"Miss me?" | Pico x BF/Keith Story | HighSchool AU

"Self - Evident Rights." | Pico's POV

New chapter! Formally requested by @embersammo this one's shorter because quantity solos your faves, but it's just a teaser, I might add more later.

- Lucid <3

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{TUESDAY - PICO}

The floor of my room was cold, probably because it was super early morning. I should be at school by now but I didn't bother, it wasn't worth it. Seeing him? I just couldn't picture how that would go after yesterday. I deserved it all and more, but holy shit. The way he unleashed on me, it reminded me of roaring flames on gasoline, a fast build up starting with a sentence that damn near killed me. 'I wish you were this nervous when you called me a faggot.' It simply felt wrong even just thinking of the word.

If I could turn back time, I'd gladly sacrifice half of my entire lifespan just for a chance to fix my mistake with him. Yesterday was fucking intense, as he yelled, screamed, and cried. All I wanted to do was hold him as he yelled out all his feelings, but all I could do was stand there and watch. Watch as he let out all the hate that built inside him from the very day I hurt him mentally. Even worse? It wasn't just the yelling, screaming, and whatever else. It was the fact he said he loved me with no shame, even when he was struggling to stay calm he spoke his truth. I could never be so bold as to tell someone who's bullied and hurt me that I cared for him. He was better than me, and I knew it.

I checked my phone, 7:05 am. School would start soon and i'd be late if I didn't leave now. Mom's already left, but I just didn't care at the moment. I wanted to fix this, be better, and overall stop being a fucking idiot. It was discouraging, having your crush tell you everything you've done wrong since square one. When they tell exactly what path you went down and how it affected them negatively. I was emotionally unstable, I knew that. Yet, I never realized how bad I had been treating him until he told me off that time I called Nene. That's when I really understood my fuck ups, yet I thought that maybe I could just ignore it, let it stew. I was wrong.

I bit my lip in anguish. I truly did mess up the one relationship I had with someone like him, and nothing could replace it. Not that I wanted to, it wouldn't be the same if it wasn't him. I broke him, twisted him into an ugly resenting version of himself. I broke his spirt, running from his feelings and being an asshole. I broke his heart, spitting venom as his true confession all due to my dumb ass issues. I drove away one of the only people I could see myself being with all because I can't handle my own emotions.

What now? What do I do now? How do I mend the hole he used to fill? The hole he used to fill that I so stupidly ripped him from. I picked myself up off the floor and looked out my window to the street below, it was a cloudy day with no sun. How fitting. I pushed myself to take out my phone and actually email my teachers about my absence, that way it wasn't unexcused again. I at least owed that to my mom. I looked around my room, seeing small details that reminded me of him... fuck. I need to get out of this house, at least for right now. I couldn't face this.

~

I walked the streets with my hoodie up, $40 in my pockets, my school backpack, and a bit of direction. There was stuff at home but I just wanted a few items to comfort myself. If I can keep myself from slumping into my depression, then I've won. Giving up, sulking, and being a pussy will not help turn my life around. I apologized to Keith yesterday not just hoping for his forgiveness, but to change and grow. If I don't make use of myself, do something with this life of mine, then it's as if that apology meant nothing. There are many things i'll ignore, but i'll never allow that apology to be worth nothing. Not after Keith's expression, ready to cry and slightly red with a mix of emotions I've surely felt before.

I continued my walk, going to a local café with my backpack on. My plan is to be fucking productive, change myself. I sighed quietly into the morning air. I knew how stupid it sounded for me to be doing school work at a café, but that's the only thing I can think of. Darnell was at school, and as he told me, I needed to settle this. That started with putting my act together, changing my bullshit to a mindset that will work for me. While, I really didn't want to do school work, I owed it to my mom who worked her ass off to take care of me. I owed it to Keith who was always so willing to help me learn what I didn't understand. Even a simple task like this could give value to everything I did yesterday.