the way how i see you

chapter 12 - still here

i wasnt surprised that things were falling apart i guess that was my only way of living, i was outside of the hospital trying to calm myself clearing my mind my mom went outside to check up on me i didnt say a word "mel come inside" ms darlin said "i just cant right now ok" melanie said "mel i dont wanna deal with you right now" ms darlin said "what so you can blame me again something i didnt do" melanie said "what is with you lately your never this way" ms darlin said "you cant expect me to be that sweet girl anymore when have you ever ask me how i actually feel" melanie said "you always feel happy and sweet" ms darlin said "see thats the thing mom you never understand" melanie said i walked away leaving the hospital "melanie come back" ms darlin said i ignored my mom and kept walking away "melanie, melanie," ms darlin said and i left i couldnt deal with any of this i feel like people wouldnt understand either way if i said something, once you feel the miserable you feel un normal feel nothing just feel broken. i needed space i didnt wanna be near anyone so i went to go visit someone who would actually understand which was jake i went to the cemetery i was sitting in the grass looking at his stone "hey jake... i really miss you and your parents miss you more we did a last minute dance for you only for you you wouldve been happy but i kinda ruin it if i just stood quite but i didnt because we need to be heard but it still goes to a mess anyways... because of that now my brother is in the hospital.. this is all my fault.. god i wish i couldve listen to you more you wouldve understand me i wouldve understand you... you wouldve... still be here..." melanie said tears going down my skin i was hurting i just wish i couldve done more but thats what happens when you do things that you never thought you would do i heard footsteps it was adrian he sat next to me very calm "you shouldnt be here" melanie said "i know but... im sorry what i did to your brother" adrian said i wanted to be mad but i couldnt because im the blame to "its fine i should be blame to" melanie said "dont blame yourself melanie this wouldnt happen if i couldve just stayed away from you but i couldnt you shouldve listen what others said to you i am a bad influence i am cruel" adrian said "no im not like others they didnt see what i saw in you, you needed to be heard they dont see us they judge they just judge for no stupid reason" melanie said tears and more tears came down adrian knew i had a point "im sorry melanie i really am but im no good for you" adrian said "whats the point of anything anyways i dont even know my brother is gonna wake up which i should get back im already in big trouble anways" melanie said "you should go" adrian said i got up i started to walk away "melanie i know people dont understand you now but just know i do understand you because i saw you what no else couldnt see" adrian said i guess theres always gonna be someone that would understand but i just left back to the hospital. when i went back to the hospital my mom was still outside i went up to her "im sorry" melanie said "im sorry to.. but your brother is awake" ms darlin said "he is" melanie said "yes but he does have a little bit of injuries and he told me everything what happen" ms darlin said "look mom i" melanie said "its ok i get it now i shouldnt have blame you your growing up we all have to experience life as we get older at one point" ms darlin said "right.." melanie said "but he does wants to see you" ms darlin said i was scared to see river but i was glad he woke up and will be fine. i went to the room he was staying, i went inside he was awake but he did had a lot of injuries he even had a cast on "hey... how you feeling" melanie said he didnt say a word "come on you cant be mad at me forever" melanie said "why didnt you tell me you had a boyfriend" river said "because i knew how you were gonna get and look how that ended" melanie said "out of all the boys why him hes a bad influence" river said "hes not a bad influence" melanie said "why are you defending him" river said "because i love him to... if you wouldve gotten to know him you wouldnt have ended up like this.." melanie said "youve really have changed" river said
"im not so little anymore river you just dont understand... hope you feel better" melanie said i left that was our first big fight ever we never fought but we did, that was the last time i visit him to the hospital, after everything what happen the next day i went back to school and of course everyone kept looking at me, more hate but i got use to it as i walked in the halls mindy went up to me and walked with me "hey" melanie said "how you feeling" mindy said "alright i guess river woke up" melanie said "i know i went to visit him before i came here" mindy said "maybe you should go with your friends people would start saying things to you if you were with me" melanie said "look no matter what people say i would never judge you i know you more than anyone else because your just melanie not melanie that people rumors about" mindy said "thanks" melanie said im glad mindy never judged me after this mess but maybe she has a story to because everyone always has a story to tell especially when your just a teenager. as classes passed by i had biology with kayla and adrian but adrian wasnt here "kayla wheres adrian" melanie said "i dont know i didnt see him in math class today i dont think he came today" kayla said it was so odd adrian wasnt here i was scared something has happen to him two days pass by adrian was still not here. during lunch i was with kayla and hazel "so odd adrian isnt here again" melanie said "well after the fight he had with river i dont think hes gonna want to come back" kayla said "how is river" hazel said "hes ok but were not in good terms right now" melanie said "its because of adrian isnt it" kayla said "its not just that we never fought and we did i just dont like fighting with him.." melanie said "hes your brother its normal to fight with your sibling" hazel said "we've always been so close i guess its just different for me now" melanie said "its river he just wanted to protect you from adrian but i guess i know why you and adrian really liked each other and im sorry if i ever judged you guys" kayla said "its ok i get it" melanie said kayla actually really saw something in adrian but i wish it was everyone in this school but would it be better you just never know, but rachel in the other hand is having the best time of her life "i just cant believe this video of river and adrian fighting is getting the most hatred this is getting better and better for melanie" rachel said "you realize river is getting the hate now which hes our friend" amber said "oh he'll get over it" rachel said "this has to be a joke this isnt getting better at all you went too far rache" amber said "are you kidding me right now" rachel said "melanies brother is in the hospital which is our close friend and your making all of this into a stupid joke" amber said "god you are just like them" rachel said "you know what im done playing your stupid games you were never a true friend" amber said amber was walking away "amber where are you going" rachel said "to find better friends" amber said amber was done with rachels twisted games she realized she can do so much better than just hurting others, the bell rang i was going to my next class but then "melanie" amber said i turned around "uh hey amber" melanie said "look im not here to fight trust me im done with all that i just came here to apologize and for everything that happen to you.." amber said "its fine im use to it and i forgive you no big deal" melanie said we forgive and we forget "well ill see you around" amber said i knew it wasnt her fault it was rachels she wanted to be better but she was trapped but now shes free but i never saw her again. after school i was walking with kayla we were heading to write club then i saw adrian going to the spot "uh ill see you in write club" melanie said "oh ok" kayla said i went to the spot i saw him just staring at me calmly "where have you been why havent you been coming to school" melanie said "you wouldnt like it if i told you" adrian said "just tell me" melanie said "i got expelled" adrian said "what no your lying" melanie said "they found out i hurt your brother" adrian said "ill talked to them" melanie said i walked off but adrian grabbed my wrist to stop me "dont please" adrian said "ill fix this" melanie said "its just better this way.." adrian said "your the greatest friend i ever had your the only one i could talk to because.. you understand me when no one else can.." melanie said "i know.. i just cant keep hurting people like i said everyone is right i am a bad influence thats why ill be homeschooled and ill be moving away" adrian said i had tears coming down my eyes "you were never a bad influence you were just you..." melanie said "im sorry..." adrian said "im gonna miss you.." melanie said "im gonna miss you more.." adrian said i hugged him right away we hugged so tight but that was my last hug from him and that was the last time i saw adrian. i still felt so miserable school was just becoming hell but as few days pass by river was able to go home i was in the front porch waiting for him then my mom and river came home when they got out of the car he still had bruises on his face and still had a cast on his arm my mom went inside river sat next to me "look mel im sorry i guess i didnt wanna see my sister grow up" river said "it doesnt matter anyways" melanie said "melanie i wont judge because at the ending of the day im still your brother you can tell me anything" river said i guess he had a point he was my brother i just didnt wanna fight with him i didnt wanna make it worst "my whole life i thought nothing bad will ever happen if i just keep being positive everything will be ok with others but instead i got judged hated on i didnt know this could happen to me i was broken i wasnt who i use to be i lost a friend that was feeling the same way as me which was jake, I was happy so happy and now i don't know what's happiness anymore till the point i thought i wasnt gonna make it to 16..." melanie said river saw me cry in pain for the first time i showed him my dry scars from my arms he never thought i would go through all this "im so sorry melanie i shouldve been there, been there from the start" river said he couldnt believe his own sister wanted to take her own life away as well, his eyes were in tears feeling my pain, "its my fault from protecting you too much from reality" river said "its ok i just had to learn the hard way, i dont even know what normal feels like anymore" melanie said we hugged "no matter what happens ill be there no matter what it is even though your growing up your still my little sister" river said and we made up at the ending of the day hes still my brother and im still here, breathing. after everything river did graduated from high school and i finished my sophomore year, and now its finally summer but kayla and i had to go back to the school because hazel had to give us something for write club "ok here are the keys now you guys get to open the door every day after school before the club starts" hazel said "thanks hazel" kayla said "yea and for everything you've taught us" melanie said "i know you guys will do well" hazel said we all hugged "well i better get going i got a plane to catch for nyu" hazel said hazel was going to new york she got a scholarship to nyu because of write club i was proud of her but it was the last time i saw her who knows what happen to her. the rest of my summer i spend it with kayla river and mindy, but after two weeks it was now rivers turn to leave to scu "ok that was the last box" ms darlin said "thanks mom" river said "do great things ok" ms darlin said "i will" river said my mom and river hugged after she left to give us space to say our last goodbyes "this is it your going off to college" melanie said "we were just kids but like you said were growing up" river said "im gonna miss you" melanie said "dont worry ill be back for the holidays" river said "i know but its gonna be different not going to school with you anymore" melanie said "hey you got this because your strong no matter how far we are im still there" river said we hugged after river got into the car and drove away. and now i was sitting in the front porch with kayla writing new story examples for fresh fest my mom then came out with cookies "here you guys go if you need anything ill be inside" ms darlin said "thanks mom" melanie said "i cant believe were finally running the club now we get to do fresh fest" kayla said "we were just freshmens now were leaders" melanie said "imagine how many freshmens were gonna see" kayla said "your right thats why im gonna write a huge story how high school could be" melanie said and thats what i did i was gonna write a huge story to show freshmens how high school could be not some fairytale but reality so they dont make mistakes like i did not thinking everything is always gonna be ok but its not because as you get older a lot of things could change we experience these things for a reason we make mistakes for a reason theres so many things you never thought you would expect there is no such thing as a perfect human being but being a teenager is way different than being a kid or a adult its always a beginning for a teenager we were happy but it changes you start to feel un normal so broken such a mess because that is the reality of normal and its ok to feel that way even if you cant tell anyone because we wish we can tell our love ones, things will get better but it'll get worst again my advice to you is keep going, keep going until you find what your looking for its the only way to keep breathing because not a lot of teenagers make through high school or make through college just like my friend jake it wouldve happen to me to but i survived and now i can tell my story thats how people will see you actually you but all this started because of one boy adrian people would always just see him as a monster so cruel but thanks to him i was able to see reality if it weren't for him who knows what bad things wouldve happen to me i know a lot of teenagers saw him different but i was the only teenager that saw his real true self because the way how i see him is just him.

THE END