Chapter Four: Pills And Billz/ Take The Blame
"Go and turn it up, let 'em hear my pain. Richer than a fuck, but it don't heal my pain. Money can't buy you happiness, seen it, can't buy you love. Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you drugs. Pills and dollar bills. Last night he got so high, he damn near blew his brains out. Countin' cash and dyin' fast is all he think about."- Rod Wave
BestFriend how you let a fake pill take you out? We was supposed to stop a long time ago and I feel like it's my fault because the last couple days we barely talk and that wasn't like us. But we was both busy but not a day went by that we didn't call each other. I look back to that night and wish I took that pill instead of you because you know how to adapt to shit quicker than me. But then again I feel like me being gone would've ate you alive more than it's eating me alive. You was somebody I ran to before I ran to my moms. We had a bond nobody could come between no matter how bad people tried to turn us against each other. We knew the real and we knew the love was more real than the bond. I miss you so much and just be lost for words when I'm thinking about you because you was supposed to grow old with me. I was on the road to Chicago the day before yesterday and was fighting back tears trying to come to conclusion that I can't even pull up to your house and see you holding MJ. I pictured me popping a perc and hoping I get the same outcome that you did. Hoping that it'll end my life or make me numb to the problems I been facing lately.
I'm sorry Tori, I could have been a better bestfriend. I blame myself cause he called me and showed me everything was going on and I ignored the signs. A lot of sleepless nights, thinking about our phone call, the night you told me he died. How did I let him erase away so fast knowing I had the pencil to redraw a better outcome. This frame is broken and not even a new heart can fix the picture of how bad this still eat me up inside. Stew told me "Stop trying to save everybody." But the one person who needed me the most, I watched his casket close right in front of my eyes. I sat in the front looking at you crying knowing you never coming back but that didn't stop me for believing that you will. Seeing others cry made me cry even harder but I know that this pain will never end. No matter how much they say the storm will end, it never will because there's always another storm that is worse than the last one. It was like a hurricane that came through and wiped away everything that I ever had. Everything I love, doesn't love me and it's weird to me, when I give my all to somebody that walked over me. The foot prints still implanted on me because of the fake love that was shown. I take the blame for that though because I let it happen plenty of times. Over and over, through all the pain I felt, popping pills made my life so much easier. The pain was numb, no feelings what so ever in my body. I think about popping a Percocet everyday just to run from the storm. Why would I do that though when that's the reason I lost my best friend? Dying from some that we was supposed to stop doing hurt more than if a opp killed you. Should I pop a perc or should I kill myself so I can see you again. That's always on my mind daily popping pills to ease the pain. All the money in the world can't make me be happy especially when I lost people I wanted to run up millions with. All this pain will never stop, it just gone keep flowing. My life is not how I wanted it to be or how I pictured it will be. I just knew I'll be in the NBA having my family & day ones court side cheering me on, but instead that stayed a picture in my head that I will never get to paint.
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Soul Fly
Teen Fiction"But I know God give his toughest battles to his toughest soldiers. Don't cry for me when the war is over. Just know I finally found that peace that I was looking for. Look, look, living life on the run, too many problems at once. Too stressed, can'...
