STRUGGLING // SKEPHALO // DISCONTINUED, UNEDITED

21 - Who knew such a conversation could make you end up like a mess?

Sh mentions, sexual comments/jokes //

Who knew such a conversation could make you end up like a mess? My left sleeve fully rolled up, and Skeppy was in really short shorts. The silence that coated us was awkward and longing and it was begging to be broken but there wasn't any good words we could of thought to say. There wasn't a lighthearted way to start the conversation.

I sigh and mumble a few unholy things to myself, mostly cursing me for not being able to begin the conversation. It's like we already said the words mentally but truthfully we just pushed the topic away until we ignored it. I kept on repeating phrases inside my head, trying to figure out which would work to start a conversation better.

I take a deep breath in and begin because there was no way Skeppy could, he kept his mental health to himself, "Why did you start cutting yourself?"

We fell silent again for twenty seconds that lasted like forever until I got a response, "It was accidental then it became an addiction."

I just nod, I had an urge to just go over there to hug and kiss him but I didn't. I couldn't. "I knew what I was doing." I reply.

"You know when your self harming got leaked, what was your first reaction?" He asks, looking at me with his soon to be teary eyes. He smiled gently for a second.

I return the smile as I answered, "Honestly, I thought about you. You know when you left in a rush during that Simon says thing? That's what I thought about, I just thought it was the reason why."

"I actually knew like ... ages before it was leaked. Again when we got drunk, you just rambled some rubbish and then eventually opened up."

"What? What else did I say?" I reply, trying to remember the night. All I could remember though were just silly quotes.

"I only remember you saying that, plus the seven minutes in heaven thing and you saying you wanted to kiss me." He lists the three things, stifling a laugh as he said the final thing. "That night gave me the gay goosebumps."

We both laugh at his wording, but after we calmed down there was still a big thing we had to address. To try keep the conversation flowing, he says, "We should probably talk about everything else."

"Yeah... Wait what do you mean by everything else?"

"The drama with A6d, our situation, basically everything's that happened in the past week." He answers with a serious face, though I didn't like having serious talks, I didn't mind it as much talking to him.

I don't want to talk about any of those though...

I sigh and decide what would be the easiest, "Maybe we should probably talk about what actually has happened first before we go into detail."

He nods and replies, "I was hoping you'd say that."

The smiles we had on our faces turned to frowns in a split second, everything has been so dark. I knew Skeppy wouldn't say anything first so I began.

"So it started with my self harming being leaked..."

"I came to visit you." He continues.

"We went on a little date thingy without realising it and done some weird couple poses or whatnot."

"Then we had a big fight."

"Big? Would you consider it big?"

"Maybe not big, but mediocre."

I roll my eyes at his horrible word choice, "You opened up then I realised you were in love with me."

"Woah woah woah what?"

"You made it very obvious."

"By doing...??"

"You cried on my shoulder when I said we were just friends."

"OH. OH MY GOD I REMEMBER THAT NOW."

"You should..."

"Wait we forgot a very important detail! Twitter leaking the photos of us cuddling~"

"Oh yeah... Was still messed up to be honest. Then we jokingly came out."

"My parents have sent me angry messages about that by the way."

"I.. I'm disappointed."

"Whateverrr... Then I had an emo phase."

"Whilst you were doing that I was asking Sapnap for advice..."

"Wait so does Sapnap know we're like banging bros?"

"No no, if anything he thinks we're dating."

"I wouldn't mind that." He mumbles, I definitely heard it but decided to not comment on it.

"And then we became.. the kissing bros." I make the name more family friendly for the sake of not making Skeppy start celebrating like it's his 21st birthday.

"Yeah. It feels weird calling us the banging bros when we haven't even banged." Skeppy mentions, like I already haven't noticed.

I grumble at the name, "are you seriously going to call it that?"

"Yep!" He grins back like a child.