Madison and I sit and talk for a while since I came like an hour early. I feel like she's kind of blushing and when she looks away she has this fragile smile. Meanwhile I'm trying my best to look at her straight and keep my fake eyelashes and glasses leveled. I feel like she's kind of nervous because if she didn't want to talk to me I think she would have left by now.
I try my best to ask questions and talk and she does the same, but what I like the most is the comfortable silence we sit in. She's not even on her phone like I am, she just sits and observes. Then, this guy that looks about our age walks up and sits next to Madison and puts his arm around her. Um okay Madison go off I guess.
She does the opposite of leaning into him. She gets so tense and almost backs away from him. A little girl comes up to all of us and starts showing us how many mints she has in her purse and I put all my focus on the girl.
"Allie, this is Brett." says Madison like she ain't the least bit excited.
I wave and introduce myself. When we're exchanging greetings he gives me slight fuckboy energy. Kind of like the one who tries to cover it up by going to church and the different events that come along with it. That's where they prey. Obviously.
But, at the same time, I'm not sure if they're a thing or if he's just into her.
They literally talk to each other with me in the background on my phone for like 15 to 20 minutes. Um bitch fuck this. They got something going on. At least.
The girl with the purse mints wants Brett to go play a game with her, so they go run off, leaving me and damn icy eyes.
We talk and vibe but I'm a little more distant because girl you got a whole ass man.
They could just be friends, who knows, but this whole energy is not the space I'm going for, for the school year.
A tiny part of me, that feels like a dough eyed teenage girl, still has hope that Brett ain't shit and maybe they only see each other at church.
I feel a lot of people start walking in, some of them I already met when Melody introduced me. There was this one man from another campus ministry, he seemed really cool, but he was so damn chill and I'm always on one, so I really don't know.
The comfortable silence between us is still there but a little less because I feel all the auras of all the other people in the room. I'm already drained.
She's comfortable chilling next to me, because period, when she sees someone she knows, gets excited and says she'll be right back.
She's not coming back.
That's what I know because I know people. I know people who treat other humans like toys.
I did have hope for a while though. Time went by, more people came in, and I got more disappointed. This bitch.
I can't even be mad. This was literally two seconds. Lol. On to the next.
I look back and see Madison sitting down talking with another person. I try not to but I keep looking back at them trying to be discreet.
It's not even that it's her that I'm mad or upset with because I'm new and she does have a life. I'm annoyed at my anxious attachment style that I'm tired of battling with. I don't feel abandoned in this situation because I don't know her, I feel abandoned in general because I feel like the things that are happening right now are a constant theme in my life.
I kind of sit in the disappointment, but remind myself that this doesn't mean she doesn't want to be around me, she's a senior and has established relationships. I came here wanting to focus on myself first thing anyway. My mind doesn't control me, I control my mind.
I start to get in a better mood, chill on my phone, and say hi to new faces from my seat.
"Is anyone sitting here?"
Hot. Damn.
