uses and makes breathy little noises against my skin. She's pulling my shirt up between us, pressing herself against me. I've got one hand buried in her sleek blonde hair, my thumb making slow circles against the nape of her neck.

My other hand is a fist against the concrete wall, pushed so hard into it I'm sure my knuckles are skinned.

Once again, I feel torn in two. I've been seeing Sabrina, on and off, for several months. I make breakfast when she stays over. I walk her to her dorm and then wait to make sure she gets inside safe. We've talked about becoming something more permanent. I've thought about bringing her home, to the river, but never have. I've felt her hands over every part of my body, and I can't help responding to her now.

Even though I don't really want to. The other part of me, the one that's rubbing my hand raw against the brick, can't stop thinking about garters and black lace, and a pale ribbon of bare flesh running between them.

It had only been a second or two. Just a glimpse of her laying there, skirt pushed up to the very tops of her thighs, hair wild and breath coming quick. Black lace over white skin. Long pale legs. A modest dress covering pin-up curves.

I'm going to save the world.

Who the hell says things like that?

My hand hurts even more as I tighten my fist, remembering the jerk who made her fall, and laughed about it. That he had seen her too, sprawled and lovely and vulnerable, made me wish I'd hit instead of shoved.

I must have tightened my other hand, the one holding Sabrina's head. She makes an irritated noise and pulls away from me.

"Jesus, Will. That hurt." She rubs the back of her neck and narrows her eyes in irritation. "What's wrong with you tonight?"

"Just out of sorts, I guess. It was a stressful trip home."

Sabrina hugs herself and stares at me. Her eyes flash in the darkness and her lower lip trembles slightly. I wonder if it's in anger, hurt, or both. "Home, Will? The same home you keep promising to take me to, but never do? Like this 'next level' we talk about reaching, that still hasn't happened?"

I just stand against my wall, guilt and frustration tearing at me. What's wrong with me? Sabrina is pretty, sweet, and kind. She remembers people's birthdays, loves children, and has decent taste in movies and music. Life with her would be pleasant. Safe. Why can't I fall for a girl like her?

But we are going nowhere, and we both know it. If she was the one to bring home to the river, I would have done it by now. Sabrina's still standing there, facing off against me, and I know I'm not being fair to either of us. But what can I say, in a situation like this?

Not much. I settle for, "I'm sorry."

"Whatever." She rolls her eyes, but not before I see the hurt in them. "I'll catch a ride back with Christy. This party's stupid anyway. Everybody's just standing there, watching these two girls drink." She stalks off around the side of the building and doesn't look back. "I shouldn't have even come," I hear as she's swallowed by the night.

I shake a cigarette out of the pack and watch the moon disappear behind heavy clouds. Cheers break out from the room behind me. I can hear the party even through glass. I should go home. I can't drink much more than I already have, since I'll be driving home alone now. Classes start tomorrow, and I could use the sleep. Besides, after what happened with Sabrina, I'm not exactly in a partying mood.