remembrance

feeling

"Din?"

You step out of your hut, looking around for the Mandalorian. Calling out his name again, your face scrunches up in confusion when he doesn't respond.

Where could he be? He's not easy to hide, with the shiny armor and all...

"Din!"

You start to wander the village, letting Ewoks pass you by as you search the crowd for the familiar shine of his helmet. After a few minutes of walking aimlessly, you make your way to the outskirts of the village, down to the lower levels by the forest floor. Din wasn't one for large crowds - the introvert that he was - so your best bet of finding him would be in an isolated space. You'd found over time that Din was fond of silence. The kind of silence that was heavy and yet comfortable, like a quilt settling over your shoulders. He would often sit in the cockpit of the Crest when you had been traveling or drifting aimlessly through space, staring out in awe at the way the stars painted themselves throughout the darkness. It allowed him to think, and it gave him peace. It was the same to him as meditation was to you: an opportunity to recollect one's thoughts and to find comfort and balance in oneself.

Now that the two of you have been living on Endor for the past couple of weeks, you've often found him standing at one of the platforms, staring out into the forest or up into the night sky. And slowly, his moments of peace and quiet have gone deeper into the thick woods. Din had worried that you would believe that he was avoiding you, and he had apologized endlessly when he had disappeared into the forest the first time (even though you had assured him you were fine with it). You had often needed moments of peace just as Din did, but both of you missed one another dearly when either of you disappeared. It seemed silly... the fact that the two of you had formed such a strong attachment... to the point where both of you became anxious whenever you were apart. That anxiety was lessened with the insurance that your small family was safe here in this hidden village of Ewoks and the barrier of the trees.

For the first time, in the past year, you and Din were safe. Properly safe. Gideon was dead. The Imperials were no longer searching for you and the child since the reward funds were gone with the Moff. The two of you could relax and spend time with the child and with each other.

You find the small path in the trees that you and Din often walk through and start to make your way through the woods.

"Din," you whisper in a singsong manner, careful not to disrupt the peaceful nature around you.

You pause when you walk around a tree, your gaze falling onto the Mandalorian a few yards away. He's sitting on a fallen tree with his back towards you, staring out into a small clearing on the side of a mountain. 

He looked ethereal with the way the sunlight glinted off of his armor... serene. His body is relaxed - the tension that he normally carried in his shoulders had fallen away as he observed his beautiful surroundings.

A smile flits across your face as you watch him. Leaning against the trunk of a tree, you let your head rest against the bark as you watch your beloved have his moment of peace. Din senses your presence after a few heartbeats, and his helmet tilts to the side to invite you closer.

Separating yourself from the tree, you move to Din's side, staring out into the trees and observing the way the clouds and foliage decorate the mountainside. The familiar sensation of leather brushes against your hand as Din reaches out to take your hand into his.

You can sense his fading emotions as he steps out of his backseat mental state to be present with you. Din tugs at your hand gently, silently asking you to sit beside him, and you lean your head against his pauldron as you comply with his silent request. Soft and worn leather brushes softly against your skin as Din brushes your hand with his thumb.

Din opens his mouth to speak - to apologize for disappearing - but he stops himself from doing so. He knows that you would only get upset with him for thinking that he needed to apologize for taking time for himself... as you have reacted this way in the past few occurrences.

"What's on your mind, cyare?" Your words are soft and hushed as you lean against him, offering him silent comfort from whatever may be troubling him.

"... Nothing."

"Don't lie to me please," you murmur. When Din is silent, you continue cautiously. "I... I feel like you're always offering me support. Being there when I have nightmares or memories or if I'm just struggling in general." Din remains quiet, sensing that you have a reason for speaking these thoughts. "But I feel like you don't give me a chance to do the same for you, Din."

"I'm fine. I don't need anything, cyare. I'd rather just be there for you," he murmurs, tilting his head to rest it against yours.

"But you need help too, Din. You can't just deal with things on your own when you refuse to let me deal with my stuff alone," you frown, lifting your head from his shoulder to look at him.

"You need comfort more than I do, Alora. You've been through more than me-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there." Your frown deepens at his words, shaking your head in refusal. "You cannot compare our experiences, Din. Pain is pain, no matter the amount. You've helped me... let me help you." Din is quiet, staring at you through the dark screen of his visor. "What's on your mind? What are you thinking about?"

"Just... my parents." Din looks back out towards the mountain, letting out a big sigh. "I miss them." The Mandalorian leans into you, letting his head rest against your own once again.

You're quiet, squeezing his hand to show your silent compassion as a pang shoots through your heart. You don't really know what to say, honestly. You never knew your parents, not really. The most that you remember is your mother, the way her eyes had shown, and the kindness that she had shown to others. She had been a healer - kind and compassionate... Completely selfless. Your father had died in battle when you were just a baby... What he died for, your mother had never told you.

You missed your parents, but you hadn't really known them. You had been young when you'd left them. Most of your life had been spent in the Temple with the Order. Your family had been Kya. She had raised you, trained you, cared for you. But she wasn't your mother... Not really.

You couldn't find the words to bring Din comfort, and you struggled to think of something to say or do than be stupidly silent.

"I-... I'm sorry, Din." Din lets out a small sigh, squeezing your hand in return. "I hope you find comfort in the fact that they died protecting someone they loved." You press a kiss against his beskar cheek. "I'm certain that they were selfless and loving and kind and strong... just like their son." 

Din stills. The gentle brushing of his thumb on your hand stops and he's taking in small shaky breaths as if he's trying not to cry.

"Din..." Wrapping your arms around his torso, you hold him in a tight embrace while his body shakes with silent grief and love for what he'd lost.

"Thank you, cyar'ika... You have no... no idea how much that means..."

"Shh, it's okay," you murmur, touching your forehead against his. "It's okay. I'm here."

His body shakes with emotion... Emotion that he must've been holding in for weeks... Months... Years...

Din doesn't speak much if his parents and the incident of their deaths. And you understand why... It's too painful... That's the thing about the past. It's always so painful to look back on.

It's been years since Din allowed himself to feel grief for what he had lost. Years of him shoving it down and saying it was nothing. Years of him turning numb. And now he's feeling again. Because of you. He can feel again.

And now the two of you can feel the weight of the past together.