As someone that has been dealing with suicidal thoughts, I like to think that I have been doing okay. Not good but okay, or at least fine.
I can get out of bed and do things, I can get up on the weekends and Fridays to go to work but I can't get myself to do my homework and attend classes.
I have always dealt with it, I have always known that there is something bad with me but I can't get myself to ask for help or at least try to do something about it. But how can you when you have always told yourself that you are okay? When a lot of people have always told you that you are okay, or that you are just faking it.
The last time I had a therapist or whatever you call them, they said that they were giving up on me because I wasn't letting them in. how can you let strangers in and tell them everything when I cant even do that with my own family?
I have been trying different things throughout the years but after some time they stopped working. Music has become my life but now it's something that I kinda need as a common thing. I dont evenknow if that makes sense... hahaha! but if you do...I'm sorry.
You know, I wonder how easy it is to pretend how to be someone else? because I have been doing that for my whole entire life and I can tell you that its pretty easy to do so.
But how cool would it be to one day waking up as someone else? different body, different life, different thoughts, different everything! I dont know... just some useless thoughts of mine.
But if I had the chance to do so, I would choose minho. My crush, the biggest crush that I had ever had, well my first crush too.
Well, dear journey, this is the end for today.
November 8, 2022.
I closed the black notebook and put it on my backpack. I grabbed my headphones and put it on as I put STRAWBERRY CAKE by Xdinary heroes.
Looking out of the bus window was one of my favorites things to do. I watched at how some people were laughing and smiling, as well as some where mad and irritated. Students from different schools and grades were walking and runnning on the sidewalks.
As the bus passed by a wonderful happy family, I saw a small kid laughing with her parents
~Gosh, I really miss those days, when I used to be free and happy~ I thought to myself as I sadly smiled.
*15 minutes later*
I got off the bus and started walking towards my school which was about 10 minutes away from the bus stop.
~siriously, why putting the bus stop 10 minutes away from school and not right infront of it? but I mean I get it, its up a hill, so... it makes sense~
"I can't sleep, so tell mee" I silently sang to INSOMNIA by STRAY KIDS as I walked up the hill.
~ I swear to god!! I will just simply give up half way up the hill and not move for the rest of the day~
With heavy feet and having little to no air in my lungs I made it to the front gate where I stopped for a well-needed rest and a water break.
"Jisung!" someone screamed in my ear as they threw themselves on me, moving me and getting some water in my nose as I started coughing and trying not to fall at the same time.
"fucking hell, Felix! dude I was so close to dying!" I said to one of my best friends as I turned to him and threw my hat at him just for him to catch it.
"HAHAHA, you should of had seen your face! it was so meme worth" he manage to say as he was laughing too.
"meme worth? I don't think that's an actual thing" I said while I looked at him and rolled my eyes.
"If I say it myself, it is. Now, have you seen baby bread?" he asked me while looking around for Jeongin- one of my other best friends.
"Nope, I just got here"
"oh, anyways let's go to the cafeteria and meet seungmin there" Seungmin is also my best friend.
In total, I only have 3 best friends, yeah I'm totally a loser, but I don't care because I love these weirdos.
"Yup, I didn't eat breakfast today so hurry up. I want chicken soup and hot chocolate" I said as I started walking toward the building with Felix by my side.
*inside the cafeteria*
Felix and I walked in and saw a lot of grumpy teenagers who looked like shit after a fun Sunday. The "popular" kids announces that they were going to have a party at the lee and hwanhouse. I call them the 3 lee since...idk they are brothers plus hyunjin doesn't really care if people call him lee.
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Always You (minsung/Skz) ongoing
FanfictionA teenage boy in his junior year, trying his best at everything or more like to stay alive and not lose himself. With his 3 best friends by his side, they take off on an adventure during their Thanksgiving break were everything gets shared. But th...
