𝐔𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬

𝐔𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 #𝟔

Dear Astraea,

'I fell in love with you a million times. You healed a heart you didn't break. You loved a boy who wanted to die. You gave me a reason to live. You breathed oxygen into my lungs.'

Those are the lyrics to the last song I released last month. You've created a light in my life. You became my muse. I wrote music solely based on my mental health and childhood. Then I met you. I fell in love with you. You made me feel alive. I still battled my mental illness, but you made it bearable.

You made waking up each day easier. You still do. You always will. This morning you woke me up with breakfast in bed. You laid next to me in bed. You wrapped your arm around me and kissed my forehead. I felt my heart flutter in my chest. You affect me. You make me fall in love with you each time I stare into your eyes. This morning I cried in front of you. I felt terrible. I didn't want you to see me at my worse.

You've already seen me at my worst. I've seen you at your lowest. We've been there for each other through hell and back. You allow me to be vulnerable around you. Astraea, I'll always love you. In these past six days, I've cherished every hug, kiss, and touch. I know one day, I will no longer have you anymore. I'll be gone.

Last night I almost changed my mind. I was ready to burn these letters. I didn't want to leave you. You were the only person keeping me alive. I would've been dead twelve years ago if it wasn't for you. I wanted to be alive. I dreamed of standing at the altar and watching you walk down the aisle. I dreamed of holding you whenever you cried. I wanted to be there for whatever our future had in store. I wanted you.

In the middle of the night when you were asleep. I sat in the bathroom. I couldn't sleep. My mind was in a million places, and I couldn't shut it off. I felt my heart racing. I couldn't breathe. I realized I had a panic attack. Everything inside me felt like it was crumbling into a million pieces. I had no control over my body. It was just me and the voices in my head that I wished would stop. I tried to ease my mind. I couldn't silence the echoes telling me I was not enough. I should've woken you up, but I didn't want to lay my burdens on your shoulders again. I didn't want you to worry about me again. You've given me the world, and now it's my turn to take one last burden off your shoulders. After I'm gone, you won't have to worry about me. You'll be able to focus on yourself and your dreams.

I'll always be your biggest supporter, my love.

I'm sorry I stopped fighting for you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Rea. While writing these letters, I knew how painful it would be for you. I know you'll hate me for what I did. I want you to know I never meant to hurt you. I tried not to get attached to you because I knew one day I wouldn't be here anymore. Now I'm sitting on the bathroom floor writing these letters for you. I cried until my eyes burned.

You're currently in our bedroom writing our book. You have a bright smile on your face. God, I love that smile. I love you so much, Astraea Alessiah Russo. I will always be yours. Please keep that smile on your face. All I want to do right now I run out of this bathroom and wrap my arms around you. I want to hold and cherish every second with you, my love. I let it all out. I want to heal. I don't want to suffer anymore.

The last message that you'll receive from me will be my vows. When you find these messages, it'll be a couple of days before our wedding. You'll cry. You'll feel hurt, but know I tried. I fought all the odds and tried to live.

After I'm gone, I want to ask you for a favor. I want you to live. Travel the world. Leaving you breaks my heart. But I know you'll find someone to fill that void in your heart. Lastly, my music will live on inside your heart and soul. Use my music to fill your heart and the hearts of others. I won't be able to perform from a grave. Please don't feel pressured to perform. Do this for yourself. I know how much you loved getting on stage with me and singing. You are and always will be my favorite girl. I love you, Rea.

Sincerely Greyson Allori,

Ps. I'm about to make your favorite dessert cookies. I hope you enjoyed them, my love. I love you, my Astraea.